>Be me.
>Be only 20 years old.
>Spend 20 years of my life devoted to others.
>Get kicked down. Time after time.
>Every time I say I quit, I continue on.
>Be 8. Live the last truly happy year of my life
>Life completely changes. I feel the happiness drain from every facet of my reality, but I am not quite aware of it yet.
>Watch as all of my friends completely isolate me.
>Watch as I become the social pariah that I never truly wanted to be. I just wanted to fit in and be happy.
>Be 12. Move from original state to new state.
>Find out my Father has cancer.
>TFW
>TFW
>Become biter. Start to realize that every bit of happiness I ever lived was a lie. That life was as much a bitter joke as reality itself.
>Watch as my Father becomes a husk of who he was. Watch as he tries to his last seen breath defending his one true gem he had left in the world.
>The gem is me.
>Be 13. Father is on Death Bed. Refuse to go see him.
>It's too painful.
>Hear that he finally died.
>It hit's really hard.
>I feel nothing now.
>Spend the next few years seperating myself from everything I've ever known. Everything I've ever cared for.
>Completely seperate myself from reality.
>Live life in my own bitter shell of masochism and sadism.
>Watch many things I regret to this day.
>Do many things I regret to this day.
>Find my way out of the darkness.
>Find a path in life that makes me feel like it's all worth it again.
>Spend the next 6 years completely devoted to changing myself from my Evil ways and becoming what I once thought I was.
>Get kicked down every time I try to trust anyone or anything. Start to hate, but I eventually forgive.
>Realize that I am slowly rotting away. I am no longer what I thought I was.
>My mind no longer is as sharp as it was when I was a Teen.
>My spirit is as shattered as it was when my Father died.
>Still trying to find hope. Still searching.
>Be 20.
>Find dream job in Japan.
>Finally feel like I'm going to help people again.
>Like it's all going to matter once more.
>Arrive. Nothing feels different.
>I try and give it everything I have.
>This is my last shot.
>I eventually get fired.
>Full onset depression. I find alcohol. It's the only thing that eases the pain.
>It's the only thing that truly makes me.. Feel again.
>Watch as everything I have ever done amounts up to depression and debt.
>Find God.
>Give everything I have.
>Try to believe.. Just one more time.. For old times sake..
>Nothing changes
>People are destroyihng me and my life.
>Be writing this post in tears.
>Please.. Kill me
I don't want to change 4Chan.
I want to help others. I love to see how they look when they can feel that someone is truly looking out for them..
But I can't do it anymore..
>>17353392
I just want to make sure that you know I'm listening to your history, so keep going.
>>17353402
Well I once had a guy who I thought I could call my Brother literally pull a knife on me because of a Woman that I couldn't let go of.
She was my one and true love connection and I was afraid to let it go.
>Be 19
>>17353402
https://youtu.be/6Me7HFWjpLM
>>17353402
There was also the time where I moved to state #2 to live with a guy who ultimately ended up kicking me out with no money or anything to show for it.
Welp.
Time to seriously consider how to kill myself.
Apparently 85ft should do the trick.
>>17353368
>>17353382
Jeez, what animu did you rip off.
>>17353458
My life.
>>17353392
Volunteer nigga damn.
>>17353472
My entire life has been one volunteer story where I have been slapped in the face and called a retard for doing so.
>>17353368
Thanks, this post gave me confidence to keep being a shut-in and doing nothing with my life since struggling is useless anyway.
>>17353474
So? Learn to not give a shit and just try to help people who are in actual need. Not just orbiting people in a vain attempt to gain friends or relationships. I mean going out there and helping the poor and hungry of this world. Stop giving a shit about what people say and just do it. The quicker you stop giving a shit, the quicker you can start living homie.
>>17353484
Every time I say that I don't care I somehow manage to find a way to care again.
Regardless of how far I travel or what I do.
>Find a way out of the darkness
>Spend next 6 years
>>17353368
You aren't evil. You've lived a life of suffering. You may not have caused your mess. However, the only way out is to fix it yourself. Give yourself importance. You can't help others if you can't help yourself.
>>17353499
No.. I was literal evil at one time.
>>17353368
Why do you suppose there are so many of "you" on this board?
You are all sitting on the pity pot together. Go hang out someplace with positive people. Maybe some will rub off.
>>17353511
The job in Japan was sales.
It did not work.
>>17353509
We have all done things that have brought pain to others. It may even bring us pleasure. However, we do these things out of the suffering we feel ourselves. I don't think this makes us evil. It makes us human.
>>17353513
Sales isn't positive. Sales is sleazebaggery.
>>17353516
I'm a man of absolutes.
If I care about others, I absolutely care about others.
If I care about myself, I absolutely only care about myself.
I understand the Human experience a little more now.. But I do not feel like I'm a normal facet of Human Population in the slightest.
Not even among 4Chan.
>>17353522
I understand this mentality. It's very hard to live with.
>>17353536
We're not normal, are we?
>>17353550
Nope, I don't think we are. I'm not sure what further to say. I'm going to think about this for days.
>>17353561
I think it's time for what we've been thinking to finally happen, Friend.
That's what wanting to help humans does for you. You should become selfish desu. You'll be happier after accepting that it's impossible for us to be good people.
>>17353368
Holy shit you sound like a raging faggot. No wonder everyone distances themselves from you.
>>17353598
What was your childhood like
>>17353657
It wasn't perfect but I sure wasn't a whiny little bitch like you. Fucking fuck.
coming from somewhat similar experience OP
25 now - still at my shit job fundraising for charities - won't leave because then i'll have given up on my ideals - even though i hardly believe them anymore - read berserk - it helps me
