I don't know how to deal with my sexual complexes. This is going to be long and autistic, but I want to get it off my chest.
I know how it originates: I was depressed when adolescence came on, and I refused to even think that I'd ever get laid. This led me to getting way into porn about sexual denial, since it fed into that: chastity porn, femdom, etc. Despite my dumb ass, I wound up having my first kiss at 16, which felt pretty typical.
I'd later go on to have some girl realllly go for me at a party a year later, but I was too nervous to get hard. I kissed a couple girls in-between then and 20, but nothing much really. One girl I went on a date with at 19 kissed very oddly, with her mouth closed and just sort of rubbing lips together. At the time I had done so little and still had such bad self confidence that I assumed *I* was doing things wrong, and felt ashamed and awkward about it. Remember, all this time I'm still jerking off to the chastity shit I mentioned earlier.
At 20 I got an active dating life, if not quite sex life. I enjoyed a great deal of dates and felt sexy just knowing girls wanted to go on a date with me. I was still incredibly nervous initiating anything, and I realized that I never really initiated kissing except with a clumsy and nervous question like "would you like to," etc. Nothing ever went anywhere. I met a girl who was way into me and we saw each other for a few months, but that was only ever kissing and oral. (Continued ... )
So here's why I bring up kissing constantly - I feel like I've forgotten/can't do it anymore. Here comes the most autistic description of kissing you've ever read: take your pointer finger and thumb together in both hands. Interlock them with each other. That's the bare basics of how I kiss, but it feels like everyone kisses with tongue, and I just don't understand how to do that/think about it. I just sort of massage the girls lips with mine (I warned you about that autism) and switch between upper and lower lip, angle, etc. I know I used to kiss with tongue, that's how I remember the first kiss I had, but now it's all too complex. I can't visualize doing it. The last two girls I've seen have laughed under their breath upon kissing me like something was wrong or it was funny that things weren't lining up right. It's killing me.
The other thing that's killing me is that I still don't see myself sleeping with someone. I don't watch porn ever really, though I've been trying to make myself so I have a better visual idea of what sex looks like. But I don't find the old femdom/chastity shit I was into arousing anymore either, because it has fully sunk in that it was only ever a coping mechanism made by my adolescent brain since I assumed I'd never get laid then. Looking at it now depresses me, yet I'm not used to jerking off to anything else.
It's all so frustrating. I'm 22, and even though I have a better "sex life" than most /r9k/rs, I feel like I've complicated things in my brain so much more. I'm scared of never being able to get "good" at kissing again, and because that's the first thing you do intimately, that I'll never find love since girls will just notice I'm a bad kisser on date 1/2 and move on. Fucking help me, what do I do?
Bump in the vain hope that someone's willing to read all this shit.
Everyone is bad at kissing at first and while it may be a turn off for a one night stand it shouldn't be a deal breaker for a relationship/someone who likes you already. Some girls get off on breaking in inexperienced guys. First step is to stop worrying. There are 7 billion people in the world and someone will be into you eventually.
Now I'll describe tongue kissing in depth for you. Kissing is just locking lips together any way it feels good. Imagine you're gently taking a bite out of her lips with out using your teeth or tongue. Just lips. Practice taking a bite out of your finger nibbling that way. Like a horse reaching for an Apple.
Tongue should generally never go OUTSIDE her mouth. The simplest way to put it is just to rub the tip of your tongue on the tip of hers, Like two fingers touching. Don't go outside her mouth as it's gross and wet. Don't go reaching for her tonsils or teeth. Find her tongue in her mouth and flick tips with it slowly, circling it.
Generally that should work until you find techniques you like more. This is a very safe and common way to kiss that won't be that special but won't get you laughed at while you figure out what you're doing.
Also Google it online. There are tons of videos
