feeling 'weird'
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I've never been able to put my finger on it, but I have always felt different to my peers somehow. Even my closest friend doesn't understand me, but then again I don't understand him.
Some background:
In school I tended to be a bit of a loner, usually self-imposed. I wasn't lonely the whole time. Only when I thought about it at night, maybe. But yeah I felt distinct from my school friends; I always treated them with caution.. perhaps I was a bit paranoid. I felt at risk of being made fun of and was never quite sure of their attitude towards me. I was never bullied though.
At university I feel far more at home, but again I've isolated myself somewhat. I'm not confident to strike up an fb conversation with my friends though I 'know' these people like me (I'm living with them next year)..
I don't think I'm autistic. Can you help me figure myself out?
It's an obsession really, a hypochondria, but I can't let it go. Please diagnose me ;_;
If you can be arsed, have a skim through my blog to get the picture
http://disappaear.tumblr.com/
I wish I wasn't so hung up on this. pls help. I don't trust any of my ideas on the matter.
>>17324537
You're introverted, get easily tired of social interactions.
You are a normal person, and many people (you might not notice it) are like you.
You seem like an hypersensitive person, nothing wrong.
>>17324537
Please explain this:
>My mum is a robot and her movements are calculated to be normal by an algorithm that not only processes language but also codes of social acceptability; new habits get introduced and if they are discouraged by peers they are eliminated permanently.
Also, are you male or female? I can't tell from a brief skim, still looking through the blog. Interesting work, and interesting writing as well.
>>17324553
That's comforting. I've been through all the Myers-Briggs shit (INTP) but that didn't bring much solace.
>hypersensitive
Potentially. I have considered that I have LLI which I suppose is the same thing. I'm wary of self-diagnosing though.
>>17324564
Yeah that sounds a little paranoid schizophrenic, doesn't it?
It's just a thought I that is pretty plausible. It also stems from the fact that my mum often seems to be 'faking it' in social interactions.
I'm female. Thanks, it means a lot cos no-one reads my blog haha.
>Rachmaninov, concerto 2, op 18
Goddamn, that really threw me for a loop. Met an interesting girl recently, that's her favorite composer. She sent me that exact piece.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJpJ8REjvqo
This isn't particularly relevant, but it's nice to see how how the threads of fate intertwine, eh?
>>17324607
>Yeah that sounds a little paranoid schizophrenic, doesn't it?
No, more like cluster-A or -B.
My father's family is full of both, and simply put, they all have to fake everything all the time.
You don't seem all that emotionally stunted though, so i think you're relatively safe there.
However, it does mean your parents might not have been the best at it. How was your childhood?
Did you fit in well? How did you interact with the other kids? With adults? With parents, other family members?
And what about now? How many friends would you say you have? Close friends?
Any romantic endeavors?
>>17324630
Rachmaninov is godly. I haven't listened to this in ages so I guess I'll be up for another 30m
>fit in
I think so, yeah. I had a group of friends and got on with most of the year. I did get called names a bit but that's probably normal. In the summer I'd mingle with folkie kids.
I probably enjoyed fantasy games for longer than others. I pretended to think I was a werewolf for a bit.. that was fun. Howled in the lunch hall on request.. pretty embarrassing actually.
>how did I interact
shared interests, e.g. hot wheels cars, yugioh, that kind of thing. I don't remember specifics. Later on in primary school I started being funny.. that's still my preferred mode of 'attack'.
>adults
I'm not sure. I suppose I saw them as charicatures, or actors playing different roles. "teacher", "mum's friend", etc.
I don't think I felt particularly shy around them but I was usually deferent to their authority even when I disagreed. Later on in primary school & after, that was not so much the case (from 12 onwards I was an anarchist). I'd still get emotional over being punished though.. that was embarrassing because I aimed for a stony demeanour.
>parents
My dad is the annoying one. He had me and my brother wearing bibs until I was 7. He lives in a different house so we'd be shipped off there every other weekend or so. Me and my brother never wanted to go.. it was quite a boring place desu. Often he'd just take us shopping with him :l
He took us on walks in the countryside a fair bit. We walked long distances, with almost equally long periods of silence. Or arguments. I realise he thought it'd be a bonding thing but it didn't really work out that way.. he has a very forceful nature I suppose. Can't seem to hold down a job; he always stirs up trouble with the managers. I can never tell if they're actually shitheads or if he's just paranoid.
I can never vent enough about my dad, lol. I don't think he's particularly bad, just really annoying.
1/2
>>17324630
Another thing about my dad: most of his friends get kind of irritated by him after a while cos his oh so hilarious jokes aren't actually funny. It's kind of painful because I can tell people don't really like him. He does have a couple(?) of proper friends but still. It makes me scared of ending up in that situation.
