It's kind of tough if you also want to be her boyfriend and have sex with her.

>>17342961

I love a good challenge however. You say it's "tough" but not "impossible" ergo an unlikely possibility.

I aim to maximize the chance of ending up as both her boyfriend and a guidance figure to her.

>>17342970
Usually you have to see the other person as a person not some self-confidence boost tool.

She has to help herself first.

>>17342991

That's vague and cryptic. In a way every relationship is a "self-confidence boost tool".

You're essentially experiencing a high state of selfishness for another human being, due to them making you 'feel good about yourself'. That means they fuel your confidence.

>>17343003
She wants to. I think she sees what I can and want to be to her. There just has to be something more there to bridge the gap.

>>17343010
That was very direct and clear.
You want to be in a relationship because it makes you happy.
For a highly intelligent monk of uniquiness it sounds odd that you didn't know it.

>>17342953
A healthy relationship doesn't have one part taking care of the other.
It is built on mutual feelings - both you and her should be able to take care of each other and of themselves.
She obviously cannot take care of herself or take care of you.

Choose a role and stick to it. You're either her boyfriend or her guidance, you cannot be both.

>>17343042
lol

>>17343056

>you cannot be both.

Is the dichotomy that strong? If she sees me as guidance does the image of boyfriend dissipate more and more? There can't be a balance? I know relationships where the girls look up to the guys and that to me says there is some guidance on his part.

>>17343042
I don't think you've been in a relationship before.

Never rescue a damsel in distress. It's only a matter of time before she needs to be rescued from you.

This is coming from someone who's dated a handful of charity cases. They're involved with drinking & drugs because they simply want to be part of that subculture, not because they're trapped in it. You can put her in a quiet little neighborhood with white picket fences, and you'll still wake up alone the next morning with your wallet missing.

>>17342970

A good lover lets you cut loose, be yourself, have fun without fear of judgment. A good father figure discourages and punishes your bad habits, judges your good qualities & bad qualities, and pushes you to do more of the "good." For most people, these two goals are quite incompatible.

There'll also be a tendency for her, and others, to doubt your intentions when you're "getting something out of it" for yourself. It's not selfless, at that point. Are you trying to help her be a better version of herself, or brainwash her into becoming YOUR ideal partner? Are you a positive influence, or just a controlling boyfriend? The line gets blurry

It's like being a cuckold in denial

I dated a crazy girl once. She ended up in porn and tried to kill herself twice for attention. She now lives back at her parents I think.

>>17343099
>>17343122

Welp, I guess the whole "don't stick your dick in crazy" thing is pretty sound advice.

I'm just gonna go with the flow and see how it works out despite our differing lifestyles.

>>17343134
Sounds like you currently don't really have other options and are trying to convince yourself it will be OK. As the other anon said, she doesn't want to be rescued. She just wants to be a whore with no self control and putting her in your kitchen won't change that.

I ended up moving to a different country for unrelated reasons, but my ex going into porn ended up following me around for a long time. Everyone knew me as the guy who was dumb enough to actually date this slut. Don't be me OP.

>>17343092
The dichotomy is pretty strong to be fair.

I think I have a fairly healthy relationship with my boyfriend. I look up to him when it comes to emotional matters. I have always been pretty cold and "stoic", and he is pretty much teaching me how to get in touch with my feelings and not be afraid of vulnerability and emotions. On the other hand, I am also helping him when it comes to more everyday, rational things - teaching him how to have a healthy lifestyle, how to organize his days, how to deal with stress. Our relationship is mutual and we help each other improve. He brings out the best in me, and viceversa.

In my old relationship, I definitely "rescued" him. He was doing drugs, bad family, dropped out of college. Now he's clean, has a degree, and he's fairly happy.
While on one hand I totally loved being a positive influence in his life and it pleased my saviour complex and my control freak attitude, it was draining. I wasn't allowed to show him any sort of vulnerability, because my "role" didn't allow me to. Whenever I was feeling low, our relationship worsened drastically. I wasn't having a partner, I was having a child.
At the end even when he was doing better we still got used to the roles we had - I was his saviour, not his partner. We didn't treat each other as equals.
I love this guy with all my heart and care about him infinitely, but he will never be my boyfriend. Our relationship was overall pleasant (intellectually stimulating, sex was amazing, had a lot of fun), but deeply unhealthy emotionally and definitely not something that would work in the long run.