Let's have a thread on breaking down the topic of nice guys.
The word "nice" seems to have become one of the most villianized terms in the English language, and is a kiss of death no matter what when it's applied to a guy. Not just for women but men as well. it usually goes like this-
>Girl - He seems like a nice guy but I would never go out with him.
or
>Guy - He seems like a nice guy but I would never chill with him outside of class or work.
Nice in people's minds implies that there is no challenge or that there's nothing interesting about you. Worse case people think you are awkward or a creeper. I'm not saying you should be mean or a jerk, but people should figure out the difference between being a dick and being confident and maybe a little aggressive. Save your "niceness" for your grandparents or work at an old people home, they'll eat that shit up.
Any thoughts?
Yes. Stop letting /r9k/ poison your mind. Being nice is a good trait. Being nice and confident makes a guy attractive. Women don't like assholes. People who claim to be nice usually aren't.
>>17333904
Nice is great as long as it is not the only thing you have going for you.
You can be nice AND smart, funny, charismatic, generous, wise, whatever.
If you're just a nice guy, and you don't have any other qualities, you're boring as fuck and people get tired of you.
There is nothing bad about being nice. There is a lot bad about not being anything other than nice.
I'd prefer dating an interesting asshole than a boring nice guy, but I'd pick an interesting nice guy over everyone else.
>>17333927
Well, there goes what was left of me self esteem.
You have to differentiate between a nice guy and being a man, if you want people to like you, never put niceness above manliness.
>>17333927
>smart, funny, charismatic, generous, wise
These things are okay characteristics, but niceness is like a secondary thing or accessory, it's not something you people to first think about when describe you, as backwards as it might seem.
>>17333933
Well - you can still improve so many things about yourself. It's not a death sentence.
Work hard, learn new things and improve.
Nice is what people use to describe a guy that has no real attributes, girls can describe a guy as cute, funny e.t.c, if they say "he seems like a nice guy", what they really mean is there is nothing not wordy about that guy, neither positive or negative
To break down what "niceguy" actually means, these people aren't nice at all. "Nice" is politically correct language for "I can tolerate being around him at least for a while, I guess". It's not something to be lauded, but a basic requirement. It's totally different compared to if "nice" is used as genuine praise.
These people get too close for comfort.
These people think they're owed a relationship.
These people depend on the approval of others to prop their mood up.
These people offer unsolicited help and expect to be gratified for it.
Actually nice people are self-confident, lending their calm and strength to others.
Actually nice people help without expecting anything in return.
To be truly nice, it is a prerequisite to have your life in order and be happy or at least content in general. How can you better the lives of others if you haven't gotten your own needs met?
>>17333956
My boyfriend is nice. He's probably the nicest person I've ever met.
But he's amazingly smart. He has a great sense of humour. He's very empathetic. He's knowledgeable. He's charismatic, calm, and being around him gives me strength and motivation.
Those are the qualities I use to describe him. I usually say he's a "good guy" when I want to emphasise how kind and generous he is.
Nice to me usually means "I really can't think of ONE thing I really like or dislike about you".
>>17333986
Perhaps I've been poisoned by /r9k/, but he sounds almost too perfect to be real. I know, I know, people like this exist in the world.
>>17334016
Love does cloud a lot of negative traits off a person and exaggerates the good qualities of someone.
Odds are he's probably just your average nice/cool bloke.
>>17334058
Yes, but there is an element of truth because people need good qualities to be lovable. The love isn't going to continue (at consistent quality) if those begin to fade or if negative traits become increasingly apparent.
>>17334016
He's pretty fucking awesome, I have to admit.
He has a ton of flaws - He's very introverted and chaotic. He has the attention span of a retarded goldfish. He takes all critiques personally and gets hurt by everything. And many other things.
I'm deeply in love with him and would never leave him, tho. And I love his flaws as much as I love his qualities. He's a perfect match for me, more than a perfect person.
>>17333904
Look outside, I know that you'll recognize,
it's summertime~
>>17333904
nice guys finish last and most women will rather be with a serial killers then a nice guy. if you don't believe me then look at the Colorado shooter he was having difficultly getting dates but after killing innocent people then women wanted to date him. pic related his fan mail.
>>17333924
>>17333927
What these anons said. Be nice but not too nice to the point where it's creepy. Girls like the feeling when a guy is dominant in a relationship so be able to show your strength, hold your opinions and whatnot. Show girls that you can be many other things.
>>17333904
They use the word nice because there is actually nothing else to be said about you. You arent interesting or fun, you have nothing going for you that concerns them.
That's what a nice guy is.
