did 4chan fuck me up or did i always have these fucked up thoughts of apathy and despair?
Depends where you lurk, some threads definitely will fuck you up in ways life wouldn't have.
You were already fucked up, staying here and wallowing in it isn't helping and is slowly making it worse
It's more you than anything else.
You are the one seeking out those threads, arent you?
I know what you mean, but it's up to the individual person how someone is affected by the "negativity" around this place.