Hey, /adv/. I'm in need of some advice, so please, if you have something to share, I'd appreciate.
My father has been diagnosed with brain cancer last month. No words to describe how shitty it was to hear it from the doctor.
We don't have the best relationship ever. He has some serious alcohol and anger issues, and over the years he grew distanced from everyone, including his family.
So, even though we're in this situation, I can't reach to him. I'd like to talk to him and tell him I love him and all that jazz, but it's been a few weeks that he has been straight up ignoring me here at home. He literally doesn't respond when I say hi or shit. He only speaks to my mother and only when he has to.
The thing is, he's having surgery next tuesday and there's a great chance of him having sequels from the procedure. Due to the tumor's location, it's likely he'll have trouble with speech and language in general.
I'm scared as fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to communicate and support my father when he may lose his ability to talk and understand language?
I'd like some advice on how to deal with it.
First and foremost, you have my condolences. It's an unbearably shitty thing to go through, not just for him, but for you and any family surrounding you.
But secondly, my best advice is just love him as best you can. I come from an household where my father was abusive and incredibly angry a lot of the time. We've gotten to the point of flinging some of the most hateful words at each other I can imagine. But when he was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, I realized this was maybe the last chance I had to just let the past go and make the best of the time I had left with him.
Just love him and be there for him. It's not going to be easy. But in the end it'll leave you much happier. Nobody lives forever, and losing somebody like that on bad terms is one of the worst feelings in the world.
I can't really say much about the communication thing, but honestly, talk to people about it with experience. Talk to the doctors. And understand that throughout all of this, just being there for him is the best thing you can do. You love him, and I have no doubt he loves you. Just cherish the time you have together.
>>17349375
Thank you. For real. I'll have your words in heart.
I'm sorry that you also had to go through it. Life sucks sometimes.
Good luck for us, brother.
Ah. My grandpa had brain tumor, the only difference was we had a good relationship. I would try and find a way to show that you care about your dad without shoving it into his face or making it seem like you just suddenly started feeling this way. Maybe try to get him laugh if you're the type of person who doesn't care if things get a bit awkward, or get him to talk about things he might be interested in. If he loses a way to communicate, usually the doctor/nurses there will help you out with that. I would like to share more advice, but I don't want to look like an expert, and I don't know how bad your relationship is, so yeah. I hope things go well with your father.
>>17349378
Any time. Life can be shitty, but there's always people out there who you can talk to. Remember that. Not every human being out there is shitty, we're just all trying to find our way through this big confusing thing called life.
>>17349356
You just have to be patience, OP. I understand your frustration with feeling ignored, my Dad had 2 strokes back to back and it was awful to witness. When he started coming back around and able to communicate more effectively, he told me he just did not want me to see him like that.
Hang tough man.
