I fear I'm fearing the average /adv/ "lol" post I've seen, but fuck it
I'm a scandinav, going 19 in 4 days. Life in primary school was horrible as I was a shitter, wasn't diagnosed with aspergers before around 12, but the teachers' attempts at explaining me were awful. I was bullied for a lot of things either I said or others said. I did get a best friend the first day of PS who still is, but no one else really liked me it seemed.
>get to the point
Up until 2009, I had no online interaction with people except like YT comments. I was visiting said friend one day in the summer of 2009 and he was playing this very fresh and vibrant looking game and I remember feeling excited about it. It's a now very outdated MMORPG [spoiler]you know where this is going, cringeworthy as it is for you guys[/spoiler] but I still love it, the world and shit.
Basically I should skip to the start of 2010. This girl literally walked up to me [spoiler]in-game, obviously[/spoiler] and added me. I accepted everyone back in the day and deleted them if I didn't like them or something, so
Now nothing happened, she didn't talk to me until around May, where she would start to ask for party. She had extremely, I would say primitive English. It was kinda obvious she was not native
She was honestly being a good friend and because of past experiences I started fearing I'd lose her friendship if I just kept this up, don't ask. I of course tried something to ensure she wouldn't go away. In the most cringeworthy attempt at a 13yo dialogue, I told her I loved her. She fell for it, despite her limited English knowledge.
While I only liked her as a friend, she started to grow on me really much. She seemed to appreciate me a good amount. Well a day in fall, she did finally tell me her age, being a year older than me and that she's from [spoiler]Israel and please don't try to convince me of anything about it[/spoiler], which is the reasoning her English was pretty trash.
(1/3)
Fucking gotta rewrite 2/3 now because "connection error". This will take some time.
This post, as I have to rewrite this from memory of what I wrote, is pretty short and has less detail, also I'm so fucking shit at formatting, excuse me. Spoiler tags don't seem to work and I didn't know.
Forgot to mention I only had an hour of playtime a day because restrictive parents.
I eventually started actually loving her. Things from there started going much better.
Though, skip ahead to the start of winter and I had to go to some stupid fucking centre for diagnosed kids. I don't remember when or how long I stayed there, all I remember is that it was horrible.
When I came home, I got on and realized she wasn't there. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.
Then next day, nothing. Next day again and so on, nothing. She eventually got on again, but I don't remember too well. She was on a few days more I believe. Last image I have of her is from 13th January.
Yeah, she disappeared. I continued to play, but of course I had less fun. She got on for a fucking split second around valentines, but she logged off before I knew probably because I instantly started messaging her a lot like the sperg I am. She disappeared again all until like April where her brother first logged on and then her following him.
I had about 10 minutes of playtime that day, so I had to cut it short. I told her I would be on tomorrow, but of course she didn't return.
I didn't get to properly say goodbye or anything.
(2/3) shittely rewritten
It's been over 5 years with this depression which has caused my to hurt others as I desperately have asked other girls I found likable for help. I know how low that is, but what can you do when you're 14 with a shitty social life
I lost the phone with the number before I learned about country codes, I only remember the last three digits of the number. The phone could be up at the loft, but if that's the case then it's hidden deep within 1 cardboard box out of like 30. My parents won't do anything about those before the house is completely finished, which won't be this year.
Speaking of which, they don't know about this and I don't intend to let them know, at least not my dad. He's the shitter who thought setting a limit to my internet time was a good idea when it just ended up me not getting important things said.
I'll probably tell my mom about things if she asks what's wrong, if she seems to somewhat figure out that something is definitely wrong.
Because of the country being in war and all the recent shootings and stabbings that have been happening, I'm fearing for her life and I have been for a while. I don't want her to be dead, I want her to be alive.
While her leavingdisappearing from me left me in this shithole depression, I appreciate her because it threw me on a different path and got me to be a better person. I can't thank her enough for everything.
Things have lead me to become this ISFJ/ISTJ hybrid, I constantly worry for my friends, but despite that I am pretty much truth feelings a good amount of times, not being SJW at all.
I don't fucking care if she has a boyfriend or whatever, she is still a friend to me and I will not give her up ever, despite some of my friends telling me to give up as it's a lost cause, that she has forgotten me and shit.
