Confessing my love of 3 years to my best friend tomorrow. How should I go about it ? What if she's talking to an other guy ? Am I selfish for this.
Don't
>>17351198
>selfish?
No. Retarded for chasing away an ally? Yep.
>>17351198
Don't confess your love to her. That's just weird, just remind her of how long you have been friends and say that lately you've been thinking it might be a good thing to try "something more than just good friends", and ask her if she wants to go on a date.
I'm not a girl, but I imagine hearing my best friend say he's been jerking off to me for the past three years and fantasizing about a life together might be terrifying. The whole "confess my eternal love to my best friend" thing is just weird. Just ask her out, if she says she doesn't think she wants that, be cool and remind her you're still her friend.
Going from friend to lover takes time, and should be mutual. Invite her to try it with you, don't say you've already gone and done it.
>>17351208
You make very good sense anon. If she is seeing someone should I distance myself but remind her I'm an option if things don't work out?
>>17351198
Oh my fucking God you fucking idiot.
Let me explain something to you that will prevent this situation from ever happening again. Within the first 3 times you see a girl, you have to convey sexual intrest or you're doomed to be a friend 99 percent of the time.
If you convey your love theres a 99 percent chance you'll fail. I still recommend you do it though because A. You might get lucky and B. It'll help you re-gain your fucking balls.
>>17351213
Fair point, is it wise to flirt with a girl even if your just friends ?
Solid advice guys if it fails for me (probably will) how can I start letting her go
>>17351212
I wouldn't word it like "I'm an option". I'd say something like "I'll always be there for you if you need me". The implications of that are clear enough, but also aren't pushy.
Also, before you even say that you'd like to go out with her, maybe ask a bit about if she is seeing someone. If not, ask her why not? And maybe if it still seems prudent after that, let her know that you would be open to going out and seeing if something happens, if that's what she wants.
If you're really good friends like you say, then the most important thing is making her feel like your friendship isn't on the line if she says no.
>>17351217
Of course. Flirting is always fair game unless she shuts you down.
>>17351223
Why let her go? If she's ACTUALLY your best friend, then don't. Good friends are hard to come by, and letting one go just because she doesn't feel sexually attracted to you is silly.
Take it from me, I have almost no friends.
>>17351233
I can't just see her as a friend though that's what has been killing me I want to but my feeling get in the way.
>>17351242
You will if you find someone else for yourself to love. And then you'll be happy you kept her.
>>17351228
Thanks anon solid advice
>>17351249
I hope I can anon that would be the dream if I can't get her
>>17351198
>How should I go about it ?
Do not mention how long you've been pining. Creeping over her for that long is a one-way ticket to the "I'm not comfortable around you anymore" zone.
>>17351198
>best friend
>doesn't know if she's dating anyone
Shit man, I know about my "lesser" friends and that's without fb.
If you true really are besties just hang out a lot and lead up to it. Definitely read the mood on this one.
>>17351820
Op here she's been talking to a guy but they aren't official. Im talking less to her to calm my feelings
>>17351776
What would you say ?
>>17351917
If she's interested in someone else then just let her be for now.
>>17351198
I was friends with a girl for a year.
One day our hands just slid into a holding position. We were both unaware of the action, instinct, we both got flustered afterwards.
Been with her the last 5 years now.
Gonna marry her soon.
>>17352064
That's beautiful anon wish I wasn't such a bitch
How old are you, OP?
Because you sound 16.
I had a best friend for 6 years was in love with her for the longest time, finally we dated for about a few months then the guy she liked moved back and she broke up with me, awhile after i dropped out of high school because i couldn't deal with my anxiety attacks, months went by then we finally meet up and talked again and decided we went our separate ways been a year and i still think about her i miss her so much being a NEET is lonely as fuck, but i think the only reason i miss her is because she's the only best friend i ever had. I need help /adv/ should i just try my hardest to move on or talk to her again
>>17351198
I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty what's going to happen.
You're going to say a bunch of shit, probably through a text message or something, and she'll take a while to reply (or go silent for a moment) and say she doesn't feel the same way about you and that she just wants to be friends.
If you want to be with her, try to kiss her or do something physical. You're not losing any less if you get rejected, in fact, it may actually be LESS awkward, and at least that way you give yourself a fighting chance.
There is literally nothing more unattractive and pathetic than a guy "professing" his love to a girl. Even if she does feel the same way about you, this will ruin it. Guaranteed.
>>17351198
>Confessing my love of 3 years to my best friend tomorrow.
> my best friend
>What if she's talking to an other guy ?
