How do you deal with getting bored during sex? I like the kisses and cuddles and intimacy and everything building up to it and follows after, and I always try to psych myself up to being into it, but I get bored after the first 30 seconds and after that start counting ceiling planks and wishing there was a way to fast forward over it.
The best I can usually do is be on top until my interest runs out (pretty much immediately) change while making sure he doesn't see my face in the position I'm in and just try to play along until he's done.
I've never been good with boring tasks where I can't space out and start thinking about my own stuff, so it's really frustrating.
You might not be getting the kind of sex you enjoy, eg you are more into BDSM than vanilla sex. Your lover could also just be lousy. And if you're a woman part of it could be that penetration just physically isn't great for you, that's an individual case sadly. If so, ask him to go down on you beforehand, it can feel better after you already came.
If you are a man, check to make sure you don't deathgrip.
>>17360587
I really dislike receiving oral, it's both really awkward, unpleasant for my partner and does nothing to make the process pass by faster. Giving oral is better for the reverse reasons, unless he still wants another round after ejaculating and it'll only take longer. It's a bit of double-or-nothing.
I've tried clitoris, g-spot and u-spot stuff too, but it's boring and pointless too.
How do you know if you're into bdsm? How do you start?
i have the same problem. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
getting an orgasm before penetration makes it 100x worse since i'm not even horny anymore. but then again, i can't cum whilst a dick is inside me and he won't give me oral after he cummed inside me. so most of the time i'm left with no orgasm. don't get me wrong, he's very interested in my satisfaction, i'm just very hard to please. what i do notice is that i might also not get off from plain vanilla sex. it's better if i act out fantasies. then even the dicking feels slightly good.
>>17360611
Plenty of men love to give oral, but if you don't enjoy it obviously that's the end of it. How about fingering you to an orgasm?
Do you like to masturbate? If literally nothing arouses you physically I think you should just kind of accept that your body isn't that sexually sensitive and try to enjoy it for the intimacy and what you do get out of it. Sex is hyped a lot but it's really not true that every person loves it, plenty of people (including men) lose all or a substantial part of their interest in it somewhere in a long term relationship.
As for realizing it, try to fantasize about it (if you do enjoy masturbation, that is), read erotica, watch porn (preferably softcore stuff, hardcore BDSM is not for the faint hearted) and see if it turns you on. If you like it when he spanks you, forces you into another position or is a bit more frantic and rough than usually, that's a giveaway.
>>17360619
Does it make a difference if you finger yourself during sex? If that's the case you could try throwing in a vibrator.
>>17360623
or maybe you are into being the assertive/dominant part... just saying. that's what does it for me.
>>17360627
nope. my whole genital area goes numb during sex. i've tried everything i can think off. fingering myself, him fingering me, vibrators, nothing. it's as if my body nopes out of sex. i don't know what the problem is. why would it go numb when it should be hyper sensitive instead...
>>17360623
I don't orgasm, I don't masturbate.
I had some kind of a thing for weird feedist stuff at some point but that's disappeared completely these days. Now I just like fat guys aesthetically.
How do you make the time during the act itself pass faster? It's like trying to read a phone book while someone reads another phone book aloud to you. Boring, but you can't focus enough to properly zone out.
>>17360629
Have you ever brought it up to a gynaecologist? Mind you, I'm no medical expert whatsoever, but given how extreme and specific this is I wonder if it could partly be a case of the blood flow.
On a sadder note, I have heard descriptions somewhat like this (online) from people who suffered extreme sexual abuse... but I reckon you would realize some psychological difficulty with sex as well then, even if you mostly repressed the memories (which is still a debated phenomenon in psychology in itself).
>>17360642
Well shit. Yeah then I'd just focus on making the time pass. Would it be impossible to try to go into a sort of meditative state that at least makes you refreshed?
>>17360647
I've tried playing the syllable game with the objects in the room, but I keep forgetting them.
Do you have any suggestions to what you can do inside of your head to keep you occupied?
>>17360642
So, so unattractive. Please don't breed
>>17360647
>Have you ever brought it up to a gynaecologist?
no, i had other things to worry about. maybe i will next time i'm there.
