Sounds like you've run into a lot of shitty people

OP, I know how you feel.

I don't know what to tell you. I guess I'll tell you what I used to believe.
1) Make yourself so valuable, people need you.
2) People you believe are bad that pick to fight with you, you fucking torch them. You do whatever you can to ruin what they have. Let them know not to fuck with you.

You do not torch good people. You do not torch someone just because they have a disagreement with you. You torch them because you know that prick is going to do the same thing to someone else. You torch them to make them fear those actions.

That's about it. Trounce your enemies. Become an asset to people so they'll want to be your friend.

It's not a rewarding or fun life. It's not one filled with love, adoration, and praise; but it's a life you can live.

The only reason I'm choosing not to believe in it anymore is because I'm very sick, I have nobody around me that gives a shit beyond what money I can give them, so I'm going carpe diem and if I die so what.

It sounds like you've seen a lot. I'm not about to start telling you believe in the power of love and friendship.

Living is inherently meaningless, as is dying. There is no "reason" to live, so I can't provide you with one. However, it doesn't have to be a bad experience. You sound like you look too hard for validation from other people, it's not something you can stop outright but at least be aware of it. No one's opinions, pats on the back, or gratitude will ever impact you in any significant way.

>People can sense that I was born in a shithole prideless environment and like vultures they tear into me.
This is blatantly projecting. People don't sense anything, and most of them probably don't even realize you're there when they're not looking directly at you. This is just a problem with your sense of self-worth, for which I will assure you that you are not significantly less or more valuable than these people who's opinions you seem so worried about.

Just live your weird unsubstantial existence, live it the best you can, and then die. If you determine someone you have relationships with to be toxic, stop pursuing that relationship. Nothing beneficial will come out of it. That's all the advice I really have.

>>17319221
>Living is inherently meaningless, as is dying.
That's just ridiculous, to be honest. And as social creatures, we like some validation. It makes us feel good.

Wait til you're on death's door buddy, you'll suddenly what life's value is.

Only person you can really rely on at the end of the day is you, build you and find what makes you happy. Don't put anyone over your happiness especially women, everyone else is only there to compliment your life, not be a major part of it, ESPECIALLY WOMEN.

>>17319228
Oh shut up. Like you know.

Don't listen this retard, he's missing a chromosome.

>>17319228
>I'll suddenly what life's value is

It's a nice thought, that anything I could say or do could ever matter, that any relationships I'll ever have matter, that I matter. But at the same time, with the inevitability and obvious permanence of death, the contrived notion of meaning only pains things further to believe that I, something that "mattered", will be no more and never again.

I love being alive. Experiences are amazing. Consciousness is incredible and inexplicable. But the fundamental nature of it is obvious if you don't delude yourself.

>>17319243
I have multiple organ failure, but you keep chatting shit you wannabe Nihilist.

"All life is inherently meaningless", to whom? To the people around you? Your predecessors? Friends? Yourself? Why don't you stop sucking a Kurt Cobain pixie stick and grow a fucking pair and make your life matter.

>>17319246
>But at the same time, with the inevitability and obvious permanence of death

So if it's not permanent, it doesn't matter?

You'd better stop eating. That hunger is going to come back. You'll feel hungry again at some point. Really no point to eating. It has no permanence.

Our lives have value because they're not permanent. At least you're smart enough to acknowledge that experience and consciousness is something to appreciate. But you know, when you die, it is the permanent nullification of YOUR experience, it doesn't mean nobody will remember you.

And if you work hard and do big things, you do things that have some permanence. Maybe not throughout all of space time, but if that was the objective then you've already missed the mark by a few billion years.

>>17319251
That wasn't me. I'm no stranger to the humor of overt edginess, "life is inherently meaningless" is an easy statement to make fun of. But in a thread where the OP is "looking for purpose" and posts an image that exhibits a fear of death, the sentiment is actually offered as a comforting reminder that it's not something to be worried about or stressed over, as it's not something that he, you, or I can do anything about.

