Intimacy issues
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I think my parents fucked me up. I'm hesitant to call it abuse because I've never really been hit and I always had my needs taken care of, but at the same time, I'm aware that my perspective might be a bit skewed. What I definitely do know, however, is that it wasn't a healthy environment.
My only memories of my father are him screaming at me for the tiniest offenses. Like when I wouldn't eat mushrooms (I've always hated them) and he'd yell at me at full volume for about twenty minutes while I'd cry and try to eat it and suppress my gag reflex because I really really couldn't stand them. Or when I accidentally dropped my fork, stuff like that. He didn't have anything else to scream at me for because I was a star pupil, always straight A's even though nobody ever really helped me with studying and I was absurdly obedient. The kind of a kid that would sit at home and read a book while everyone else was having fun outside. I also remember him always preferring my sister, even saying terrible things about me to her when I wasn't present (I heard because of an open window in my room.) It's crazy I still remember it, I was maybe seven or eight.
My mother was different, but ultimately not much better. (Part 1)
>>17334422
She'd never hug me, she'd always make fun of me from the earliest age and I've never had any support from her. I was top of the class - I still am, even now at my university - and that still wouldn't be enough for her, she'd say that it wasn't because I was smart, but because everyone else in my class was stupid. As I got older and started standing up for myself (I wasn't the type to cry, I only got more defiant and belligerent each time), she'd call me arrogant and full of myself. Once they divorced, it was even worse with her. I chose to live with my father because it was simply easier (as I got more rebellious, he started avoiding me instead of arguing with me while my mother would engage in long-drawn out debates). She would start guilt tripping me about not spending more time with her and she'd make everything about herself. One very telling example:
>have an exam
>I'm supposed to meet her after the exam
>after the exam, I suddenly start feeling horrible, my head keeps spinning, I feel like throwing up
>dial my mom's phone
>"Hi mom, I won't be able to come today, I feel like shit, I think I'm going to throw up."
>stand up abruptly and my vision goes dark while I'm still on the phone, I faint and fall down in such a nasty way that I break my nose, blood is everywhere, my classmates are horrified and they're calling an ambulance
>once I get a hold of myself, I quickly assemble my phone (it fell apart), dial my mom again and tell her what happened in a really shaky voice, I'm sobbing a little
>"Nice excuse not to visit your own mother."
>hangs up on me while I'm being transported to hospital
I've recently done some soul-searching and realized that, probably because of this, I don't believe anyone could ever love me. Rationally, I know it's a nonsense, but I just can't convince myself otherwise because my self-esteem is so low. I'm 22 and a virgin. (Part 2)
>>17334425
Guys approach me relatively often because I hold together well on the surface and I seem really confident/outgoing (I don't show a sign of weakness, ever), but I always chase them away because I'm just too much of a coward for this.
I know I'm rambling, but this is the first time I've ever put this into words. Does anyone have a similar experience? How do I begin to love myself?
Pic unrelated.
>>17334422
stop blaming your parents. we are virtually the same, right down to the mushroom issue. my dad never yelled at me for not eating mushrooms, but hed yell at me for not eating lasagna. id literally throw it up after trying to swallow some and he would tell me im being a drama queen, a sissy, an attention whore, etc.
everyone has parent issues. stop saying THEY fucked you up.
>>17334422
Don't listen to the guy who said it's not your parents fault. It's definitely your parents fault. Visit a shrink, I promise it's not that bad. It will help you develop your self steem and find a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're young, got plenty of time to devote to that. But do something about it, don't avoid the issue. Good luck.
>>17334494
Thank you, I will probably do that, however I currently can't because I'm from one of those backward countries where this is stigmatized as hell. It would be on all my records and that would cause me a lot of grief. I will do it once I leave this hellhole.
>>17334448
How about don't generalize your experience to everyone around you? Just because your parents are/were emotionally abusive and you believe you came out the other side well adjusted doesn't mean other people suffering the same (or worse) treatment won't be a little maladjusted. So what, it's OP's fault that his parents treated him like that?
>inb4 it's nobody's fault
OP, I sympathize, that's a shitty way to have to grow up. Your best bet is to avoid your parents when they treat you like that. If they try to make a deal out of it, just explain that you can't be around them if they're going to treat you like trash. This gives you space to work on yourself and maybe your parents will wise up and stop being such cock knockers if you ignore them for a few months.
Other than that, try to spend more time with friends. Maybe you don't think your friends love you, but spending time with people who value you as a person goes a long way to improving your self-esteem as opposed to constant emotional abuse.
>>17334521
While you're at it, try to develop your interest, that will make people interested in you. Start playing a sport, or a musical instrument, read books or comics, it doesn't really matter as long as it keeps you busy.