>>17333904
Not sure how on-topic this is, but the word 'nice' used to mean 'stupid' in its earliest days. Seems like the English language has come full circle to its Latin roots (at least when it comes to the term 'nice guys')
>>17333958
The sad part is a women doesnt have to do any of these things
>>17335241
That's just not true.
Both men and women have to work to attract the opposite gender.
Traditionally, men pursue women and women "choose" partners (for obvious biological and cultural reasons), which means that men have to work a bit harder to get the most attractive women, but there's a woman for every guy.
>>17335261
>work a bit harder
Thats the best euphemism I've heard today thanks. Yeah women have to work too. Make up is annoying, but I wouldnt consider it hard work.
>>17335241
I've said this before in another thread and I'll say it again: it's usually the males in the animal kingdom who need to attract the females. Women don't have to do much because they're biologically advantaged to the point that our instincts always go back to catering to them.
>>17333904
the thing about being "nice" is that it's an easy thing to do and to fake and tells nothing about who you are and what your intentions are. everyone can be nice under certain circumstances. it's a very 2-dimensional trait. what people care about is how genuine you are, which will reveal the other facets about you. if people were an onion, being nice would be the flaking skin on top. but that doesn't mean being nice is a negative asset.
here's something to those men who fear about being nice: MOST GIRLS WANT A NICE GUY. they just aren't sure if you're actually nice or not. so they look for your other traits to see if you're worth tossing the time with.
my boyfriend is genuinely the nicest guy i know. he's very generous and thoughtful and loving. i feel like i can trust him and i love and appreciate him very much for it. but i can tell he's genuine because he's very comfortable being nice and likes to make people smile and doesn't expect anything back in return except maybe the smallest expression of thanks.
he is also very smart, hard working, honest, and silly. but, he has had a rough childhood where he learned to appreciate the little things. he gets anxious easily and he is sometimes too afraid to even talk on the phone. he was very up front with me on this right at the beginning of the relationship. if he had only shown his nice side, i would definitely think he was hiding something about him or that for whatever reason, he wasn't comfortable around me.
people crave to connect to others on a deeper level, so if you only show your flaky onion skin side, then good luck trying to keep the people around you.
>>17335281
Meh in the animal kingdom the females would just get raped (dont want to make rape jokes, but it is how it is)
>>17335278
Women take much more care of their body in general. And it's not just make up - waxing, taking care of the hair, clothing (which is generally more expensive) etc, etc. Other than the obvious diet, exercise, etc.
It's not a huge deal, but women have to work to be attractive too.
>>17335313
Yeah in general they take more care about their body, but most of it isnt necessary to attract males. You dont need the most stylish\expensive clothes and most beautiful hair. Its just that most woman are into fashion.
And still it is really little compared to a male. I for example go to the gym 4 times a week, shave everyday and work on myself constantly. I face my biggest fears nearly everyday, just to get more extroverted.
I work on my passions everyday to get better at them and make good money.
Now some girls see me as worth enough to give me a chance. And all they do all day is netflix and snapchat... Honestly thats like super disappointing. My life is great, so I dont complain, but still...
If you really are a nice person, being called nice is a compliment, never a "kiss of death".
The problem comes when someone says "yes" to everything they're asked to in order to get a reward they weren't offered in the first place.
>>17335358
You're just biased because you are the one actively making an effort.
I exercise and diet. I don't have hair under my eyes, I wax every inch of my body. I dress nicely, use make up, take care of my skin and do my hair.
A lot of people are introverted, I'm introverted too.
I volunteer, I'm in med school, I try to have a healthy social life beside my introversion. I have hobbies.
It's not like you're the only one making effort.
I do that for myself, I love my life and the way I look. Guys are attracted by me, too, and it's good and rewarding, but I don't live my life to be validated by them.
>>17335413
You are probably right, thanks for the reality check. I'm searching for the right girl, there has to be some that are worth it.
But I have one thing to complain: Being introverted as a men != being introverted as a women.
The former devastates your social life while the latter is pretty common. My sister for example is super introverted like me, to the point of mild social phobia. She had multible bfs and always was part of a social circle. In comparisson me: I had extremely few friends and never hold hands with a girl till I was 20 lol.
>>17335438
Being socially awkward/phobic and being introverted is different - I am very introverted, my boyfriend is too, but we both have friends and a pretty decent social life. I have very few friends I'm really close to, he's the same, but we're both able to exist socially and people like us.
I get constantly mocked because I'm introverted - my best friend and my ex boyfriend (both extroverted) make fun of me ALL THE TIME because I couldn't stand social interaction for more than a few hours without getting tired/drained/annoyed.
>>17335524
Im not sure, I would say that social phobia is just the extreme version of being introverted. How did you get together with your bf?