I don't fucking care, I just want to see her again. I don't want to worry anymore, even hearing she's not alive anymore would be better than not knowing.
Followup post coming because chr limit
I might have found her Pinterest more recently, but that's about everything I've found with the information I have.
I'll give you everything I know on this if anyone is able to help finding her, though no internet traces of her exist afaik. I've found nothing but that one account.
I just had to vent this all out.
I'm so sorry.
That is all.
Shut up on my God who cared
>wall of text
>Scandinavian
>Animu poster
Yeah, I ain't reading this
>>17319231
>>17319238
I knew it was gonna be this way, but whatever I have nothing to lose by posting all of this at this point. Sorry to bother this board.
>>17319245
Just kill this girl of your mind.
>>17319327
Not able to, will never be able to. Not even with intention.
I'm nineteen years old as well, and around the same age I fell victim to obsessing over women over the internet, as well. Quite a few, actually. The first was a girl named Casey, we met on and MMO, she knew me previously from hacks I'd made for that same game which had gotten me quite a reputation. She appreciated me for my intelligence and wit, and I appreciated her because she was the first person to ever do so that also happened to have tits. When I fucked that up, I started to obsess over her, it damaged my relationship with my best friend, and once she was finally so far out of my life that I had no choice but to get over her I made the same mistakes over and over with different women. One girl, named Samantha, became so deeply ingrained in me, I thought that having a relationship with her would be existentially fulfilling. I literally felt that it was my life's purpose to be with her. And, of course, the obsession eventually damaged that relationship, too, beyond repair. (1/2)
>>17319371
It took me so many years to fully realize and accept what I was doing. That obsession, those strong romantic feelings, it's not only incredibly unhealthy but it's also not even love. You're putting this girl on a pedestal because something inside you said "this is what I need in my life" and it's hurting you that you're not able to attain it, but I promise you that if you did it would be extremely unfulfilling. It may seem silly, but maybe try and write out a list of positive qualities of this girl. Once you have your list, create similar lists for other females you know that you didn't fall hopelessly and irrevocably in love with. There's nothing special about this girl, Anon. In fact, she sounds more like a blank person you know nothing about which is allowing you to fill in the gaps with some flawless idolization of a person who isn't even close to being real. It's not something you can just switch off, but before you can do anything you have to recognize that you have a problem. There are a lot of things I don't recommend seeing a therapist for, but this is something very common and I'm certain that there are many tried and practiced routines for helping people get through this sort of thing. I would suggest that you look into that.
>>17319173
Dear OP
You're young and stupid . You ment a girl online. You developed feels. You had a fuck up. She moved on.
Welcome to almost every fucking person on the internet. You're not special.. Either was she.
Get a goddamn job. Earn money. Live life .
Fuck your asshamburger diagnosis. Go wash dishes if you have to. Just get out and do something
Like the other anons, i just gotta say, get the hell over her.
Meet some new girls, care about them.
Don't waste your time caring about people who don't care about you.
>>17319371
That's sad to hear about,
>>17319374
but I don't care if she is bland or anything, something I think you would only assume because I didn't write in Ultra Detail Mode. She's my friend no fucking matter what. I don't wanna ditch someone who basically rescued me at that time.
Also I'm more or less like a normal person at this point, as I've developed as a person quite a lot. The exception being this topic. I'm pretty much like a 16 year old because of the way I locked myself out for a couple of years in whatever school is after primary.
I just want to know she's safe, okay.
Does anyone even know what I could do at this point?
>>17319393
>You had a fuck up
I don't even know, it's something I've been thinking I've done because of me always blaming myself. I don't know if I'm right or wrong about that.
>Get a goddamn job.
Going into what's basically college, with a classmate who basically denied me. Yeah, I would say I love two people, but that's apparently extremely taboo. My life is going well but my heart is dying and I can barely make it through summer if I can get enough talk with my friends.
>>17319425
I'm glad you're going to learn skills or get a certification or degree. Quit involving yourself in emotional bullshit drama and you'll be just fine. Just focus on you, be friendly and cordial to other, and get your shit in order
>>17319422
>Don't waste your time caring about people who don't care about you.
The thing is that no one; not me nor my friends whom I've told know if she left by herself and her own will, she also had restrictions in some way or if she has fled to somewhere. There's just nothing we know and I don't want to assume anything.
