>meet a girl
>talk to her a lot either IRL or through text
>she really enjoys talking to me and if she shows up at a party I'm at or a friend's house or something wants to spend majority of time talking with me
>I develop a thing for her but am too scared if I start showing overt interest too early she won't go for it
>Takes like a month for me to finally build up the nerve to ask her out
>Literally the day or sometimes even the minute after I finally work my way up to it I see or hear that she's in a relationship with someone, usually from my circle of friends
Why the fuck do I keep doing this to myself? It's like I either know with a high degree of certainty that a girl likes me or know that if I ask her out it won't be awkward between us afterwards because we always end up becoming friends after this occurs, but I just get never get myself to do it. It's like there's some automatic mechanism in my brain that forces me to wait until it's already too late to ask someone out or make a move. This has happened with the last 4 girls I've liked.
>>17358307
Maybe you're the DUFF (Designated ugly fat friend), it might actually be a real thing.
>>17358307
maybe you are using that as an excuse. like 'OH SHE WOULD HAVE TOTALLY DATED ME IF IT WASNT FOR THE FACT THAT SOMEONE ELSE ASKED HER OUT FIRST'
there is no mental trick to beating this. you know the problem, you see it before you. start asking girls out.
>>17358319 It would make sense desu. All of my dude friends are super attractive compared to me and that's not just low self-esteem talking it's something we've all pretty much agreed on before. We did that whole shit where we figured if our life was a sitcom I'd be the funny fat guy (even though I'm not that big anymore)
>>17358321
>there is no mental trick to beating this. you know the problem, you see it before you. start asking girls out.
I guess the real question is how to deal with low-self esteem issues. I've had pretty bad anxiety and self-esteem issues since I was about 13 and all throughout middle an high school I had really bad experiences with girls that I won't go into, but they're cringe material for various reasons. These left me really jaded for a while and when I finally lost a bunch of weight and actually started trying to participate in my friend group and have a social life I knew that women didn't automatically think I wasn't worth dating or whatever but I still react the same way I did when I thought all women hated me back in high school
>>17358333
>how to beat anxiety
by doing the things you are afraid of. no way to get around that.
in this particular instancei t also helps to acknowledge a few things
>people arent petty as they were in highschool.
in highschool who asked who out was everyones business. in adulthood these thigns are more private and less group focused.
another thing to consider is the worst thing they can say is 'no'. anything meaner than that and they are a cunt, so you're lucky they werent into you. but your life is exactly the same as it was an hour ago so as long as you enjoy your life... and if you dont enjoy your life dont ask out women. focus on having fun on your own firs.t
>>17358307
Don't wait for a month. Chances are that every girl who you start spending time with is talking to a few other people as well.
Talk to her for a few days to a week so that you can get to know her a bit, and then ask her out.
