What am I doing wrong here?
>start new medical residency a few of months ago
>attracted to one of my new resident-mates
>she's very talkative with me, we seem to enjoy each other's company quite a bit
>have a lot in common, not just career wise
>fast forward a month or so, ask her out, she agrees, good times were had
>go out a couple more times, tell each other we really like each other, but she is concerned with dating a coworker
>my response something along the lines of "it's not like we are breaking any rules or anything, I really like you, you like me, I think it's worth a chance." Tells me she needs some time to make her decision
>couple of days later "I don't think I'm ready to have a serious relationship with someone I work with".
>sadfrog.gif
>I figure something else may have happened, but don't probe. I can respect her decision.
>time to move on, talk to her less as a result, which I feel is completely normal and appropriate
> few weeks later she asks me "are we okay? You've seemed really distant the last two weeks. I miss our chats".
>me: "why wouldn't we be okay and what are you talking about? I see you and talk to you almost every single day at work haha!"
>walk away and get back to the stack of notes I have to type up
Why does this always inevitably happen? Where after a relationship in the making fails for whatever reason and I cut back on the amount of interaction I have with the girl and then they complain that things are not the same as they were before.
This is a completely appropriate and reasonable response on my part. It can honestly be that they just miss the attention. So why does this happen?
>>17339295
From expierence op I understand. This happened to me twice. Once with a girl. I talked to her everyday and asked her out. She said no but made no attempt to ever start the conversations so I just didn't bother either. She soon got boyfriend then who was one of me friends. She got mad at the fact I didn't talk to her. It pissed me off that she had gone out with my friend instead. But I didn't see the point in talking to her. Most of my friends I don't shower in memes and love. Il talk to them if I need to talk to them. Then the second girl was a right slag. I asked her out and waited two weeks for a response. All the while she wanted me to buy her cigarettes and alchohol which I didn't. She eventually said no as she was friends with benefiting someone else the entire time. I didn't bother with her anymore.
Regardless op if girls expect you too shower them with attention when they do something shitty in response fuck off. That's not how it works. I can accept a rejection and still talk to the person. That's fine. But don't expect me to happy as fuck after a rejection.
>>17339295
>>she's very talkative with me, we seem to enjoy each other's company quite a bit
definitely finds you physically attractive to some degree. a bit of eye candy.
>>go out a couple more times, tell each other we really like each other, but she is concerned with dating a coworker
weighing out the investment. seeing where this lifestyle is taking her. letting you know on some level where she is at with this Guy Friend of hers. the reality is she has been keeping her true perspective/feelings internal while you have revealed yours. this is your power level.
>>my response something along the lines of "it's not like we are breaking any rules or anything, I really like you, you like me, I think it's worth a chance." Tells me she needs some time to make her decision
ya blew it i don't need to read any more. you should have not cared about shit from the jump. that's how you invest smart time in her so she wants you long tern - while you still want her, but you can stay mentally prepared for defeats in life, so you can then tackle situations with that mentality and end up coming out on top like an underdog. you fear something and need to talk so much. withdraw.
>>couple of days later "I don't think I'm ready to have a serious relationship with someone I work with".
>>sadfrog.gif
flowing it may have been better than controlling it with conversation. all her co-worker friends know her side too so you lose on multiple levels by default.
>> few weeks later she asks me "are we okay? You've seemed really distant the last two weeks. I miss our chats".
>>me: "why wouldn't we be okay and what are you talking about? I see you and talk to you almost every single day at work haha!"
not good bro. she is interpreting it as you are trying to make a statement more than play it off.
>This is a completely appropriate and reasonable response on my part. It can honestly be that they just miss the attention. So why does this happen?
because they miss the attention.
>>17339684
hey anon at least this all happened with teen girls. adult girls are worse but pretty much the same.
>>17339709
Do you have much expierence yourself?
I kind of see her point being a medical resident and all if things do get shitty between you two which a lot of the time happens between people who are dating it could become really awkward at work.
However the next part about you talking to her less is completely fine, girls expect to you to shower them with the same amount of attention as if you were still dating it's annoying as shit but that's how their brains are wired.
Just give her the usual attention you would to a girl you have no interest in.
>>17339709
i wouldn't say any more than anyone else. but i can relate to how teenage girls kind of "act out" if i may use that. they use assumptions because unresolved anxiety is hitting them again. they don't know how to systematically manage it in their brains and so they gather all of these what ifs, i should have saids, oh he did not do thats, who does he think he is's, etc. they use this faith-based mentality and then flip it on guys so that they seem like the bad ones. and then they flock along and the whole world knows. all while you are living the true reality of what is going on in terms of that entity - the relationship between two such peoples and the situation pertaining to it.
adult women are the same, just older and different.
>>17339706
Not OP but i'm in a similar problem, given the starting point (she likes him) and given how OP has fucked up, is it possible to start again?
