>tried to take another shot at school
>couldn't go first week because i was sick so i did all my work at home
>show up to class
>have an autistic meltdown there AGAIN for the 2nd time
there's no hope is there? im never going to get better.
are there any fellow ASD anons that went through the same shit and overcame it?
im seriously considering laying my neck across the railway tracks. i dont want to live on disability for the rest of my life. i feel sick. it never ends.
>>17336989
>have an autistic meltdown there AGAIN for the 2nd time
Elaborate, what exactly happened?
>>17336994
>Elaborate, what exactly happened?
I pissed my pants and started REEEEEEEing.
>>17336994
>>17336994
>>17336994
>am moderately autistic, yet considered "high functioning"
>have arrangement with the teachers where i can work in a quiet room and follow a routine
>if i break the routine i dont feel real and almost like im tripping on LSD
>get to class
>totally different teacher
>im ok with this
>she leads me to other room
>whatsgoingon.png
>new room
>wtf
>just tells me to go sit by a computer and doesn't give me any further instructions
>ok...
>try to do some of the work i didn't complete
>cant focus at all, something feels wrong
>florecent lights driving me mad
>blinding me
>can hear them
>some normie has his radio blasting loud music
>try to ignore it
>its just getting louder and deeper in my ears
>literally blocking ears with my fingers at this point
>*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* *HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*
>im losing it
>shaking and sweating
>know whats coming because it happened last time
>pack all my shit away and run out of the class room
>teachers didnt see me so no one tried to stop me
>suddenly im outside
>loud and moving busy CBD
>trying to find my way back to car
>some junky starts saying shit to me but it just sounds like a garbled mess
>he puts his hands up and backs away
>find car
>junky waiting outside
>garbles more gibberish
>get into car and do my stimming to calm myself
>car feels like its wobbling because car parking lot
>making me more sick
>fight back the tears
>fall into depressive state again (had been going good for months)
>want to cry but i hold it back
>feel paranoid the whole time something is coming to get me so i start banging metal pole on the bar of my seat
thats it. i freaked the fuck out again. im never going to be able to function in normal society. im going to be trapped in this room until im dead. my whole life has been wasted already.
links for anyone who doesn't like my description of melt down
this is literally what it was like today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2P4Ed6G3gw
>>17337024
>>17337024
>>17337024
what its like almost 24/7 plus constant static in my vision that never goes away and tinnitus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plPNhooUUuc
how do i get better, adv?
i just want to live.
>>17336989
There are schools and colleges that offer online classes you can take at home.
>>17337033
>>17337033
i can do all my work at home anyway (they said i can) but i still need to go in at least once a week for a few hours. plus how am i ever going to get a job if sitting in a classroom for 5mins is too much?
i just want to live people, but my own fucked brain wont let me. plus ive had a fucked up childhood and upbringing that keeps haunting me. no one cares about the autist because we're seen as incomplete people. well i am a person, you fuck wits.
>>17337039
even when i go for a simple trip to the shops for groceries with my uncle people have to fucking stare. WHY!!???
>>17337051
>mfw a normalshit cant make his own thread so he invades yours
>m-m-muh starving african children
fuck off.
>>17337036
Take one step at a time. Get your education and then look for work (there are a lot of options) you can do at home in your own space.
I have an autistic son.
I also have autistic traits but not enough to be autistic.
I feel for you OP.
A lot of autistics who didn't get early intervention get depression as teenagers/adults so please don't blame yourself for this.
There are a lot of jobs where they can make allowances for your specific needs. What sort of job do you want? What are your strengths?
Panic attacks are treatable. There are medications and therapies will help.
My son is autistic and this thread has literally broken me.
I wish I had the answers, but as a mom I am pissed that places and teachers are not equipped to help people with sensory issues.
There is always hope. Never give up.
Is online education an option for you?
>>17337036
There's vocational rehabilitation. They've helped my family a lot.
>>17337044
Do you stim a lot? We get more stares when my son needs to stim.
>>17336989
Stop being so autistic
