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Back in high school, we had a video game design class. As a gamer myself and having interest in it's development,I took it the course. I did pretty well (B grade and not a stunning A+ sadly) as well as the engine we used for the level design portion was outdated, I really did find enjoyment and fulfillment in the course.

Now I had a friend in the course who got asked by the teacher if he was interested in taking the game design shit as a career. The teacher never did ask me if I wanted to take it as a career but I shrugged it off. My shit I made in the class wasn't the best anyways but I still wanted to do this and git gud. The teacher gave only a limited number of students to come on a field trip to some game company around the area I lived in during my time taking the course. My friend got invited. I never did although most people just asked if they could come along.

Now fast forward a few years from all of that. I have taken the game design shit seriously. Went to some college for it and graduated. But I not only have no job but I feel like my work was underwhelming compared to the other students'. I feel like the teacher back in high school knew I wasn't cut out for it but I said fuck it, I'm following my dreams, I'll get better, I'll become the best, you know those cheesy bullshit lines they make in movies. I said them. And now here I am. I wasted a few years of my life for this shit. I did it but I didn't make it. I don't know what. Maybe I was just meant to be a player and no maker? I feel like such an embarrassment to my family and myself. The thought of doing something else during that time keeps rushing in my head and it's not leaving. I don't know what to do from here. The signs were there that I'm not making it yet ignorance got the best of me and here I am.

I just don't know. I'm feeling way too down over this. Need some help.