I'm a 21 year old male. I live with my dad, I go to school and have a shitty job. I'm a needy cunt. I haven't had any experience with girls up until seven months ago when I got my first girlfriend. I am a great friend and great overall person in many aspects, but I'm an awful boyfriend. I'm essentially a fucking girl.
When I met her, we got along great. Like more than I ever have with a girl before. We met online. When we met in person, I was kind of turned off. She looked like her pictures but her face was lot bigger than it seemed. So naturally, I was nice but I didn't care much for her. This resulted in her being all over me. We still got along amazingly but I just didn't care much for what happened. Slowly, I fell in love with her. Due to my inexperience and neediness, I slowly started turning her off until we broke up.
I'm 99% certain it's due to the aforementioned reasons for many different reasons. I don't know why I'm needy but I am and it turns her and others off. She has problems too so she can't deal with my shit and it results in her treating me strangely. I feel like her head is in a jumble when it comes to me and what she thinks/acts. I won't go into detail unless asked
Anyways, after breaking up, I noticed that she slowly warms up to me and strays away depending on how I act with her. Every time without fail, when I'd be normal, not needy and whatnot, like I was when we met, she'd be at my feet. As my feelings would grow stronger and I'd go back to my normal self, she'd lose interest again.
My question for advice is how the fuck do I not be such a needy little bitch? An actual fix, not just an act. I don't know what it was. My dad being harsh and distant my whole life. My moms death at sixteen. Me never having friends as I grew up. Always being alienated and insecure when growing up due to being a minority. Whatever it is, It's made me into a bitch and I need to stop it.
Any input from anyone about anything I said?
>>17342033
In regards to how I'd be needy, I'm not sure how to explain in actions or examples, but I would be way more invested in her than she would be me. When She'd go a mile for me, I'd go ten. I'd always be all over her. Showing more affection than she'd show me. Always want to talk and show her love, even when there was nothing to say. Always want to see her, take our relationship a step further. Want her affection. Stuff like that I guess.
you're literally me OP
god
>>17342040
>I'm not sure how to explain in actions or examples
Has she told you outright when you're being too needy and why? Think of those times. If you can't, and she's the only person you've been with, all I can say is that she may be the one with issues. There are many girls out there that absolutely love being pampered and even come to expect it. But there are some people out there that prefer the mind games of the "push and pull" which isn't healthy for a long-term relationship. You're expected to pull just long enough to help her out in some way, but you immediately have to turn your emotions off and push her away to keep her drawn in. I don't think she genuinely cared about you.
Now, if you act out because you have unrealistic expectations about how she should treat you in certain situations, that's something that you could definitely improve upon.
>>17342062
>Has she told you outright when you're being too needy and why?
I've essentially had to figure out everything myself. She's not old, mature or wise enough to know anything about herself, me or what she wants. I've had to read her intentions and try to decipher vague vague statements. It's not her fault, I don't blame her but she's honestly just too young. She way it comes it comes out from her "I need my space." Or after we broke up "You're too annoying." Or just her being confused about her feelings and everything. I honestly feel so bad because' I've swayed her attitude and feelings and such. I feel like I'm mostly responsible for how she is in an indirect way. I've watched her grow too. When I first met her, it was confusion. Now, the latest statement she made was "Why can't we just do everything like see each other and do whatever but without feelings?" It's pretty clear that she's a bit confused about what she wants and doesn't realize it's me being needy as fuck but instead thinks "This is how relationships are and I don't want one but I want him around so I'll say this as the solution".
>mind games of the "push and pull"
I've considered and thought about this for a long time. It's not true for her case at all. I'm certain of this.
>all I can say is that she may be the one with issues
She has issues, and this MAY be one of them. I think back to when we first started dating. To be honest, evaluating everything, I don't think it is. I've noticed that I get all the love I need from her as long as I'm not investing more than her/being the girl in the relationship.
>I don't think she genuinely cared about you.
I considered this too for a long time. I also don't think this is possible.
I have thought about a lot of things, and it all makes sense. I feel like I have it mostly figured out, but one thing that reinforces my thoughts that I didn't consider before is that she's very naive and inexperienced too. She's not capable of that kind of stuff
>>17342062
I could seriously go into so many examples that are contrary to the issue you mentioned, but like I said, I'm quite certain I've got most of this figured out and the problem causing friction between us being able to to be together is me and my neediness. I'm not here asking for advice about her and the situation, I'm just asking about myself. I just want advice on the premise assuming that everything I said is as it is and true. She does have problems, yes, but this issue about me is the first thing I need to fix before I re-evaluate everything and deal with other things/make decisions about our future.
I have no idea how to be a guy. I won't be able to move on to other girls and relationships if I don't fix myself and learn from her. I'm pretty sure I would do well with other kinds of girls, but with her kind, I can't and I want her.
>>17342045
Feels bad don't it?