>mum
She's ok, I always preferred her. She is rather a shut-in though. Rarely meets up with friends, hasn't had a single guy friend since leaving dad.
Despite caring I think she's a bit shit at emotions.. I don't feel as if I can confide in either of my parents to the extent that I'd like to. For people who associate with hippies, they're very conservative.
I think mum has anxiety problems, potentially. She used to always text me when I went out, freaked out if it was after 10pm (even though I was always at the same place - my friend's house a few blocks away).
On the other hand she was fine with me going to see a 27 year old guy from 4chan. (that relationship was TERRIBLE).
Oh and another thing worth mentioning.. I went through a stage of being repulsed by her pretty much 100% of the time. I never acted like it, because there was no reason for it.. it was distracting and intrusive. This was at a time when I was trying to build some sort of bond with her because I felt as if we weren't much of a family.
I don't speak to other family members except at christmas etc.. apart from my brother, who is always in his room so we don't really speak. In fact that's what everyone in the house does, lol. He's quite similar to me but we argued constantly as kids.
>now
I'd say I have 3 close friends. Not sure about friends in general.. maybe 10
>romance
I'm currently talking to a guy who seems great, but I met him a week before the summer holiday.. so that's not happening (yet - I hold out hope).
The last relationship was a terrible mess. Describing it would take me over the character limit.
You literally need to expose yourself to the social life. I used to be like that till I started talking to people and speaking up. It's just a phanse anon. Just talk to people, force yourself to go out at social events and all of that will go away.
>>17324814
That's what I did in the first term of university, and here I am again. It's as if I can't attend to my personal interests while having any social life to speak of and vice versa.
Now I'm at home, I'm a bit clueless as to socialising.. at university it's easy to find people with similar interests. Here, not so much. I could always get in touch with my old townie friends but they're all about the sesh.. that'd get boring. Maybe I'll go out on the town like once or twice.
>>17324814
Not necessarily. I'm like OP and for the past couple years I convinced myself that if I just put myself out there and really tried I could be a more social, more extroverted person. I'm in college, so I went and partied Friday and Saturday every weekend, met a good number of people, and hung out with them somewhat frequently but still felt exactly the same. It was like I wanted their company, but I never really wanted their company.
>>17324537
I can relate to at least part of what you mean. I had no problem making friends in grade school and high school, but I always felt, especially in high school, like we just weren't living in the same world or something. I kept to myself a lot, and it even became a bit of a joke among friends that I would "die" in the summer because I didn't really talk to them then, and sometimes I would just turn my phone off. I did like these people, but I was just never 100% comfortable expressing all my thoughts to them. College was/is better, I've maintained solid contact with a small circle of people lately and I think that's what I want out of friendship.
I hate to blame anyone, but I think I turned out the way I did because of my parents. My siblings and I are all similar for the most part, except for my oldest sister who was always sort of a rebel and a black sheep anyway. My parents never seemed to have any friends, or at least any friends that I knew of, and they didn't put me around other kids too much when I was young. They just figured me and my siblings were enough for each other I guess.
>>17324537
ahahahahahaha its almost as if we live the same life op
except i didn't bother with university and i went to the mental hospital
On a serious note, after skimming through your blog, my diagnosis would be that you suffer from the skits. Not full blown schizophrenia but schizoaffective disorder. I self-diagnosed my case since I don't want to go on any more SSRIs and nobody will hire me as it is already. Anyway I had the same story, I never truly fit in with my friends because there was no true friendship to begin with. We all used each-other for personal gain and conspired behind each-others backs with artificial smiles on our faces. Socializing is very hit-or miss but It's easier to hang around with people you hate than to live life truly alone.
>>17324836
Yeah that sounds like a similar situation.
Sometimes I disappear from facebook or ignore my phone.. dunno why it just seems like too much stimulation/effort.
>>17324855
I've wondered whether I was schizotypal or schizoid. Didn't settle on either. I've never hallucinated but I do have a few paranoid thoughts. Generally I don't take them seriously; like I have them but don't let myself get affected by them or believe them. If I did believe them then I would go psychotic, I think. My brain just likes to bug me..
I've certainly been depressed in the past.. dunno about mania. At the moment I'm a lot more motivated than usual but nothing out of the ordinary.
Much of the time I wish I could withdraw from the world.. it's too much hassle. Hence DXM (bleurgh).
Anyway, why schizoaffective?
>>17324958
Schizoaffective disiorder is a healthy mixture of depression, paranoia, and hallucinations. I'm no doctor, but two out of three isn't bad. Your OP stated that you wanted to be diagnosed so I found the most fitting label.
>>17324999
*disorder