I knew people were gonna tell me to "get over it", but 5 years of looking and waiting and I'm barely still going. I am gonna die looking for her and I don't care, I only care for my friends at this point.
>>17319430
She denied me because I was trying to protect her from her 17 year old horny ex when she doesn't even like the though of anything sexual. She doesn't want want anyone to feel anything for her, so yeah, she "denied" me in the most damaging way which she admitted to was stupid. Basically to "get me to hate her" by kissing her ex right in front of me and shit. I'm composed, so I went the day with the strongest fake facade I could hold.
Then again, she's also still one of my best friends and I forgive her for it all.
I kinda don't want to talk about her right now or here because she's not at all who you think she is, so I would like to leave that alone now.
Focus on me? Well I'm trying to goddamn stay alive but it's more or less playing games and watching videos. I don't have much else going on this summer.
Well I'm gonna try my best to get the game development I've been planning on started, been really into learning music theory as well, but I don't feel like starting ever because I just want my heart rested safely.
>>17319425
I can't tell if you came here looking for the psychological help that you obviously need or if you expected one of us to better advise you on how to stalk a girl who has clearly left you behind alongside that dusty MMO that she once played. I don't mean to be harsh Anon, but it's a harsh reality; even if this girl was a very close friend and was genuinely interesting, there is not a single person alive worth stressing this much over. Israel's problems, while awful, don't put anyone at any real substantial risk just by living there. She is fine. You know she is fine. You're just looking to have this girl back in your life because maybe at some point you felt validated with her, but it is a farce. You need to move on. You don't have to do it all at once, but you have to do it.
>>17319173
China's Newest Masterpiece ...
>Great
>Wall
>of
>Text
tl;dr
Stop playing MMO's, stop seeking advice about "friends list" in said MMO, go to school or get a job, meet people IRL.
Derp.
>>17319453
>I can't tell if you came here looking for the psychological help
I came here for information on maybe how or where I can find her. I guess it turned into more about my problems than anything else
>how to stalk a girl
No, even if she doesn't remember me, it will calm me just to know that she's been okay all this time. I am willing to have one last chat with her before saying goodbye a final time, I am just too worried for her right now.
>who has clearly left you
This is only being assumed because I didn't write shit out, tried at first to keep it to two posts, but got to three. I left out a lot of things I could have written to flesh out things more, but I didn't because I was running out of words.
>You know she is fine
That's straight up not true. I don't.
>there is not a single person alive worth stressing this much over
I know this, but that's just the way it is for me. I don't want people to question me for why, I just want to get in contact with her, that's all.
>>17319461
>China's Newest Masterpiece ...
hah
Anyway I don't play any MMOs anymore.
>>17319425
>She's my friend no fucking matter what. I don't wanna ditch someone who basically rescued me at that time.
I understand, anon. I'm the same, I have a hard time just abandoning people.
You just have to realize that the best thing you can do is leave her alone, forget about her. She doesn't think of you as an old friend, she thinks you're an annoying pest or clingy loser, and wants you to leave her alone.
And she's almost certainly fine, by the way. I know a lot of people from Israel, on both sides. It's not an active warzone. Unless you have an actual reason to believe something happened, she's fine. She might even be trying to hide from you.
Focus on the people who actually want you to care about them.
>>17319451
>heart rested
No.
Just start doing. Fuck the resting. This is the pitfall of the inexperienced. Get out and do. Wallowing in pitty won't fix fuck
>>17319500
>She might even be trying to hide from you
You're overthinking this. You just don't know about what went down and even as my fucking cringeworthy as all hell 13 year old self, don't see anything that would say "maybe I should hide". No, she legit just disappeared and seemingly was desperate to get on the last one time. There's a lot of things unexplained, but I know for a fucking fact that she didn't want to hide from me. Nothing in any period of our interaction indicated that she was, we got along pretty well.
>Unless you have an actual reason to believe something happened
The stabbings covered by the news is enough to make me worry a whole lot. The fact that she disappeared as well in such a weird way, the timing and literally everything surrounding the question of why she vanished is just
I just can't understand how that can't be eyebrow raising
>>17319503
>getting out of a 95 degree pitfall
lmoa
No I'm not asking for personal advice, fuck that at this point, yet again
Yeah I wasn't expecting much support.
Was worth the attempt.
