Hey /adv/, I’ve come here to maybe seek some advice on how to deal with the problems my girlfriend is having with her bestfriend, because lately they often get into a discussion or a fight which leaves my gf really unhappy and I don’t like her being that.
So first of all, the situation: I’m in the midst of my twenties and my gf at the beginning. We became a couple about 4 months ago. It’s both our first relationship and so far going really good.. everything is new, exciting, wonderful, the typical romance yadda yadda.
There’s only one small „problem“. About the time I got together with my girlfriend, her bestfriend lost her relationship (maybe that’s important? I’m not quite sure myself). Since then it’s been somewhat downhill between my girlfriend and her. Her bestfriend often claims my gf has no time for her and doesn’t consider her. Here’s the problem: They live about 7-8 hours apart so they can’t see each other face to face very often. I’m always very considerate about that and so I have no problem if my girlfriend text her bestfriend even when we’re together. They text each other kinda regurarly over the course of the day. Her best friend claims that these text lost substance.. my gf doesn’t think so and so we’re on the first point of a discussion. She tries to write her more but it kinda never worked. This was about 2-3 month in the relationship. They had a talk and everything seemed to go back to normal. They talked more again and seemes satisfied.
(1/2)
Now on this weekend my gf went to visit her for her birthday (she even crafted a handmade nice present for her). They had a great time, she only texted me some good night messages and I let them do what they want. It’s her friend, she can have as many free time with her as she wants. Everything seemed fine. Now my gf came back from her and remembered that she forgot to tell her that my gf and I booked a vacation for end of august about 5-6 days ago. Then her best friend erupted once more. She told her that my gf had to tell her beforehand if she does such things and that my gf is «totally inconsiderate» of her and apparently doesn’t want the friendship between my gf and her anymore. This naturally made my gf unhappy and even a bit angry cause she felt she did nothing wrong. My gf often made concession (texting here when we’re together or phoning, visiting her, and all this stuff without me which is totally fine for me). And now she doesn’t know what to do and I’m at a loss of advice I can give her. So far I told her that maybe It’d be good if they sat down and talked about all this instead of all these messages. Honestly what am I to do? It makes me nearly angry when my gf gets so much unfair (from my point of view) treatment. I dunno if that’s only me but I think my gfs bestfriend should be happy for her that she also found some happines in her lovelife? None of my friend bother me that much cause i saw them a little less often as of lately, everything normal, so I can’t quite grasp what is going on. Does anyone of you have any advice on how to deal with this situation? Should I do anything at all or just listen? Am I not seeing something obvious?
(2/2)
Before doing any of these, ask your gf for the O.K. to get into their business.
Option 1. Let them figure it out if you don't know her friend personally. If the problem branches out to the point where you have to fight back, try and confront her friend and talk to her? Get to know her friend and try to make yourself seem like a guy who won't hog her best friend to yourself.
Option 2. (AVOID AT ALL COST) If it comes to the point where things get toxic, tell your gf to not be friends with her. Save this for last, you don't want your gf to be unhappy.
Option 3. I GUESS you can try to sort it out, but I recommend getting on her friend's good side before starting a debate. Maybe get your gf to have her 'free time' to hang out with her best friend? I don't know. Her friend seems like the clingy type who makes false assumptions because they're paranoid about losing friends (like mee hah).
>>17349408
To Option 1: I asked her and she shared all this with me by herself and said she is happy if I have some advice. I've seen her friend a few times (3-4) and got along well with her on these occasions. I just don't have any regular contact, e.g. her phone number or whatever.
To Option 2: My gf sometimes even said that she feels under immense pressure to always have to write her and she is generally unsure of the friendship, but i wouldn't wann be the dude she loses her friends over, that would seem like just what her best friend expects.
Option 3: Well her friend lives far away and herself didn't come to visit my gf. but she can't afford to travel their every weekend. When they're together I give them space and don't expect any messages from my gf. And whenever she wants to spend time with her friend I let her, no problem for me. My gf herself just seems hesistant to even want to spend time with her because she is "toxic"
>>17349471
if she's that toxic that's a big no no then since her friend is clingy and always wants attention from my point of view the part where you said that you guys went steady four months ago and then she broke up with her boyfriend around that time seems like straight up jealousy to me and to the point where her friend is like " i don't have a boyfriend and so should you" kind of vibe if she hates you. but hey that's just me anon
