What is going on?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I had an argument with my boyfriend on Saturday. It's kinda the first since we got back together in May. Anyway, I had said something stupid, I told him I meant nothing by it and was just overthinking. He dug into it and indirectly accused me of being dishonest and closed. This is kinda a big deal in our relationship, so it really hurt because not once have I been neither of those things. We left things on a bad note that night and he said we'd talk about it the day after, aka yesterday. He messaged me in the morning and we small-talked. He had been ill since Saturday, but said he'd go to work if he felt better in the afternoon. He usually works til 17 (5 p.m) and messages me. I didn't hear from him from 12 to 17 where he left some 3 weird nonsense. And from then on I didn't hear from him until 22, where I had gone to bed.
He said the app had crashed and he hadn't noticed the notifications.
I had left a lengthy message once again explaining my side. To which he just replied "ok, sorry I guess I overreacted but in my defense I was sick" and then continued making small-talk.
We were supposed to talk, which is something we hadn't done since God knows and the past few days, when I've waited for him, he'd message me asking if I was up to something, then not reply for 1-3 hours.
Wtf is going on here? At this point, I don't want him to come here, which he's supposed to this month. I'm so confused....
Can we get actual messages to analyze? Exactly what did you say? Details can be important in how someone reacts.
>>17325547
Inb4 people saying that I'm needy. See it like this, you make an arrangement but the person doesn't show nor picks up their phone or reply to text messages. Then calls you 3 hours later asking if you're still there...
It's pretty darn annoying.
Is it a strictly internet only, never met in real life "long distance relationship"? If so, it will not work. Might as well save yourself the trouble and end it now.
>>17325552
Well, we were supposed to talk, video chat etc, but he hadn't responded for several hours and it was getting late. I usually go to bed around 22 (10.pm.) because I work from 4-13 (4 am to 1 pm) - he knows that. I said "Sorry, it's pretty late" and he just said "Mmk" so, because I'm one of those sensitive girls, pretty lame, I asked if he was disappointed in me. And it sparked the whole thing.
>>17325559
Nope, we've seen each other a fair few times and I went to see him last month. He's supposed to come here this month.
>>17325562
I asked because the situation you described sounds a lot like something that would happen in a long distance relationship. When people don't see each other in person often, communication is poor and arguments like that can easily happen. "the app crashed" is the oldest excuse in the book, by the way, so he was probably avoiding talking to you. My advice to you is to not allow him to avoid you any longer. Tell him that if he takes your relationship seriously he is going to talk to you about this.
>>17325571
That was what I feared and I know this. We've promised each other that we'd talk about things and talk them through but honestly, it's not unlike him to do this. Whenever I go silent, he gets frustrated. He craves my attention and a lot and often. But I'm the person who often pick up hints and queues pretty fast, so whenever he's like this, I just let him be, but it hurts me a lot.
We usually talk a lot throughout the day, so this isn't normal. 1-2 hours with nothing is fine, especially if he's at work, but he drops a line after the 2hr mark. We're good at that, keeping in touch etc. But 3hrs when he's not at work? Uncommon. 5hrs after an argument and when he's not at work and promised we'd talk? Very very rare and not acceptable. He's been ghosting on me for a while now.
But I guess there's nothing else to do other than to follow your advice and break the barrier. As uncomfortable as it might be.
We're both adults, both got good jobs and such, responsible, but the emotional realm isn't a place -he- likes to be.
I know you're annoyed, but don't do the ignoring thing. It's fucking heartbreaking when you love someone.
>>17325582
It's not good that it's unlike him to do this. Communication about any worries or issues frequently is so essential to any relationship that if it doesn't happen it's just a downhill slope of constant fights. It makes sense that it hurts you a lot, I've been in similar situations and I know how it hurts. Knowing that the person that is supposed to be your significant other is purposefully ignoring you is horrible.
Making it clear that he needs to talk to you about these things *will* be uncomfortable, but things will only go downhill if you don't.
Also, not saying you should dump him, but relevant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6QWVnNKZIQ
If he's unwilling to communicate with you about problems that might arise between you two, I wouldn't suggest staying with him any longer. Communication is key. It's essential to every relationship. Whenever my girlfriend has something on her mind that bothers her, I make sure we talk about it. Because we talked about it, we stopped the problem from becoming...well, a problem. As a result, we never argue.
From past relationships, I can say that lack of communication is what usually ruins them. One side doesn't want to talk about what bothers them and expects the other to guess, and it ends up in constant fights. It's unhealthy.
If he truly loves you, he will talk to you about any problem that might arise between you two.
>>17325547
Communicating with a girlfriend is pathetic
Stop messaging each other and have an adult conversation with your voices.