>blood flow
i think it's not a physical thing, more a psychological
>sexual abuse
as far as i am aware, that never happened. but there was other abuse. mental and physical. just not sexual. it might be that. i've been to therapy, but there was so much to work trough that sex never even was a topic. it's also not something i can't live with. it would just be nice to actually enjoy sex with my bf.
do you think it's even possible to abuse yourself sexually? because i used sex as a means to cope with the other abuse at a very eraly age. maybe that's it. it was never not with my consent.
>>17360654
i'm the other girl that doesn't get anything out of sex. i just try to get involved. i focus on the closenes and intimacy. granted, that only works if you have sex with someone you actually care about. i do play out sexual fantasies in my head sometimes and that helps a tad. give it a try. trying to distract yourself is not a very good idea in my opinion... it will only aid to make things worse
>>17360662
I don't get why men pass judgement on anything a woman is or does as if her sole goal is to be attractive to him, and the ones who aren't are somehow failing or deficient as people. Like it's the worst possible thing to be.
Do you have any idea how vast the universe is? Do you have any idea how fleeting and insignificant our lives are? Can you really not fathom that a conscious entity could possibly have goals, purposes, and yes, even problems separate from your dick?
>>17360654
It's harder if you have the distraction going on, like you said. I've heard that people with a great memory learn to remember random stuff by picturing themselves walking through a house and seeing all the objects there. If you practice it you can remember things more easily, apparently. Perhaps that's an idea? More associative than needing to remember syllables.
>>17360664
Yeah, I think it's possible to put yourself willingly in situations that turn out to be harmful to you... which is what it sounds like to me. Did you use to enjoy sex more than you do now? If that's the case my bet would be that you have learned to (not literally but I can't think of a better descriptive right now) dissociate from what was going on with your lower body, because it was too shitty to be all aware of that when having bad sex. (If that's the case, that is. Just being young in itself doesn't mean it was wrong, but if it was with people you disliked who used you etc, that's another story.)
>>17360672
What if I don't have sexual fantasies?
The closeness and intimacy are ruined by the penetration, my partner isn't there when he's aroused. I might as well be trying to have a good time with a brick wall. One that happens to get anxiety if it figures out I'm bored, that is.
>>17360492
Sounds like you're asexual.
>>17360694
I used to have all sorts of fantasy worlds and scenarios in my head as a kid, I spent a lot of time there while disassociating. I don't remember them anymore, not any more than I know how to disassociate. Do you think I should try and train myself to do it again?
>>17360695
ok. you're right. i know how that feels. you could just daydream. doesn't have to be sexual. just imagine what you would do if xyz happened. keep it fantastic. for example, you stublme over a long forgotten secret valley or something.
>>17360675
Wow, you're even some kind of female fedoralord.
You are a walking turn off, man or woman.
>>17360707
YES
>>17360492
>>17360675
>boring in bed and all holier than thou attitude
How the hell do you even get laid jesus Christ.
>>17360694
>Did you use to enjoy sex more than you do now?
i never had sex that was worth being enjoyed for a long time. and now that i finally have, i can't. might be some sort of "distancing myself" from what's going on "down there". how can i change that again? help me...
>>17360709
>>17360714
I guess that's the solution then. It's going to get tough though.
>>17360710
>you are unattractive to me and therefore a failure
>I have no desire to be attractive to you
>you are unattractive to me and therefore a failure
>>17360716
I responded to being childishly insulted by pointing out that the insult was childish.
Can you tell me, what should I have done instead? What was the appropriate reaction that was expected here?
>>17360726
have you EVER watched a movie/read a book/whatever that got you aroused? even in the slightest?
>>17360718
I'm really sorry to give you this trite answer, but I honestly think this is something you need sexual therapy for. Obviously you don't have a clear perspective on what could have caused you to feel the way about sex that you do today, but you have the desire to enjoy it and you are open towards warm feelings during sex for your partner. That's promising potential but I really think that you're better off with a professional who has a collection of assignments or tips to give you and can help you get to the bottom of your mental block. Sorry to not be able to be of more practical help, I feel for you.
