>>17344559
Friends you can't talk to aren't friends.

What's the matter?

>>17344559
What's up?

>>17344559
Aw we are here for you <3

>>17344559
I have 5 so called friends who live spitting distance from me and have not bothered to contact me once in 5 months since the bf moved out (moved for work, still a couple.) Not real friends.

Tell us whats up, spill

>>17344588
So, were your friends just trying to fuck your bf?

>>17344559
sure. ill talk. what is the matter?

>>17344567

They are friends. Just they can't understand my thoughts regarding a few issues.
Well, here it goes..

I'm 26, live a pretty dull life overall. I'm grateful I have a good paying job, and decent quality of life. But I just feel dull. let me start of by saying that I've never wanted a girlfriend. even since high school, I haven't wanted one because I saw all the drama and shit. So I never did it. Well I met this girl earlier this year, and we because friends (this was my original intent, platonic friendship). After a few months I started to develop feelings and fell HARD for her. She made me actually feel like I meant something, and I had a reason to wake up. That was the first time in 26 years I actually felt "happy". well she had to move far away, because we are on different paths. that happened a few months ago, and I still feel like shit. My friends keep suggesting I need to actually go out, meet girls and get a actual girlfriend. But I don't want to. I never want to go through this shit again, so I just want to avoid this all together. But my friends keep saying I need to go out and fuck girls and date, and that's apperently the only fix. Yet I don't want sex or to date. I just want all feelings to end.

Some of you might say I'm acting like a baby. But I really do feel terrible. I accept that we can't be together. I DO accept that. So please don't tell me to "get over it". I already know this..

>>17344594
No (lol) but we suspect we have somehow pissed them off in the past as this started before he moved.

Only contact I had was asking how i was doing and asking if I was moving in with him soon (thats the plan after my exams are over). The only reason they asked how I was, was because they were getting kicked out their flat and hoping they could have mine when I left.

Nice

>>17344559
I'm really sorry to hear that OP. The only advice I have is to try not to even think about it. I know, shitty advice, but if it works then it works. Distract yourself from thinking about her: read a good book, try a new hobby, get a pet if you don't have one already, or anything that will keep you focused on it. You mentioned you have a good job so why not a vacation? Either way I hope the best for you OP. <3

>>17344637

I do try to distract myself. But it's really hard when I'm alone by myself. which is often when I'm not working, because my friends have opposite schedules from me.

I try to workout (which makes me feel worse in a way, because it increases sex drive), I follow politics which helps, but it also makes me feel like shit seeing what is happening to our country (American).

I am going on a vacation this coming week by myself. I really hope it helps.. But it's going to be a lot of time by myself too

>>17344596
Finding the answers to how to deal with feelings like you're having now requires experiencing much pain. It's just like getting in shape it requires suffering, but the payoff is great.

Unfortunately, unlike working out, I can't guarantee you'll find the answers just by dating and experiencing more of that pain, because the path is not so linear. In my own life I've had 3 serious relationships, and they've all ended in my being betrayed; I was cheated on every time. This has not deterred me from enjoying female company but it has forced me to value it less. I am perfectly satisfied by myself, which has had the ironic effect of improving my relations with women. I don't lust the same way I used to, and the butterflies I used to get when I liked a girl and she liked me are mostly dead. I can treat a girl based on how she treats me rather than just what I want from her. In other words, like a human being.

You have to have experiences, man. Don't be afraid of more pain and failure. The more of it you survive the less it effects you. Also, read philosophy; it's easily the most important thing you can have in your life. Spinoza is good.

>>17344664

> the path is not so linear. In my own life I've had 3 serious relationships, and they've all ended in my being betrayed;

That's the exact reason why I told myself when i was a kid I never wanted a girlfriend. And I held that thought process up til where I am now at 26. When I met this girl, I really intended for just a platonic friendship. I didn't plan on getting feelings. I think now I just want to completely avoid girls. I mean, I don't even go out and have sex. I haven't had sex in 2 years. But now, I completely want to avoid everything because this feeling is so shitty..

