How do I stop myself from having a crush on a guy over ten years older than me?
We work together in fairly similar roles, so I guessed he's a couple of years older than me, like 23-25. He's always been very nice and helpful and seemed way more calm and mature than most guys I know, and I really liked that. A dead serious guy with a rugged face full of helpful tips and laconic wit.
Then he casually mentions something that clearly implied he's at the very least nine years older than me, easily well over 30.
What do I do.
Why is that a problem if you like him?
>>17326014
There's two reasons why a guy would want to date someone way younger.
A. He likes having someone mentally unchallenging, with less life experience, so he knows all the cards and has the upper hand at any time.
B. He actually is on a mental level below his age, and won't ever actually grow up.
Neither will be a happy, functional relationship.
>>17326010
Nothing wrong with having a crush. They fade with time. I had a huge crush on my boss when I first started, and that guy was 50. He was a Clooney type all the way around. Yeah, what woman wouldn't crush on that? It went away a few months later, because business is business and crushes are fleeting and harmless.
You're at work to do work. So concentrate on your work. They're not paying you to daydream about another dude there. When you're not at work, go be with friends. Have fun. Make new friends. Your life needs to be 70% not work and not work-related. Giving your work crush undue amounts of thought is tipping the scale into bad territory, where you can't leave work at work. Your crush is a facet of work. Learn to let that go by focusing on your personal life.
>>17326017
Fuck you. Plenty of age gap relationships work just fine.
>>17326017
Wow, this is more immature than a guy who wants to date down.
Maybe he actually finds you mentally engaging? Maybe he just genuinely likes you as a person? Or do you really consider yourself to be stupid and immature? Has he ever given you reason to believe he's some sort of stunted manchild? Because that's a really shitty thing to assume too.
Maybe if you pursue it, you'll find out he's not actually interested in you romantically because it turns out you are stupid and immature :^)
People are unique. Sometimes it's just the case that the right person for you isn't born within a year or two of your birth year.
I'm 31 and my best friend just turned 23. I've never met anyone I've got so much in common with.
Be more open minded.
>>17326065
Or you're just mentally challenged and can't see that about yourself. Plus this is about dating, not about ppl being friends.
>>17326095
>>17326017
Are you basically saying that you're dumb? I mean, you are, but it's surprising that you admit it.
There's nothing odd about a guy dating ten years younger women in those age ranges. People don't change anywhere near as much as they do in their teen years. It's also a lot better for long term relationships if there's a big age gap, because as the guy gets older, the woman has less of a worry about him leaving her over her fading looks. A 45 year old guy that isn't a complete failure can realistically get with 25-30 year olds if they want.
>>17326045
I've dates type B before, and I don't want to take risks.
And didn't Socrates admit his wisest realisation was knowing that he doesn't know shit?
>>17326115
My reply was directed at the person who was 31 with a buddy who is 23. I was asking if they're mentally challenged and not know it themselves by using themself as an example.
>>17326208
There you go making assumptions about "the kind of people who date people younger than them".
Knowing you aren't all knowing doesn't mean you aren't stupid. But you definitely seem immature with your shitty assumptions and projections. If you already know what the answer to your question is, why do you want other opinions?
>>17326223
You're implying that there is an innate significant difference between a 23 year old and a 31 year old's mental capabilities. One has, potentially, more life experience, but even so that says nothing about one of them inevitably being much smarter. Assuming you're OP, you also imply that the guy you like would have to be retarded to be on your mental level, which just says that you yourself are stupid, because if you weren't stupid, you wouldn't necessarily be much different from the average 30-year-old guy.
There's also more to it, you can just enjoy the personality, or even just the looks of someone even if they aren't on par with you mentally, and respect them enough to not abuse your upper hand. Not everyone is a turd.
>>17326017
My parents are 25 years apart. My mother is one of the shrewdest and savviest people I have ever known. Despite the fact that my father holds a doctorate degree I don't think he has ever considered my mother to be less intelligent than himself. To be honest I'm well aware that my father would be lost without her. Their intelligence lies in different avenues.
I don't believe a man interested in a younger woman is interested in her because he thinks she's stupid. I think it's biology.
>>17326247
I'm not implying that every guy who dates younger women is an idiot or a predator. The matter is, I've already dated an idiot and I wouldn't bet that *he* would be interested in me based on the circumstance at hand.
>>17326010
>Disney
>tink
>dating older men in her prime
Fucking white girls I swear.
>>17326560
It was a random pic my sister sent me.
And I didn't know he was that much older than me. He just looks like an early 20-something who's seen some shit.
>>17326643
Every 30yo ever. Ever thought that it's neither A or B, but rather he finds you attractive, just as much as you find him attractive, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to settle for a 30+ woman that comes with all the baggage?
PS: I'm 36 and I am engaged to a 28yo.
>>17326643
>>17326724
36 and 28 isn't that much... I wouldn't date a 16-year-old, and the idea of being specifically attracted to someone because s/he hasn't had any kind of life experience is still kind of icky to me.
I don't know whether he's interested or not, but he doesn't seem like the type to think like that.
Men and women seem to regard life lived in completely different ways, though. It had never occurred to me someone might consider it a bad thing.
>>17326756
Okay... but 23 and 31 is the same age difference as 28 and 36. So where is the problem?
>>17326017
age gap relationships usually work the best
>>17326787
If you go proportionally, 28 is to 36 what 22 is to 28. So me dating your wife would be closer. Or me dating a 17-year-old.
I know that kind of things get increasingly irrelevant the older you get, but I was born in 1994.
>>17326951
And he was born in 86 or 85. Like nothing changed bar the fact that while you had a cellphone handed to you by daddy when you turned 12, he bought his own after his first summerjob in 2000 as a teenager.
>>17327082
I'm not sure but apparently at least some of his nine siblings were minors when his parents died so I think that money went to supporting them.
>>17327114
Okay, so are you trying to receive some validation on a Hungarian Traditional Embroidery Board to NOT take a liking to him?
Well here you go, if you have to give it a thought, then you really shouldn't. Save him and yourself the trouble.
>>17327176
I just can't see how a perfectly reasonable man who makes good life choices would return that kind of interest.
>>17327228
Are you saying you are not a good life choice?
>>17327286
Now that I think about it, yes.
>>17326010
Nothing is wrong with this, or you, OP. As others have said, it's biology. Women naturally prefer men older than themselves. In the distant past they married off 14 year old girls to 25-30 year old guys and nobody thought it was weird.
