>>17323659
Just a question.
How old are you?

>>17323659
Sounds like depression. I recommend you not cut ties to anyone if you can help it. Work on being less sensitive(because you do seem to be). And truck on. Resist the urge to isolate or emotionally vomit on people. find a middle ground.

>>17323659
Hey man, I've been through the same and depression is not something that goes away. But I'm a stranger on an anonymous board, tell me anything you want and I'll answer honestly. Don't keep it to yourself.

>>17323681
>>17323659
Oh, and when I say "through the same", I mean it. The planning and the constant feeling. The abusive girlfriend which i can to you more since I broke up last year and moved on since. But tell me your stuff, through here or other place and I'll listen. Just don't do anything without telling me or someone first.

>>17323711
Well the gf thing, i'm sensitive but she did really mean stuff. I'm her second choice, and she takes me for granted. Flirts with her best friends and I have to deal with her bipolarity and "absence of love" in public. She's a liar and her love depends entirelly on her mood, period and the people around.

I don't enjoy anything anymore, used to be passionate about music, books and everything is gone. Im in college, usually I get good grades but i'm too harsh with myself. I hardly recognize my good things. My relationship with my family is pretty poor, and I can't get out of my house because you starve with minimum wage on my country. I have very few close friends (3), 2 of them are with me most of the time seeking help with academic stuff. 1 friend is really inconditional, but lives in other city.

Suicide, in the last months, seems like a good idea to me since no one depends on me, I don't have any children, and right now i'm taking more than what i'm giving.

I always try to not vomit emotionally with anyone, like I said, never talked about this before with anyone.

I'm going with a new psychologist to treat this. Maybe change my habits and "find a meaning for my life", a goal to keep fighting instead of asking myself why i'm still alive. And I know that this sounds like a "special retarded snowflake". But I feel like this, I want to work on it, it's hard to kick a 3+ year habit. I've been recommended by a psychologist to leave my gf. She will be gone in a month (going to live in other country). So I want to stick it, chances are we will never see eachother again. Tips?

>>17323788
Answering, hold on

>>17323663
I don't think it matters but: 19

>>17323788
Sorry about the delay. When I was in this somewhat similar relationship, I'd go desperate over how inconsiderate she was and how I would never do the same to get, I'd post threads and everyone would say "dump her asap", but I didn't listen, because I loved her. 8 years of relationship and it's always been bad. I've ignored red flags for years not because I was afraid of being alone, but because I held on to what we had and I felt responsible for her, o would never break up. She knew that and she used me for years. We lived together for two years and I felt dead. She's stolen my friends, putting them against me. I never felt so alone. But some things she did were so crucial that they were vital for me to disconnect emotionally. I didn't see a way out and then after years feeling miserable I realized I didn't have live like this. I broke up. She asked time to leave, since she wasn't even working. I allowed, but I despised her the entire time and I finally saw through my mistakes and remebered every red flag and came to the conclusion she was a sociopath. I said goodbye to her telling all the truths about herself.

You don't have to live miserably. If you get alone without her, it'll be better off, I promise. So don't think about dating prematurely. Give yourself time. You have the GOLDEN opportunity, she'll go away herself. But she'll feel dislocated, in need for friends, and will want to manipulate you through distance making promises. Don't fall for that. Say goodbye for good. Take care of yourself. Me, I'm doing great, I've lost a ton of weight, I'm looking great, doing things I like and I've had three people falling in love with me, I'm dating one of them.

>>17323788
You seem to be feeling dead, but this will change once you can be yourself again.

Sorry, bro. You're not a "special snowflake", you have pretty normal signs of depression lol.

As for sticking it out with your girlfriend: why? Why put yourself through another month of misery? Especially if she's leaving the country and you'll never see her again. This might sound like an asshole thing to say, but by being the one to break up with her, you won't be letting her "win" (does that make sense? Idk). Put your foot down if you find her behavior unacceptable. It might do good for your self esteem, too. Reaffirm your self worth and all...

As for your "bitching", it's ok to feel shitty. It took me the longest time in therapy to accept this, but you're allowed to be frustrated, disappointed, angry, etc.

I don't know how coherent this post is, but talk to your therapist. You're not the most fucked up person he/she has to deal with, so be absolutely honest about everything you feel. They're there for you and you'll feel a lot better once you let it all out. It's hard to get to that point, but it's completely worth it.

Good luck, anon. You're not alone in this

>>17323674
>how to keep being depressive 101

>>17323659
You're just mad because you're 19

>>17323880
Thank you very much, sorry for replying so late, my internet took a dump.
It's really helpful, since I did a lot of stuff like you. Just a year with her, but it feels really sad to be with someone that doesn't appreciate you.

Some threads here, all of them "dump her, move on". I've "justified" and accepted so much stuff, and it seems that she can't stand when I feel down. I will not make any promise with her, and I will not accept any promise too. I'm saying goodbye for good. It's going to be an entire year, maybe I will heal myself.

I never date prematurely, always wait to fix, heal what happened before so I can open up in a healthy way with a new partner.
Thank you very much, I want to stop this and I will try to improve my life.

>>17323923
I know I'm not a "special snowflake". I just don't want to act like one, i'm pretty average.

I got one contact today, a really good psychologist. Going to try him, last one knew my family, it was a bit uncomfortable for me, I knew she wouldn't say anything but didn't told anything.

Thank you!

>>17324669
Now it's my internet that's taking a shit. It's funny because it never does.

But really, I'm overly self-critic. And people who like me tell me to enjoy the things I like. I have a structured life despite not taking traditional means. I work, I have my place. So I can take my time and figure things out. And so can you. Don't worry, you'll fall in love for someone that's really worth it and THEN your problems will begin, because you'll feel again, you'll feel alive again. I feel like I had life pumped back into my body.

You're so young, you have a whole life ahead you. What seems now like a big deal, you'll leave behind. Be strong and happy. Make new friends, start noticing the beautiful things this works have to offer. Read some Alan Watts. Be happy.