>>17319260
>Beauty in impermanence argument.
I appreciate those who can find meaning in life, and I appreciate any means to come to terms with what it is to be conscious, so I have no reason to argue with you there. I have played with the idea of finding redemption through the continued existence of other life, but through me possibly not actually caring about anyone but myself, or just through factoring in their impermanence in as well, I've been unable to come to any such conclusions.

For me, being a "wannabe Nihilist" is the most comfort I've been able to get out of this fleeting continuity. I only offer my take on things to those who I believe may be able to get some value out of it, not for the sake of argument.

>>17319278
Then find something that gives it meaning. Why indulge such a petty notion of 'I die one day therefore I die today'?

There are a million reasons to live, and like I said, when you actually stand to lose that life, you begin to see all of those silly little things as reasons.

I'm in my early 20s, I hate where I am, I hate the people around me, and I'm very sick. All in all, I could hang myself tonight and save myself some trouble. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to go ahead and go and see the world, because even if I'm condemned to die and enter a state where I won't remember any of it, I'll take every experience I can.

My reason to live right now, is not to die in a shitty town filled with shitty people that I could've frankly done without in my life. It's not a great reason. It's not a big reason. It's not a permanent reason. It is however, my reason.

Embrace something tightly and don't let it go. No matter how silly, naive, contrived, or ridiculous it may seem. Hold your reason to live close. Don't let anybody touch it.

>>17319251

Tough love ain't always the cure man. Sounds like your trying to use the "I'm worse off than you so shutup" card.

>>17319125
Dude, it is just a learning experience. He learned that the girl was digging you just for homework help since she is so dumb. Don't blame yourself it happens to all of us. I once took this chick about 50 miles the way to her other job since she had no car. I knew something was fishy about it since she tried to sell me her products at school and made me watch this boring hour long video. I also went with a date with her and her family to the company banquet. There the CEO of the company was trying to sell a timeshare that only cost $4,000 and you spent a week at this Resort at the beach. This is it turns to me and asked if I was interested in going and I replied to her with a stone-cold face no. She was like why not and I told her I ain't made of money and I have no interest in it. Plus it was all in Spanish I can barely speak the language.

Good part about this event is that I met some other guy friends of hers and they soared told me that they never really dated her and she was just using them for money. Her family was nice though.

Anyway the Breaking Point with her was that I was basically driving her 50 miles to see her boyfriend at her other job.

Dude we all make mistakes and this is part of life. You now know how to put a little game on some women to get them. Remember just feel confidence bro work out in a little bit maybe trim your hair or some shit and just smile. I can guarantee you that you will find success in doing that at some point.

>>17319317
I'm using the 'you gain perspective when you stand to lose something' card.

Go and read my initial post. I defended OP for wanting some validation. I'm also using the 'don't be a negative fucking pussy' card to someone that wants to feel better.

>>17319125

Getting older sucks. our one consolation is knowing that it will only continue this way. I'd suggest making a rough plan on where you want to get to and working out what is needed to get there, and start that plan before things get worse.

I had an extremely supportive few people in my youth which have helped me to survive this long. All the pats-on-the-back do run out after a while though, and sooner or later the way your brain is wired forces you to go where it demands you to.

Not knowing what my point really is here, just embrace your own brand of crazy. If you can, try to drop any frameworks you've learned for assessing your worth and start from scratch. The law isn't real, your job isn't real, money isn't real. All you need to do is to eat, sleep and shit, and the rest is open to interpretation.

The purpose of life or lack thereof is totally arbitrary. Make your own world, and put yourself at the center of it. Get the fuck away from people who devalue you, and put yourself somewhere that only you can decide what direction to take.

Life is a gamble, there's no way of knowing what's gonna happen next.
But just because you've been getting a bad streak of events, doesn't mean that life won't turn around.
You seem strong, don't be like the weaklings who can't handle social pressure.

Also there's pizza, so erm… that's a good reason to live ;)