Be me...
30 years old, married for 1 year, in relationship for 10 years, 2 Children.
on 6.6.2016 a guy contacted me that he had an affair with my wife in the last 8 years (with breaks).
She told me that it's true and she is soooo sorry.
now i tested my children and got result that my youngest child is not mine.
What should i do ?
>>17364129
You don't stay with someone who lies to your goddamn face for 8 years.
>marriage
>children
>cheating bitches
you fucked up man. teach your kids and "your kids" not to fuck around with cheating whores
>>17364129
aww Fucking man , having to kill your youngest is gonna be tough but it will get better. Leave that bitch for sure tho.
>>17364129
No one can really tell you what to do. Lots of marriages survive infidelities. More don't. There are your feelings for her and the kids to think of.
Either way, you're in for a lot of pain. Been there. I stayed. I don't regret it but every case is different. You will never be able to fully trust her again.
If you can afford to pay alimony leave her, let her have the children and find someone else, it's not too late to start a new family.
My brother's wife cheated on him, but he decided to stay for his daughter. It's been over a decade later and with a couple more kids since then. When I visit him, there's always an air of resentment and discontent. It's palpable. Their kids are growing up in full witness of this, and I question his decision to have stayed. Had he separated, his kids may not see him as often, but I'm sure they would know a happier version of him and they would have eventually understood and sympathised with him once they were older and realized how shit of a person their mother is (fat/lazy/entitled/over controlling).
I'd kill myself for sure, so that seems fine and anything less drastic makes you either more forgiving or more cowardly than me, which is also fine. Lawyers and therapists have devoted their working lives to help you with aspects of this situation and might be worth making an appointment with.
Leave immediately, if you are in the U.S. hopefully your youngest is not over 2. Over 2 you have to pay child support not matter what.
>>17364129
>>17364167
^ Anon's right, OP. Not trying to make this more difficult, but you do have to make the decision. I feel as if you should ask for a explanation, above all else. Having clarity on the situation is a good way to go. It's ridiculous for her to cheat on you for that long and just be like "Just because." Before you do anything that might be rash, just breathe and ask for answers. That's the best advice I can give, good luck OP.
>>17364129
OP, I'll tell you something.
She would probably have never told you had this guy not said something first.
Let that sink in.
She also lied to you for eight years. Right to your face.
Now, if she showed that she was remorseful, or copped to it herself. Yes, there would be some room for forgiveness. But it didn't happen.
You don't need to know why it happened. All you need to know is that it did. And if you do get an explanation, what then? If it was in someway your fault why didn't your spouse communicate with you, help you how to fix it? If it was something on her end, why didn't she try to get help.
You can't fix something you never knew was broken. And you can't change someone who never wanted to change.
Your wife cheated on you, and she never wanted it to change.
>>17364181
Alimony is unlikely with only 1 year of marriage.
Child support is the real killer anyway.
>>17364451
This.
Listen to this guy.
>>17364451
>>17364167
these guys OP
The time you were together, all those years, just think for one second. 8 out of those 10 GODDAMN years she was fucking someone else on the side. I nor anyone else can tell you what to do. Some people make it work. But could you EVER trust her again? I couldn't. I'd kill the woman who did that to me. But everyone has their own choice to make, so you have to also. She sure did. Be strong, and smart. And remember your pride as a man.
Both kids are not guilty of what this woman did.
Make sure they know that.
As for her, she would have continued to lie (either by omission or actively) if that guy had not spoken up first. She's not worth it.
>>17364528
That's the wrong flag for this situation, in my opinion.
>>17364551
Fair enough. My point was for him to be strong y'know. But about the wife yes yours is more on point or this one
>>17364451
This.
>>17364129
Do you love the child? Just curious.
Here is what you should do:
- End the marriage, she never intended to tell you so she isn't remorseful for betraying you, she is remorseful because she got caught. She doesn't love you and you deserve to be with someone that loves you.
- Your children are still yours and they are going to need a dad and a mom that love them very much right now. It doesn't matter if they are biological, they need to know the dad they have always known is there for them and loves them.
- If she is a good mother then pay child support and take weekends. If she is not then fight for custody.
- Never disparage their mother in front of them. They need to love and trust their mother until they are adults and old enough to handle the truth.
Be a good person.
Sit down with her, and ask her why she did it. Ask her if she is actually sorry. Ask her if she regrets what she did. Ask her why she didnt tell you before. Do you love her still? Does she still love you?
We cant make your decisions for you, and Im so sorry this happened to you. This is my greatest fear.
Make sure you treat the kids with as much love as you can. It's not their fault.
>>17364129
I feel for you, my youngest one was born back in January of this year, a week after I got my wife and baby from the hospital she sits me down and comes out with the truth.... My wife is a compulsive liar and I've been with her 7 years, married for two year. I'm not proud if what I did but last Sunday I had enough of her lies and snapped and hit her... I'm in so much shit right now. I'm currently staying with my oldest sister and my brother in law came off the back asking me if I had doubts. I have a son with her who is mine no doubt, but I'm hurting for the baby... I'm gonna have to do a DNA test and I'm expecting the worse. I asked the wife what the chances would be and she said 75℅ not mine.... I currently have all of my family's support to file for divorce but it's a scary thought, scary that I will lose my son.