Being introverted is something that you can work on, but will never get away from in my experience. Despite working on it so much, I still prefer being alone. Today was a typical day for me. I woke up at 9 am, studied a few hours, went for a walk while listening to a Podcast, studied again. Then went to my homegym and trained. In the evening I browsed 4chan and watched some soccer. Zero contact with people, but it makes me happy, idk super weird.
>>17335542
Very much casually - he was with his best friend at a bar, I was there for my best friend's birthday. He said something funny to his friend, I heard it and laughed pretty hard. We started talking and clicked.
My day was pretty much like yours. Woke up at 7, went to swim for an hour, studied, brought lunch to my boyfriend at work, studied some more, watched soccer (fuck France), browsed 4chan, took sleeping pills. Happy as fuck. Close to none social interaction.
>>17335562
Yeah fuck France.
Glad that I'm not the only one who is like that. I'm gonna go sleep now, good night.
>>17335574
I don't know who I'm going to hate more in the final.
Going to sleep too. Goodnight anon, good luck with life.
>>17335293
This was quite insightful. I'm a typical "nice guy" in the sense that I'll do my best to help everyone else as much as possible but I don't show them any other side. The problem is there's nothing worthwhile underneath so I can't show it.
>>17333904
It's just another code word for "ugly" that women use to pretend they aren't just as shallow as men.
They say they hate "nice guys" because they only want sex but if a hot guy just wants to fuck them they'll never call him "nice" or "creep"
The road to being an annoying cuck bitch is paved with good intentions
>>17333904
>>17333904
I don't care what people say I balance niceness, being an asshole, and being confident all in one and no matter what anyone says like "girls don't like assholes" they're at very least partly wrong. a range of women like getting treated like shit and hurt for many reasons like maybe they had an abusive parent or thhey loved there mom/dad and the parent never returned the love and left..the list goes on, but some girls unconsciously or consciously are drawn towards it..Mind you that being sassy and childish and hyper aggressive do not count you have to put yourself above her and make sure she knows it and brush her off like she is shit. Like I said a range of women are like that not all of them, but most of the ones that strictly like "nice guys" or "nice guys" even if they have other traits are looking for emotional and or financial support and behind your back she will had a bunch of side guys fucking her.
It's not bad to be a nice guy
It's sometimes(not all the time)bad if being nice is the first people think you are.
It's bad is being "nice" is your only trait or characteristic.
tl;dr but I'll give my take on what I briefly read.
All I'm going to say is, even if a guy seems like a lowlife, ass hole who's going nowhere in life, dresses like a douche for a lack of better words, he could have the utmost respect and loyalty for a woman and always have her best interest in mind. 'Nice guy' is a term applied to someone who doesn't necessarily have anything wrong with them, but they lead a boring life and don't have any redeeming quality that stands out. Think of that quiet kid at school everyone got along with, average looks, even more average interests and life experiences but you can't break past his shell, and are stuck with just small talk.
Summary: nice guys a term applied to super ordinary guys with no real faults, but at the same time not a single redeeming quality that stands out.
The words "nice guy" are subjective.
Being nice could be completely different depending on the girl you ask.
It could mean the guy has good traits. Empathy, Kindness, Compassion, etc.
Or it could mean he's a little bitch who could never man up if required.
It's just too generic to define a large group of guys..
Intelligent, attractive, and mature women generally wont tolerate the typical asshole behavior from a guy. Most of the women who fall for that are trash or extremely insecure.
Some of my friends believe in the whole "treat them mean, keep them keen" attitude and I don't see them pulling many women at all. On the rare times they do it's usually dirty club sluts.
I think the whole nice guy thing should really be broken down.
Guys who get shut down by girls because they are nice comes from a defense mechanism born in their youth. For whatever reason, he loses the ability to be aggressive and accepts everything passively without caring about his own needs. Essentially, the nice guy believed that as long as he is nice and supplicating everything in his life will go smooth and he'll never have to worry about dealing with conflict.
Unfortunately, to be in any kind of relationship, conflict inevitably happens. And because you are supplicating all the time without getting your needs met women sense this and get turned off. And it becomes one big vicious cycle.
The way out of niceguydom requires the one thing most nice guys aren't: selfish. You have to start being incredibly selfish. That means instead of following along with whatever the girl wants, you do things you want. Leave girls alone for a minute and simply do the things you've always wanted to do. Period.
What happens is you get a hell of a lot happier than you have ever been. You love and enjoy life because you don't really care about a persons approval or whatever someone else is throwing at you. Your girl giving you shit? Go fish. Your boss fucking with you? Quit and be a secret agent. Whatever it is, do what makes you happy. And by doing this, you can give without caring because you've got everything. You can fuck women without being afraid of how they feel because you want to.
