Well, here it goes. I'm finally going to be honest even if I come off as an asshole.
Since 15, I wanted to be a "player/manwhore" type. I was inept with girls in high school. Lost my virginity at 21. Second girl I had sex with is my current girlfriend of 4 years. I was her second sex partner as well. She lost her virginity at 16 to a guy who is the type of guy I wanted to be. I learned all the mistakes I made from asking questions about their relationship. In one year, at 23/24 I've had sex with 5 other girls on the side. She knows I've cheated, we've worked through it.
I'll be 26 this august. been faithful the past year, mostly because neither of us are working currently so I can't get away to see other people. Her and I live together. Since I've gotten a taste of the life i've wanted to live for ten years, I can't handle it. I'm so anxious staying faithful with her. It eats me up when a girl who lives a few blocks away from me is willing to give me a blowjob in my car at 1 am, if I can only find a way to get out of the house when we're settling in for bed.
Other problems are that I have VERY bad generalized anxiety and what I consider derealization. She has been kind of a care taker for me. Nowadays I don't communicate my anxiety with her anymore. I take care of myself. But at night when my thoughts are keeping me up, it is nice to just know someone familiar is in the bed next to me, even if we don't speak about it. I'm scared on my own my anxiety will worsen to a point where I'm not functional in society again.
Another problem is that I can see myself marrying her, settling down, having children, going camping, taking my kids fishing. She gets me because back when we started talking I was real with myself.
>>17334265
Now I just small talk my way into girls pants, I am whatever they want me to be, so I don't reveal myself to anyone anymore. Do I really want to throw this away so I can small talk 100 girls, so 20 might be interested in me, and 5 might be willing to sleep with me? I'm almost 30. I'm too old to reclaim my high school days. But I just genuinely like fucking, sexting, and slutting around.
I hate the thought that if I leave her, I will be an old man being a whore and won't have any real connection with anyone, and if I do stay with her I will be giving up the exciting sexual life that I genuinely want. I want my cake and to eat it too. I've asked for an open relationship and she says she can't trust me. She doesn't want me to leave her for someone else and she can't marry or be with someone who can just give it up to anyone.
Leave her, she deserves much better than you.
>>17334285
I realize this too. I truly do love her and I want her to be happy. I just hold her back. I want her to have a family and have the solid loving family unit she has always desired. I just want to see her happy.
I probably can't offer that to her on the time frame she wants it.
I just don't know how to deal with my anxieties of being alone. I can't see myself going from sleeping next to her every night for the past 3 years, to occasionally having a stranger sleep in my bed, and sleeping alone most nights.
>>17334295
You being alone isn't her problem. Stop making it her problem. Break up with her. You made your shitty bed and now you can sleep in it. Break up with her and you can bang all the girls you want, you'll have achieved your dream.
>>17334333
Did I ever once say it was her problem?
This thread is about the issue I'm facing and what I should do and how to deal with it
>>17334376
>being this self-centered, holy shit
Fuck off to somewhere where your self-righteous actions don't harm others. Especially those who care about you and Even love you.
>>17334423
Buddy, you just said it want her problem. You're the one being self righteous.
If I leave her I hurt her, if I stay I hurt her. If I leave I hurt myself. If I stay I hurt myself.
What do I do so all parties are happy?
>>17334500
The guy answering you beforehand wasnt me.
Leaving a Person or making them leave because they were hurt is entirely different. My Suggestion to you is to find out for yourself, wether a loving, stable relationship, or sleeping around is more Important to you. Decide afterwards and deal with the consequences. Be a man about it.
Cheating is an awful middleground, since you are hurtig another person and, sooner or later, guilt might catch up to you.
>>17334500
You can't make her happy if she only wants to be with you and live her life with someone who she loves, you. Think about all the sacrifices she had made, she is a genuine woman who forgot everything you have done wrong and wants to open a new page. Is it really that hard to control your dick and devote your life to someone who did the same to you? Have some heart anon, sex is not the everything about life and you have a great opportunity ahead of you to live your life to the fullest. Not many people get this opportunity and look at what you are doing.
>>17334500
You leave because leaving is short term pain and ends the ongoing struggle.
You cant make everyone happy.
>>17334523
Also:
If you have to cheat, do so.
But don't expect People to back you up
>>17334537
>have to cheat
No one has to cheat. If he wants to be trash he can be but everyone has the right to judge him for it.
>>17334265
this b8 is of exceptionally poor quality
>>17334564
>No one has to cheat
People lacking self-Control beg to differ.
>>17334587
They still don't have to. Failing to contain a desire doesn't mean necessity.
Nobody has to cheat. I realize what I do is morally questionable. Everyone has their vices. Everyone has problems and has their own way of dealing with those problems. I in no way condone what I have done and the mental gymnastics I use to justify it are just avoiding the real situation.
Cheaters have issues. It doesn't make what they do right.
I just feel like the short, quick gratification is satisfying, but in the long term I don't want to be like some of these guys I see on tumblr that are in their 30s and still trying to hit on teen girls.
But at the same time age is irrelevant. I just wish I got the fucking out of my system at an age appropriate time.
And do I really want my life to revolve around chasing after several girls? I do like the drama and get a thrill from it. It does make me feel young again.
I want a son. I want a son to give the experience I never had of having a father, but I don't want marriage. In all honesty I'd be happy with getting her pregnant then divorcing, and having joint custody. But then again that will put me in the parent position and not the young, free, quasi teenager position. But if I have a child now, give it like 14 years that's a long time for me to grow up so I can fuck around and then be a real dad when I'm 40 with a wife and step child and settle down with my new wife.
>>17334672
Coherency is not your strongest quality; you type like you drank too many redbulls.
>>17334681
Bud, I'm in my mid twenties and already having a mid life crisis.
Obviously I'm not the most mentally sound individual.
Just you know: mans sperm quality goes down and down older you get.
also stop being an coward and talk to her. Tell her the whole fucking truth and if you two cant work it out, just break up. Staying in a healthy relationship is a life long commitment, you sir obviously don't want to commit your 100%.
>>17334722
>Just you know: mans sperm quality goes down and down older you get.
Citation needed
The pain she would experience of you leaving her is manitudes less than the pain of her having to deal with your bullshit. If you care about her happiness at all then you'll leave. You can't provide the monogamous love she desires. You are a bad match. If you want a son and family then prioritize it over your dick. You can't have everything.
You're quite self-centered in your endeavours and it would be good you to break her heart and suffer some yourself. Your girlfriend sounds like a great woman of whom you are greatly undeserving. Stop dragging her down.
