I'm worried about our future together. I'm 23, she's 22, been going out for 2 years now. The relationship is really plain. I dated once before and she was adventurous, would cook for me, just did sexy things for the heck of it. My gf doesn't do much of that, she likes to clean but can't cook or bake, has no hobbies, will only do stuff if it's preplanned by me. She's gained 20 pounds, in her defense she started birth control early this year. Personally I am aspiring to live a conformable middle class life at least. I just got a my first career like job, just bought a condo. But my gf works too far to move in. She's dropping her $17/hr job to work for a $12/hr job that she says is a must to move in with me. A friend of mine offered her a better paying job that's close and she didn't do it because "it's awkward"
TL;DR: worried my life is going to be simply dull and boring, gf doesn't seem to want to change that but we are living together soon.
>>17355110
if your priority is having an exciting life
then you have to work on changing her or leaving her
you can change people
but not forcibly
being honest about your desires and beliefs is a good way to start
if she doesn't budge and your priority is still excitement over whatever she offers you
then you know what to do for yourself
>>17355124
I agree to that. I'm hoping the living together will make things better but I'm worried if it doesn't.
>>17355142
you should be upfront with her about your concerns before you move if you want to help your worrying
it's a good step in your relationship to be honest anyway
>>17355110
>She's gained 20 pounds
>in her defense she started birth control early this year
I have bad news for you
>>17355110
>I'm worried about our future together
If you're at this point, it's unlikely there is any future together.
And going by what you wrote it sounds like a pretty dull relationship too, it barely even sounds like one at all, with too much focus on dollars and her skills, and not a single word about the RELATIONship.
>I'm hoping the living together will make things better
That's like the women who think getting a baby will fix the relationship...
She (and any long term partner) has to offer you something, anything, that you simply can't find in anyone else. Something that excites you, or fills you with warmth, or makes you think "I'm really lucky to have snagged this girl"
No offense but from what you write, she offers none of this.
Why are you still with her? You're still young, you have a new job and a new condo. Let her fucking go before she becomes a parasite in your life. Trust me. This is not marriage material. Get out there and find a girl that pushes all the right buttons for you
>>17355110
>she was settled in her brain years ago.
>she already had a set of ideals and getting fat and keeping the same kind of work doesn't stop those ideals from happening.
>she has a social life to some extent so she is content.
>she has looks to an extent. she is preserving these things even though she gets fatter.
>generally lazy and never had intense challenges in life form other people.
>a sedentary lifestyle of an early 20s chick
>why does this surprise you
>>17355150
i disagree. i think op should take a path where he helps himself first. keep going with the relationship plan but he can build himself up and constantly be changing and advancing his own life. his girl will see this and she will either change herself and they will become a team, or she will get even lazier and princessy.
>>17355165
I have tried finding another girl to date and have never had any luck. Call me an asshole but when I bought the condo I've tried getting girls to come to my place or try to find someplace before she is going to move in but cant get a single girl to date me for 2 years. I know she sounds dull but she seems to be all I can get.
>>17355164
Moving in let's us be together a lot more than before. She had to drive a half hour one way just to visit me and we only hangout 2 days a week for the entire term of the relationship.
>>17355197
So you're basically just together because you didn't find someone better, lovely.
>Moving in let's us be together a lot more than before.
And get bored even faster.
>>17355197
If you have been actively looking for a replacement, you are already know you need to let her go and move on. Even if you don't have another person lined up yet, being single will give you more chances to find someone else and you won't have to be secretive about it. You just aren't that into her, be honest with yourself and end this before you end up marrying her and getting an eventual divorce.
>>17355193
in what ways can be build himself up to be advancing his own life without leaving her behind in the first place
she's the major impediment as of right now
he can attempt to do exciting things in the relationship like his ex did and see how that works,
but that would only be more likely to succeed after opening up with her anyway
>>17355209
if op abandons her and he keeps responding to her later texts/calls then he fucked up once again. op needs to ditch her and never contact her again.
>>17355204
I've been looking for 2 years. I don't see how being single would change anything other than make me feel depressed that I let someone that does love me but is just boring go.
>>17355219
!
that seems like an extreme solution
he could do that, but i believe the situation is more fragile than that answer would do good for
precipitating whatever action he chooses with consideration about what he wants out of his life will ensure that it ends up well for him in the end,
something that encouraging a one-way solution discludes entirely
>>17355201
Gotta be realistic with yourself, anon. We may know what we want, but that doesn't mean we're capable of getting it. Settling is an option.
>>17355245
a large fallacy of the modern societal concept of love is that you must be perfectly compatible with your partner,
whereas the strongest love comes from the will and determination to persevere together regardless of your differences from each other
being able to overcome conflict that arises from being different shows a greater degree of love
than never entering conflict because you are perfectly compatible with each other
>>17355110
Dump current deadbeat gf
Get adventurous gf
Have unprotected sex
????
Profit?
But seriously you may wanna find a new girl.
Do something special for her and remind her of the old days.
>>17355245
Settling with lower options is worse in the long run. You mentally give up about getting something better, which affects you beyond a relationshit. Besides, it's not that much of a crazy wish to want a more compatible partner, specially given how OP had somebody he obviously likes more already.
>whereas the strongest love comes from the will and determination to persevere together regardless of your differences from each other
Sure but there have to be some factors that keep you together and in love, beyond "well, that's all I can get" It's not just disrespectful towards your partner but towards yourself too.
>being able to overcome conflict that arises from being different shows a greater degree of love
than never entering conflict because you are perfectly compatible with each other
True again, these kind of relationships are a lot more fun too. Perfect love is an idea for YA novels.
Now the thing here seems less of a conflict because of differences but two people having completely different idea of a relationship, and one of them drifting away emotionally. Things like that are very unlikely to work out for either side.
>>17355295
although those statements could be applied here, i didn't intend them to
every situation is more complicated than to be fit by one thought dynamic, and only op can be the true judge of what's best for him
there is support for both settling and leaving
abandoning one in search for another is a personal risk that an individual alone can measure
staying in a relationship due to fear of not finding someone better is ultimately unhealthy,
as is leaving a relationship due to not being entirely compatible
unless you are comfortable with those ideals
in which case you may come to the right conclusion from wrong answers
>>17355289
The old days werent that great. She was worse emotionally before going on birth control. If anything currently has been the most exciting time I've had but more because of the new awesome job and condo.
>>17355225
>waah waah I'd be depressed alone
And how do you think your partner would feel like if she knew you've been trying to cheat, and still are looking for something else?
Fuck off.
