I think I fucked up

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Anonymous
I think I fucked up 2016-07-05 08:13:09 Post No. 17325274
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I think I fucked up Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:13:09 Post No. 17325274 [Report]

I need some neutral advice on my life right now... I think I've fucked it up hardcore. Basically, I've always been a little shitty as a person; suffer severe mood swings, depression and have a horrible needy personality so it's no surprise that mostly all my relationships have been shit because I am shit.
My longest relationship though was nearly 12 years and in the last 3 years of that I cheated on them with three different people for reasons I STILL cannot explain and then ended up in a relationship with the third person (whom I am now still with, it's been almost 2 years).
Problem is I don't know if I am insane or not, so I don't know if I have made the right choice or not! This nearly-12-year relationship had tons of issues on both sides and made me feel super unhappy at times, but there were alot of upsides that I am only now seeing in hindsight, and again, in hindsight I am realising that there was a ton of shit I could have done to try harder with that person to make it work and salvage nearly 12 fucking years of life together. Instead though, I chose to cheat on them, hurt them, destroy their trust in relationships/people and take their life away from them... I fucked them up, and the worst part is I still love them! I mean wtf. The person I am currently with, who I do care for, I am realising I don't actually love that much, not the way I loved this nearly-12-years person.

Quandary doesn't even begin to describe this... I mean, the new person is more effectionate, but we don't 'click' intellectually or humour wise and whilst the previous person I was with a long-ass time connected with me far more we spent little to no time together because they were anti social as fuck due to their aspergers. So now I am like... fuck... have I made a mistake here?

What do? I mean... how can I even contemplate contacting the nearly-12-years person now, after all of this... and potentially hurting this new person. I am a fucking terrible person :(

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:22:00 Post No.17325295
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:22:00 Post No.17325295 [Report]

>>17325274
lol your just morally bad, it can't go good for you either choice. Just leave them both and do some soul searching.

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:23:25 Post No.17325300
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:23:25 Post No.17325300 [Report]

How old are you?

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:23:55 Post No.17325302
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:23:55 Post No.17325302 [Report]

>>17325274
You should probably just kill yourself,

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:25:23 Post No.17325307
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:25:23 Post No.17325307 [Report]

>>17325295
Painful but to the point, perhaps I do need to just be alone to find myself. I rely on others too much to validate my happiness... :/
>>17325300
I'm in my 30's let's put it that way.

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:26:29 Post No.17325310
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:26:29 Post No.17325310 [Report]

>>17325302
Maybe

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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:40:46 Post No.17325342
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Anonymous 2016-07-05 08:40:46 Post No.17325342 [Report]

>>17325274
>Problem is I don't know if I am insane or not, so I don't know if I have made the right choice or not!
There is no right or wrong choice. Somethings make you sad, happy, etc. on a sliding scale. Having these issues does not excuse your behavior or the lack of action on your part to better yourself.

>Instead though, I chose to cheat on them, hurt them, destroy their trust in relationships/people and take their life away from them... I fucked them up, and the worst part is I still love them!
You don't do that to people you love. What you miss isn't the person, it's the closeness and how they made you feel when things were good. What they did FOR you, essentially.

>how can I even contemplate contacting the nearly-12-years person now, after all of this... and potentially hurting this new person.
You need to break up with the new person and stop stringing them along. Either way, you don't care about them and you won't be happy with them. Make it quick. As for the 12-year-person, there is no way that contacting them would end well. You're not going to be forgiven, you're not going to get back what you used to have. Instead, you're just going to remind this person that you shit on them, made them miserable, and that you're a soul-sucking leech.

You honestly sound a bit like a narcissist in the way that you describe things. Please seek help.