Can you guys give me some advice regarding my ex fiance, whom I still love and want to be with?
I used to have no job, no car, no college education, and wasn't living up to my goals. I had a crisis and grew more and more depressed and neglected the last thing I had in the process. I eventually made the irrational decision to break up with her, because I felt she needed someone better than me, but I now only felt alone and without help, she was the only friend I had. She was obviously devastated but less than a week later I begged and pleaded her to take me back and what I said was a mistake. She eventually agreed, but probably because I was now focusing more on getting my life back on track than our relationship, she just didn't feel the same.
The past two months have been real rocky for us, the most disputes we've ever had in our years together happened here. Eventually it culminated to us giving each other some space for a week. At the end of this, she suddenly texted me saying that she decided we shouldn't be together anymore and that she didn't want me to respond because it would make her only feel worse. She blocked my number and social media outlets, so I cannot contact her.
Ever since this, I've felt so utterly broken. I've NEVER felt this bad in my life. I feel I fucked up really hard. I can't sleep much anymore, and I've cried more than I think I have in my entire life. None of her friends will obviously speak for me, trying to talk to her directly is out of the question.
Cont
I don't want to move on. This is the woman I wanted to spend my life with, and should never have said what I did. I've decided that it's time I fixed myself to show her how much I've changed, but my question is, when should I show her, or even how? She won't talk to me. I have a car now, and am obtaining a better paying job. I'm getting fit and losing weight. Should I wait a month or two, buy her the flowers she likes the most and show up at her door with my new car, wearing the name tag to my new well-paying job? How can I maximize my chances of getting her to speak to me again?
The job I'm getting will send me to Miami for 3 weeks of orientation. After I've certified for the job and come home, I'll have not spoken to her or her friends for a month and a half. Could this silence potentially be long enough of a wait before reattempting contact with her?
You dun fucked up son
Did she break up with you because you didn't have a job or for another reason? Cause if she found someone else, your dreams of getting her back are dead and gone.
However, the silence and distance is enough for you to try and communicate with her again.
Give it a shot, OP. Don't act cocky with showing her your new stuff, take her out to diner somewhere nice and explain your situation.
>>17332672
how can I unfuck this man? Before this, I was a confident person. I believed before this that no one should ever give up on their other half. I know couples have gone through much worse, and want to endure life with her. If I wanted to just give up, I would have long ago, but she is still my world. My end goal is to have my debts paid off and join the military. This was my original plan to help us be an independent couple, while she went off to college to get her degree in medical and virological research. When we finished, we would look for jobs out west where our lines of work demanded it. I still want this. Nothing has ever made me more happy than her, and I desperately want to show it.
>>17332685
no. I'd never cheat. The very though of either of us being with someone else makes me sick to the stomach. I initially broke up with her, why I honestly can't say, but I was likely misdirecting my feelings of being unfulfilled on her and our relationship. I've never felt more stupid and ashamed for the choices I've made regarding our relationship these past two months. In the end, after two months of going back and forth, and rough relations, she wanted to take a break for a week, when at the end, she cut me off via text, and blocked me so I can't possibly talk to her.
Can anyone lend some advice that I can use to maximize my chances of getting her to at least speak with me? Is my current plan really the best I can do? How can I come off not sounding so desperate and needy? SHOULD I sound desperate and needy?.. She's not talked to me for almost a month now, and I feel like it's destroying me. I can't honestly say I've felt THIS upset in a long time, if ever. I've expended just about every avenue of trying to speak to her except show up at her doorstep.
>>17332738
>How can I come off not sounding so desperate and needy? SHOULD I sound desperate and needy?
No
Sound calm and chill. If she doesn't want you back don't break down crying, just move on with your life and find someone else. Like everyone says, there's plenty of fish in the sea. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and I'm already considering trying to date someone else who's been flirting with me for the longest time. Don't be scared of change.
>>17332759
so, calm and chill. I'm not even sure what to tell her, when, or if, I do talk to her. Do I tell her I'm sorry? It's what I've been trying to say the whole time, and being sorry just doesn't feel like it'll cut it. Do I tell her how I've changed? Do I just try and spark up general conversation first? This'd be if I just knocked on her door and she happened to answer..
I feel moving on has been so hard because of how we ended things. I'd at least like to be able to speak to her, the end goal at least being able to get some things off my chest, to show her I've changed. I desperately want to be with her, but I think I've accepted that may not be a very likely outcome.
>>17332778
>I'm not even sure what to tell her, when, or if, I do talk to her. Do I tell her I'm sorry? It's what I've been trying to say the whole time, and being sorry just doesn't feel like it'll cut it.
If that's how you feel then say it.
>Do I tell her how I've changed?
Yeah
>Do I just try and spark up general conversation first? This'd be if I just knocked on her door and she happened to answer..
Dress presentable and tell her that you came here to apologize, something along the lines of "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us in the past, but I've changed. Maybe we can talk about it over some dinner/lunch?"
If she refuses just tell her about your situation and be honest. Don't beg her to come back, just tell her to consider.
If she does go with you, do the same thing. Try not to be too nervous. If say chew some gum, but that's bad manners or something.
>>17332812
Thank you. This means a lot to me. I'm in a pretty dark place right now because of all of this, but I really do want to show her I am different.
I'll give it a few weeks of total silence before doing what you recommend. I've decided to see a therapist to help me sort out some of my lifestyle issues as well. I need to be in a better state emotionally to avoid a breakdown in front of her, and I need to be more confident that I can succeed.
>>17332830
Godspeed, anon. Hope you get your issues sorted out.
>>17332870
Thank you, I hope so too.