You don't know if your best friend is seeing someone? What the hell sort of friendships do you have?
>>17351198
> we've been friends for ages now, do you want to try going out?
> no
> okay then
Stop being friends and move on.
OP, do it, and report back to us. Trainwreck incoming.
>>17351198
Don't confess your love, ask her out on a date and then go from there. Don't confess your love unless you get deep into a relationship with her
>>17352508
>What the hell sort of friendships do you have?
that's just it, it is not a real friendship. He orbits and she puts up with it. In three years time she knows if she wants OP or not and would have made a move on him. Women don't do this marathon longing shit but go straight for the win. She wants this other guy and the only reason OP is thinking of spilling now believing he can preempt.
>>17351217
LOL
>>17352717
Very much this.
>>17352717
>Don't confess your love, ask her out on a date and then go from there. Don't confess your love unless you get deep into a relationship with her
Yeah, this. Emotionally investing before you start dating is putting the cart before the horse. You date to find people to invest in, not the other way around.
Even though you made a mistake in the way you ordered things, this CAN be recovered from sometimes. But whether or not it's recoverable depends on factors that are mostly outside your control, and to be blunt, the odds are against you. The biggest measure of control you can exert is to not let on just how long you've been deeply invested like this. Not until she is at least as strongly invested as you, at any rate. At that point you'd likely be forgiven. Before her investment is made, not so much.
I did the same once. We ended up dating for a while and then I cheated on her. I never spoke to her again because the pain I done to her was too great as I still thought of her as a bestfriend as well as my love.
Its been 5 years now. Still havent spoken to her to tell her that Im sorry.
>>17351918
>What would you say ?
"My feelings have been changing for a while now". This is technically true but misleading in context: what has changed is your resolve rather than your interest, and "a while" generally implies something shorter than three years.
This is not a good thing to do, from a moral standpoint. It is truthful, but not entirely honest, and it is manipulative. At some point, you will have to apologize for not telling her sooner. And it is possible that she will dig deeper, and you will have no choice but to reveal the timing before she's ready to hear that, and if this happens you are screwed. But it's your only chance.
Op here didn't tell her I was in love with her for 3 years but told her my feeling have developed into more than just friend feelings, she told me that she didn't know how to feel and she needed to prosess her thoughts and walked off with tears in her eyes. That's the watered down version of it. Did I fuck up guys ? I'm 20 been friends with her for 6 years
>>17351198
How old are you? Confessing love shit happens in movies, nobody sane does that shit. You invite her on something date-y but if there was no sign of romantic love over 3 fucking years of somehow regular contact, it won't suddenly appear out of nothing. It's just weird.
>>17353949
We had a thing in high school and a bit in college, not a boyfriend girlfriend but we kissed and shit
>>17353957
Oh. Thank fuck, that makes it a lot less cringy. What made you go back from that into a more conventional friendship?
Also w-were the tears out of happiness by any chance?
>>17353957
Entering college made things hard especially time management she was working while in college and as was I. Looking back it was for the best even though it hurt at the time.
>>17353904
Yes. You never, ever, ever confess feelings for someone. You slowly build up interest. Flirt with them, actively get them to like you the way you like them. Then invite them out somewhere. That is how you get a girlfriend, and that is how you get out of the friendzone.
>>17353997
Not what it looked like more tears of don't do this to me. But not sure. What do I do now ? Text her , don't text her ?
>>17354018
Might be a bit late but you think there's hope for me to ask her on a date ?
>>17351198
Alright...but...you're not expecting it to, like, *work*, right? I hope?
You're just going to lose a friend dude. She ALREADY KNOWS you fucking like her. Girls aren't retarded.
It's just that once you try asserting yourself as an actual suitor she's going to get uncomfortable and withdraw. She's not interested in you that way.
>>17354032
Naw, do nothing for the next 3-4 days or so. Depending on your lives (job) maybe even a week. If she still didn't contact you after all this time, it's clearly a no and you DON'T ask her for a date.
>>17354043
Yeah I know wasn't expecting it to work out but couldn't keep it locked in anymore had to let it out. Probably going to end with us not talking for a bit but hope she stays in my life.
>>17354046
Those that mean I shouldn't be her friend anymore ?
>>17351242
Yes you can. If she matters to you, you can swallow your ego and be friends with her even after being rejected.
If we let go of pride and other shitty attachments, amazing things can happen. It's possible to be attracted to a girl, be friends with her, but not fucking her; her knowing you want to, but not being disrespectful or uncomfortable because of that.