>>17364167
What did you do? How did you improve the relationship? Ever since she told me I question everything and anything she says.
>>17364283
So if the baby comes out to be negative I will not be responsible for her at all? She's 6 months. Will my name be removed from her birth certificate?
>>17364129
She isn't sorry. First things first is to never ever believe a cheater. I can guarantee you the only reason she admitted it is because the guy said so first.
You should leave OP.
I'm not going to address everything, but I get the feeling that they biggest issue is what to do about the child that is not yours, OP. She isn't your responsibility. Your wife will try to make you out to be a cruel monster for cutting the kid out (if that is what you choose), but the truth is it is her fault for creating the situation. I get that the kid is not responsible for the mother's mistakes, but neither are you, OP.
If you want to raise her, you should demand the mother gets no visitation rights. Fair is fair. If she expects that the biological father won't raise the kid, the biological mother shouldn't, either.
Thanks for your all optnions and advice. I have to sleep over it a lot to make a smart decision.
>>17364129
just keep nurturing your own child.
For the other one there is the mother and the other guy.
>>17365394
Good luck op
>>17364129
do you know why she cheated on you?
did you spend a lot of time with her? could you explain your daily routine with her to us in detail? sorry to hear bro, but i just want to know what causes a woman to cheat to help prevent it as much as possible
>>17364129
No one knows you or your context enough to give good advice. If I were me, I'd likely leave her but it's by no means so simple.
If the child the child that isn't your's is old enough to have known you as a father, don't abandon them. They didn't choose the circumstances of their conception. Raise them as your own, and possibly tell them one day so they can meet their real father. Or not. That's not an easy thing to handle.
Good luck. That's a shit thing to suddenly find yourself fallen into, but it doesn't have to be. The framing is all up to you. Whatever that might be worth.
>>17364129
I would wonder why the guy decided to tell you and why now? Is he the father or thinks he may be? Are they still in a relationship and he wants her to leave you? To me that is very important because it isn't the past but the present.
>>17364129
You can still be a father to the youngest child and not stay married to her. Personally I wouldn't and the bio father may want to be in the child's life at some point or your wife may want him in the child's life. Your wife knew the child wasn't yours and purposefully deceived you and the child.
>>17364129
Kid is still yours in every way that matters - he still looks up to you as 'Dad'
Wife is a whore and needs to be in the least divorced asap (longer you wait, the better chance her lawyers have of bending you over).
Circumstances should ensure you get a semi favorable situation re: who keeps the kids.
Do NOT stay together with this cunt, but remember to look after your kids
>>17364711
i wish I could give you good advice. I can't.
In my case, the relationship remained a roller coaster and I could never trust her again. And with good reason.
Who can explain love?
>>17364129
>she is soooo sorry
you know, there are some things people do to people they say they love and sorry just isn't enough. Why women think this is acceptable behavior is beyond me. The betrayal of cheating is bad enough but add to that convincing a man a child is his when it is not. Sitting there for years with smug satisfaction as she watch him bond with the child.
>>17364129
Sorry to hear that man. You have to stay brave. For the sake of your own well being and also for your children.
She's a slut. No denying that. If I was you I'd get a good lawyer and fight for your children.
The best you can do is be a good father to them. Even to the one that is not yours. They will understand one day and will hopefully grow up to be a better person than you and your wife ever were.
Good luck man. Just don't give up no matter how tough it seems.
Leave everyone, and go far far away. Out of the fucking country, move to fucking Canada or some shit.
This is the current year
Fight for your older child
>>17364129
Kill him, kill her.
Kill his kid.
>>17365708
This.
A few decades in jail will be a small price to pay. If you don't end this it will eat you up for the rest of your life.
>>17364599
>trust their mother until they are adults
Yeah right. Just the way he trusted her over all those years.
OP, I'm sorry man. I feel you.
IMO you should try to get custody (if you love your kids).
But most likely she will get custody anyways (double standards at their best)
Keep the child. Even if not biologically yours.
Fight for your child. Don't bother with bastard and its mother.
>>17364129
data suggest a quarter of children think their father is someone not their biological father. I've always questioned that and thought it much higher, like here, half of children are mislead.
Have the man sign a statement and fuck her in a divorce case. Take both the kids with you.
Either that, or you forgive your wife and keep the written testimony witness signatures, as well as the paternity test, in a deposit box under your name in case she tries to cuck you again.
>this fucking thread
>then I hear a guy complaining that he found out that his kid is not his to someone in shop
>my ex was about to marry me but I've found out she was cheating just before the wedding and cancelled the shit out of it
I'm never getting into relationship. Whores are more predictable then "normal" woman, at least the deal is clear and the hold onto it.
Random hookups and nothing beside it.
Sad, because I've used to dream about a family.
>>17364451
I'm thinking the same. If she was really sorry OP you wouldn't have found out from somebody else after 8 years.
Your situation was always one of my worst fears. I always told myself I would just divorce her but I can't imagine how you feel OP.