>you have to have more experienced, man
I don't want more experiences :(

>>17344596
> Yet I don't want sex or to date. I just want all feelings to end.
Saying that is like having a toothache and not going to the dentist because "you just want the pain to stop".
Your friends are right. Partially, at least. You have to change something in your life again and since it involves love, the best thing to do is to search for it. If you don't want to go out with your friends then you can try to find a replacement for that girl, think where did you meet her or what were her interests and work with it, find someone similar.
I know that you feel like shit and it's probably not gonna change, that's the worst part of it, and that's why you've got to toughen up and discipline yourself. It's great that you've got friends that actually want to help you, let them do so.
If you accept that you can't be together then you should move on with your life. If you can't, then seems like you didn't accept that yet.

>>17344715

But I really don't want to have sex with anyone.. I don't like random sex. I've only done that 3 times in my life, and I regret all of them. So sex isn't the answer. and i don't want to date, I don't want a girlfriend. I just wish I never experienced these feelings. I'm mad at myself because of it. It's my fault

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>>17344559
It's ok anon. I'm feeling pretty down too.

>>17344729
It's not about sex only, it's about having someone closer to you than a friend. Just hang out with your friends, there's a bigger chance you find someone interesting if you stop avoiding relationships.

>>17344677
>i don't want more experiences
Haha, sorry, man. Dating is the same as anything else you want to get good at: it takes practice, and practice means failure.

Think about it like so: nothing much matters, life is a game, so you might as well play. Don't avoid trying things you're interested just because you might fail.

Or this: would you rather certainly never succeed in achieving a loving relationship with a woman and remain depressed about it, or would you like to at least learn not to care so much (spend enough time with women and you'll lose enthusiasm)?

>>17344774

but I'm not looking for anything either..

>>17344811

it just doesn't seem fair that everyone says I have to have a loving relationship to not be miserable, but I don't want a relationship because I never want to get married

>>17344823
Then just be present in the moment with friends. You are just self aware primate on a rock orbiting a star that's orbiting the center of a galaxy. You will look back when you're older and regret moping around. It's okay to feel sad sometimes. Just know it's temporary in the same way happiness is Life isn't fair and that's a good thing. Imagine if every bad thing thats ever happened to you was because you deserved it. See my point?

>>17344823
I don't believe that you don't want anything from women (sex, love, whatever), because if that's the case then where the fuck are your feelings coming from? What's the issue if you don't want women?

>>17344823
Not explicitly, but from what you said I can assume that after losing a loved person you started feeling like shit and couldn't have moved on for a few months.
You need to find something else that you'd care about enough to give you happiness. Having a loved person worked out for you, so the easiest way would be to find another one.
Unless there's something else that could make you care about it enough to make you feel happy.

>>17344841

>be present tense

I'll try..

>>17344842

My subconscious as being a male. biology or whatever.

>>17344851

that's what everyone says.. I just wish I never developed these feelings in the first place. It was easier before I experienced feelings because I didn't know what it was like. But now, it's confusing. I try to convince myself to not care about girls because what's the point, I don't want to get married so why waste my time. But because I'm human, it sucks..

>>17344851 - me
>>17344874
Haha, isn't that actually great? Experiencing love is a good thing to happen in one's life, at least you've got more goals to chase in life, chasing goals can give you happiness.
I think you're looking at your problem from wrong angle. You don't meet people to get married, you meet them to make your life more interesting. Think more of it as a search for people that would share the same feelings.
If you're trying to convince yourself then you're not so sure about your principles or morals or whatever you feel about it. You don't need to think about it. Think about finding another person like the girl you lost, not about someone to marry.

>>17344939

It's just so confusing.. I don't want a girlfriend :(

>>17344939

>you don't need to think about it

But I do, because if I want to go out to meet people, I'd have to go out of my way to try to do that.

>>17344962
Man, I can't help you with your confusion and I don't know whether you just feel powerless, lazy or afraid, or you just keep thinking of some concepts that you decided to remove completely from your mind and avoid in real life when you were in elementary school (which is an awful idea btw, I did a similar thing twice, first one led to the second and the second brought me to the current time, and I'm not particularly in the best shape, mentally. But this is 4chan, so it figures) and they aren't as scary as you make them, or you don't even really need them.
Just find a person like the girl you met before. She wasn't your girlfriend, she was your friend and you started having feelings for her, that was when you became happy. Keep it simple, you just need to find yourself back at the same point, just with another person.

>>17344971
I mean you don't have to think about marrying or going out or whatever """serious""" relationship comes to your mind.
Yeah, you'd have to do that, but think of meeting a new, fun person, not a marriage candidate.

>>17344986

Well, thanks for the responses anon

>>17345005
Sure man, hope you find what you're looking for.