I'm a dude with a similar problem, it's super easy for me to get hard as I find my wife very attractive, but when it comes to the act itself, I just want to get it over with, my mind starts wondering about the million other things I could be doing with this time.
I hate this, I'd like to be able to just enjoy sex, but can't for some reason, it always feels like a waste of time.
>>17360747
Do you feel much? Can you enjoy blowjobs?
If the answer is no and you do enjoy masturbation, the issue is deathgrip and can absolutely be solved.
>>17360740
I used to get turned on by the kind of fetish stuff where sex isn't even involved in the action at all, but that's gone now, too.
I'm pretty sure it all fucking disappeared after the one time I almost masturbated successfully. Had this bullet vibrator going, almost got there, thought "holy shit, this is it", and then the feeling disappeared and has never come back.
I still check the tumblr of the guy providing the material, he's gone beyond the range od what I liked in the first place but he's a charming personality.
>>17360741
i've tried to find a sex therapist. but the only ones i could find where new age tantra idiots. i might have to ask my therapis to recommend me a specialist. i really need to get to the bottom of this. i know it's frustrating for my bf. he obviously notices that i don't enjoy sex as much as i could...
>>17360762
I would absolutely try this, and if they don't know anyone ask a gynecologist if they can refer you to a good specialist. Best of luck.
>>17360757
>holy shit, this is it
that means it's a mental block, not a physical problem.
do YOU have a history of abuse?
how long ago was it that you almost reached orgasm?
also, if i suddenly realize that i'm about to cum, it's over too. i'm not realxed anough anymore. i have to cum without thinking about it. the best approach for me is to not even try to orgasm. if it happens, i'm positively surprised. but there's no pressure to orgasm
>>17360776
i'll ask both. thanks a lot. you made me aware that i should have asked them a long time ago. i will do next time
>>17360781
No, I don't think so. I've fucked people I didn't like out of convenience before (times when I've concluded it's easier to let this dude take me wherever than to walk home 4 km in the dark and the snow in heels, etc) but I've never been fucked without permission.
>>17360793
i did a lot of similar stuff. fuck because it was easier. in hindsight, it was almost every time i fucked. excluding my current bf. i once went to a pharmacy and asked for something for a yeast infection that i got from a public pool. the lady there was some new age hillbilly and would not stop wanting to sell me her snake oils. but she said something very weird that has stuck with me since then. i can't remember the circumstances, but she told me i might be sexually abusing myself. guess that' actually possible. and it sounds like you do the same.
>>17360803
Yeah, probably. No means no and yes means yes and if I tell a guy I'm too drunk to care what he does to me, that's still a yes.
The fuck is he expected to know my life story.
>>17360807
oh, i don't blame any of the guys. not in the slightest. it was me that was taking advantage of my own body. i guess it's as tumblr as it gets, but i might have raped myself over and over again. how pathetic is that?
>>17360817
Nah, the tumblr thing to do would be to expect him to have known your (/my?) condition, therefore going by the assumption that their actions were deliberately malicious, being LIVID about it and demanding revenge.
I don't think I was raped, though. Never hurt like that. You don't even get bored when you're drunk enough.
>>17360753
I feel everything just fine, always come from sex, it just feels like a waste of time for some reason, like with masturbation, I could be done in a minute and then get on with my day.
>>17360823
>Never hurt like that
i had some rather painfull encounters. but i never told anyone to stop, so it's entirely my own thing.
but i didn't even mean it in a "hurtfull" way. more in a "mentally damaging" way. i definitely have been drinking too much for a while, which helped with not being "there" during sex. but i have always been very good at detaching myself from my body due to the physical abuse that was non sexual that i experienced.
>>17360835
Yeah, you really do need a professional with these.
>>17360850
i've told my psychologist about my first sexual encounters. she was pretty shocked. i guess it's not THAT easy to shock a psychologist. so it must be rather bad. but we just grazed over it. i might have to specifically ask her about it another time.
I imagine the girl is being fucked by the other guy while I watch.
Try it.
>>17360863
which other guy? which girl? huh? you mean you imagine getting cucked whilst having sex?
>>17360880
kek
i imagine that i get fucked by a big dog mostly. whatever floats your boat i guess
