What can a man do when his feelings and his rationality are conflicting?
I dated this girl for 4 years, had an awesome relationship, plans for the future. Sure a few speedbumps along the way, but always got everything sorted out. If she couldn't take the extra step to mend things, I'd always.
She broke up with me on March over trivial stuff. There was no "mourning", she proceeded to get involved with an old gaming friend of mine, went all the way with him and that caused an absolute shitstorm. After many heated discussions we ended up hanging out again over weekends, just generally having a good time like we used to. We casually had sex on a basis and were pretty much like fuck buddies, got really confusing.
She said I got her heart again and asked me back, but I refused on a number of reasons.
Problem is, to this day I'm not confident in the slightest about it being the right decision. In my heart I goddamn love her despite everything, and in my head I've concluded I'm better off starting over, even if today I miss the built up complicity and companionship like the seventh living hell.
>tl;dr wanting to be with someone who I will always unequivocally have resentful feelings towards
Bump. No one?
>>17342948
She's a cunt and you should drop her out of your life. But you already know this.
>>17342958
Yes, I do. And that's central to my issue: I know this thing is fated to fail, but even you also know it's never simple to let go.
It's basically frustration fueled by wanting to make it work vs. knowing it won't
You're never going to know for sure what the "right" decision is except in hindsight. If you love her then try to make it work.
You have to try to understand why she broke up with you initially and what is different that made her want to be with you again.
>>17342964
I want a 9" dick and a million dollars but that ain't gonna happen and I'm not too frustrated.
If you can't help wanting her and being her friend simultaneously, then just burn the bridge entirely and tell her, in no uncertain terms, how you want nothing to do with her anymore. Don't make it about how she hurt you, don't make it a petty fight, or make it seem as if there's some hope feelings will change. Just say I don't want to hang out with you anymore, and then don't.
>>17342973
That's also the thing: nothing really changed. I've always treated her affectionately and respectfully. After we had our run-ins post breakup, she kept saying I "seduced" her, that I made her love me again, that I showed her the best part of being in a relationship, etc
Except nothing really changed. Nothing but the light she chooses to see me under according to her mood.
>>17342976
Having goals is different than having dilemmas. If you're a hard worker and get fired under the premise of "being lazy", you're gonna get frustrated AND unable to do anything about it. It's just a general dissatisfaction.
We've sowed so much over the years and in the end I got a gut punch. I either mend things with her putting my own emotional stability at risk, or I move forward and gotta start things from scratch. Both are crappy courses and that's pretty much the mix of frustration and anger.
@burning the bridge, I'm not sure I want her out of my life entirely, even if we hold no further commitments. Realizing this could be a mistake scares the shit out of me.
>>17342973
I used to think that "if there's love there's a way" unconditionally. These past episodes drastically changed that view.
Just imagine the person you love most in this world did the shittiest thing. I dunno, cheated on you, offended your family, killed your dog, whatever sinks your boat. How can the good perception overcome the bad and vice versa?
I just don't think it works like that anymore. There's no "I love her, so it's all good" or "I hate her, so it's all bad". It's a mix between.
>>17342884
OP you absolutely did the right thing ending it for good. No one breaks up after 4 years over trivial things and jumps in bed with a guy right away.
She wanted to fuck this guy and fabricated a reason to break up, she fucked him, had second thoughts after she got what she wanted and wanted to resume the relationship as if nothing had happened and have you be responsible so she doesn't feel bad.
>>17343146
That's a valid way to look at it. Honestly this is also in my head, specially because before we broke up, we had a fight and spent a week without much talking. During this week, she sent him some non-nude yet still inappropriate photos. Guy knew she was going to break up with me before I did, can't you beat that.
She also told me before she found him charming, even though he was a kissless virgin before she came around. I never saw any issue with this because we always discussed other people.
>>17343206
been there already and you are right this guy knew you were history before you did. Disrespectful really.. The fight is staged because she already has her eye on the guy and it's difficult to feel no remorse if things are ok with her partner. The photos were the come and get it I'm free.
Look she wanted him and willing to ditch you and a 4 year relationship pretty quickly. You owe her nothing
>>17343387
I really don't get it. We were pretty open sexually. We were interested in FMF and MFM threeways since the birth of the relationship. We did stuff with friends before, just never had actual sex with others.
I mean, if she just was only interested in fucking him, she could do as little as just ask if it was ok, if we should summon him to the bedroom etc. But no, she had to break up over meaningless stuff, fuck the moron and give me the "he paid attention to me when you weren't there" crap.
Bumping if anyone out there has some insights to share