>>17335261
>work a bit harder
Lol this fucking delusion. Dating, relationships and sex are absolutely trivially easy for women. You can't even fathom what it's like for men, and tragically you'll never have to.
Put any woman with a successful, full, active social life in the body of the average man and tell her to go get that same level of social life but as a man, and 99.9999% would fail miserably and be labeled pathetic losers. Or even, ironically, "nice guys".
>>17336412
Jesus can you be any more of a bitch?
I would never, in my God given life, want to be a woman.
Don't get me wrong, I love women. Hell, I obsess over women. They are fucking amazing in every way.
But to think women have it better than men in ANYTHING shows how little you know about women.
You think that just having the ability to fuck whoever you want is comforting? Women feel things on a far deeper level than men. Ever seen a prostitute? Notice how tired and hateful she is? Women love sex, but crave love and affection.
Women get pregnant. So if she fucks without a condom...surprise! Here comes little Jr. Fuckwit. And if the father is a deadbeat she has to waste 20-30 years of her life raising an ungrateful little shit.
Oh and theirs more! Women are physically weaker than men, on average get paid way less than men, women can't wander alone because of the danger of rape...ANDDDDD... Here's a fucking shocker... Women have to play the nurturing role at all times or else her children won't amount to shit.
Not to mention how unappreciated, unloved, and shit on women are in every relationship.
I mean, fuck man, are you that insecure? Are you that dense?
As a man, you can easily change from nice guy to stud. You don't have to be attractive, as long as you work hard and have a cool personality. Youre durable, workable, trainable. You can bring joy into a woman and make her life awesome. Why the fuck would you think that women have it easier? We're out on this earth to help THEM out.
I hope you'll understand how much women go through. Look through their eyes man.
>>17336431
Literally nobody would actually believe you're a man.
>>17336435
I think that award goes to you mate.
>>17336431
Damn buddy you might just the saddest little cuck I've ever seen.
>>17336444
>spew a bunch of bullshit straight out of your womens studies 101 classes
>resort to petty "ur not a REAL man!" insults when they're taken as bullshit
>>17336449
How so? I'm right.
>>17336457
I just take what I'm given.
None of this is as true as you think it is when you get off the computer and stop reading manosphere bullshit
People are called "nice" all the time and it's not a kiss of death. It's because they're fucking nice. Not "nice" to cover up their ulterior motives. Some people are just..nice people! They don't study the top pickup artist blogs or take their social cues from men's rights activists
>>17333904
Not everyone will appeal to everyone. No matter what you do you will be boring or annoying to some people. Nothing can be done to prevent this regardless of who you are.
I am a pretty nice guy but I know I am not everyone's cup of tea. That is fine. I don't like some people as much as I like other people either. Stop caring so much about what people think.
>>17335625
You probably have other good qualities. You were just taught at an early stage to be ashamed of who you are. I think this is one of the reasons people become too nice - they would rather do that than offend others.
I think being good to people takes strength though. I'm all for openness to a point but I can't stand people who have no filter and expect people to just out up with their shit non stop. IMO there is a tier above being completely "vulnerable" about everything and it's called having your shit together.
Take what that femanon said with a spoonful of salt. There's more to it than that post. If she wasn't attracted to the guy for example, no amount of "openness" would matter and she wouldn't appreciate it any more.
>>17336464
You're wrong on absolutely every single point.
Women have access to more birth control options than men AND have the option to get an abortion even if they all fail. Men have no say in the abortion, but can still be forced to pay child support. It's entirely in womens favor.
The pay gap is such a widely dubunked myth it always amazes me that people still try regurgitating it. Women are not paid less for anything, they willingly choose to go into lower paying fields and work less hours. And they have this freedom to choose easier, less stressful and more enjoyable jobs like that because society guarantees they'll be taken care of no matter what. And if they want a more important job, affirmative action lets them just force their way in even if they're not good enough. Again, all in womens favor.
Men are victims of violent crimes way more frequently than women. Even rape only appears 1 sided because it's definition is constantly manipulated to inflate female rates and ignore males.
Women are coddled, protected and praised by society basically nonstop their entire lives and where the fuck you're getting that they're "unappreciated, unloved and shit on" is completely beyond me.
And being physically weaker means absolutely nothing in a modern, technology and information based society, especially so with all the previously listed advantages.
I don't know if you're some delusional feminazi straight out of her first year in womens studies, or just the most self-hating, pathetic beta "man" to have ever walked on this planet, but either way you're absolutely retarded and laughably misinformed about just about everything.
Than you, adv
