I lie to friends to avoid hanging out. I hate being in situations where I don't know everyone, and all my friends have their circle that they hang out with.
I'm not scared of people, I can have entire conversations with complete strangers making eye contact, but for some reason, I hate situations like parties, or even being in a room with people I don't know.
I also have a fear of going on dates. I turn down almost everyone who asks me out because the mere idea makes me uncomfortable.
I honestly don't know what specifically I have an issue with, but it's getting kind of sad to keep lying to people who want to hang out, or go out with me.
If it matters, I've dealt with anxiety and self image issues since I was a teen, and had abusive parents (not trying to be a special snowflake when I say that, I'm saying so because it might be relevant).
Is there a solution to this? Is this a disorder?
Ps if you're going to reply with "grow up be a man and deal with it", trust me, I'd rather not be here asking for advice. I've tried nutting up and just "dealing with it", and the problems still exist.
>>17329897
The solution is to do it anyway if you want the benefits of social interaction. If you want a girlfriend or boyfriend and friends, because they're not going to be around if you neglect them. Your social life will dry up completely if you keep behaving this way. Could be autism (the eye contact thing and hating conversations), could be a personality disorder, could be something else.
If you want to go out,then go out. If you don't want to go out then don't go. I don't really see what the problem is. If you want to go out but are declining invites anyway, just stop doing what you don't want to do. It sounds to me like you don't really want any change and want to stay the same, and that's your prerogative. Just don't expect any positive change to come of it.
>>17329937
>>17329902
I don't want social interactions currently cause they stress me out, but I don't want them to. Being at parties and going on dates makes me anxious and nervous the entire time, and I never enjoy it. I see people at the same parties, or on dates having a good time and I envy them, because I want to enjoy it.
>>17329963
Well you're never going to enjoy them if you don't go.
>>17330015
Like I said, I have been to a couple of parties and on a few dates, and they stress me out. I don't understand the logic behind doing the same thing repeatedly until it just becomes enjoyable.
>>17330028
>>17330028
Do you think every party is the same? That every person you meet is the same? That the results are solidified because of a couple pitiful attempts?
Here's what I am hearing from you:
>I want to be able to have fun doing things
>I don't want to give myself the opportunity to have fun doing things
>I am upset that I am standing in my own way
You are the only obstacle. You are your only contradiction. I still don't know what you see as a problem. If you don't like going to parties, don't fucking go. If you want to enjoy something, go do it. There is no problem here apart from you being unable to decide what you want most. Figure yourself out and spend more time speaking honestly with yourself about what you really want.
>>17330041
I guess I'm just antisocial then, despite me not wanting to be. I'm an anti antisocial, antisocial person.
My problem is I want to want to go hang out with friends, but I don't because it makes me anxious. I usually try to make myself for their sake, because they want to see me, and I'm nice. I feel like an asshole for not wanting to hang out with friends, because I like my friends, and they like me.
>>17330128
I doubt you really like them all that much. When you like something you don't need to push yourself to go do it. You only hang out because you feel obligated to, like it's your duty. All this does is make you a poor friend. Why would they want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to spend time with them?
Look, don't get all shook up about partying with random, it's not for everybody. But at least try and be a good friends. You can't plan on enjoying experiences that haven't happened, and you can only enjoy things you experience. When you say you're anxious or stressed out, it means you see the act of hanging out as a chore, as though you're expecting something out of it. Friends just hang out because they enjoy each others company, because they like the way each other think, they have respect for the things in their life they've been through, and because they know that often enough something entertaining, fun and amusing happens when they're together. You are overthinking everything, you are trying to ationalize and analyze fun and enjoyment. Seriously, what can happen that is so had? What awful things do you envision happening as a result of hanging out with friends?
>>17330139
My friends usually have circles of friends. I'm a very silent person by nature, on top of being odd, and not being good at reading people/telling when someone's fucking with me or not. The friends I have are friends that were willing to be around me long enough to see I'm not that bad of a person, so they get me. I'm just very bad at first impressions, so my friends usually have to make excuses on my behalf.
I also have a tendency to unintentionally piss off my friends. Once we were playing xbox, and I almost had someone physically attack me over a dispute relating to something completely unimportant, without me even realizing I was annoying him.
>>17330160
>I am silent
>I'm odd
>I'm bad at reading people
>I'm oblivious
>I'm bad at first impressions
These are not who you are. These are not the core of your being, they are not predefined by nature. These are qualities and charcteristics, and ones you can change. If you want a better life, become better. What you've listed are just the excuses you tell yourself of why not to do the things you'd like to be able to do.
>>17330174
I'd say those are more so reasons, and not as much excuses, but the point is still the same I suppose. I'd love to be able to change those things, but I don't really know how. I definitely don't choose to annoy people, or to not have the right words for certain situations, that's just how I behave naturally.
>>17330264
The change of those qualities is exactly what growing up is. I'm here to give you advice, not hold your hand and give you a walk through for life. Once you've identified what you want to change, if you work consciously towards changing those attributes then they will change with time. You should be striving to improve something about yourself every day, even if it's only a little. Those little changes will add up and in 5 years you'll find yourself a stronger, smarter, wiser man.
>>17330293
You've certainly given me some things to think about, thanks for the advice.