If you are friends with a girl and she starts talking about problems with her boyfriend or something like that and you don't want to listen, just says so and say why. Any decent person won't have a problem with that.
>>17352064
That's the most heartwarming thing I read in a while. Congrats.
>>17354110
Dam anon you make a great point, I'll hope she will understand. Has this happen to you before ?
>>17354121
Not the one you replied to, but yes. Told her i would like to be more than friends, she rejected me very politely, we didn't Talk for ~a week, after that everything was pretty much back to normal
>>17354108
Oh fucking hell. Is her pussy the most important thing in the situation? I didn't get the pussy, so I break contact? Fuck this PUA shit. Do you see her as a friend or a person at all?
I aplogize, if I'm being judgemental as fuck now. I just don't want you to repeat my mistake.
I met a girl who had a boyfriend and when I realized I didn't have a chance, I cut contact after moving to another country. More than a year later I realized she was one of the few people who think on the same wavelenght as me and was or could be a good friend.
It took a fucking miracle to help me fix that. She spotted me while I was visiting the town I used to live in and sent me a message later. All I could do was to be honest and ask if she still wants to be friends.
>>17354121
>Has this happen to you before ?
Yes.
>>17354149
>I met a girl who had a boyfriend and when I realized I didn't have a chance, I cut contact after moving to another country. More than a year later I realized she was one of the few people who think on the same wavelenght as me and was or could be a good friend.
Damn, that was some tragic idiocy on your part. Gratz on fixing it. The story got a happy ending and you're still friends, r-right?
>>17354149
I admit my lustful thoughts get in the way sometimes but I legitly care about her. How's your friendship going and how do you put your feeling aside ?
>>17354018
Question.
Let's say that you(I) romanticized things with a girl and made it bigger than what it actually was.
You said that you had feelings for her, but she said that she wants to see where it goes.
Is there anyway to recover from that? I truly do like this girl, and want this to work.
How did it went??
>>17354168
>that was some tragic idiocy on your part
Heh.
>The story got a happy ending and you're still friends, r-right?
We live 50km apart, but we meet once or twice per month and we talk like friends. Unless there's anyone else that triggers my social anxiety.
I can't be 100% relaxed around her though. I guess some feelings of jealousy are left.
I assume when I move back to the city to be around people, go to events and shit, it will get better.
>>17354188
Don't ask for a magic word to fix this.
What do you want? Boil it down to a single sentence and say it
>>17354220
I want her to like me again.
Do I give her space and make her miss me?
I'm not looking for a magic word, I know it will take time. I'm looking for a way to build this back.
She had feelings before, but became distant(She is in europe). First couple months were great, she was really interested in me. That's where I caught feelings. She said she wants to hang out as friends when she gets back and see where it goes.
>>17354251
>I want her to like me again.
She does, dummy, because:
>She said she wants to hang out
Just because she doesn't jump on your dick, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you. We guys often make a mistake of thinking this way.
>>17354307
You make a good point anon.
But if she likes me, why is she posting snapchats of her with other guys while she's out in Europe? I have no reason to say anything to her, because we're not together, but still.
I get what you're saying, but it's just hard to not overthink shit because I never go out(No friends lel)
OP.
Please first off, don't use the word "confess". It sounds so stupid.
Don't tell her you like her. That's like giving up before you even start.
Get her to like you. Start working out, slowly start flirting with her. If you're already her friend, you have a good shot.
I know you won't take my advice but for anyone else out there, it's not hard to get a girl who you are friends with. If you're actively improving yourself, and if you start getting attention from other girls, they get jealous.
>>17354328
Ehh, I stay away from Snapchat, so I can't really give an advice about it.
Have have to say that you sound like a really naive and inexperienced. Forget about fucking your friend. Do some things you haven't done before, go among people, make more friends, talk to girls, pursue some dreams.
>>17354346
>Don't tell her you like her.
>Get her to like you.
>they get jealous.
Fucking hell, what went wrong? Where the fuck did we lose all the honesty along the way?
>>17354365
Oh I am.
This is the first time I've ever felt something like this for a girl so I am completely out of my element. I'm 21, she's 20.
>>17354386
Jesus. You are literally me 3 years ago. Keep getting life experience, don't waste opportunities and it will be fine.
>>17354417
Okay, will do.
Thank you, future me.
>>17351212
Never ever consider yourself as an option, anon. You are worth more than that. You really need to get over your oneitis. Always have your options open.
>>17354438
Thanks anon that means a lot
Any idea how much time I should give her.
>>17352210
Help
NEVER awkwardly blurt out that you like a girl. So beta.
