I met a girl recently who I'm extremely attracted to, she's also head over heels for me, but I already have a spouse. How can I be a close friend to her while being a good person?
Before you answer, let me give you some background information.
I met my wife about a decade ago, we've always had a pretty rough relationship but she's a good person. It's only because of her that I am who I am today, because of the high standards she had set for me, and I really like who I am today. She's extremely independent and doesn't really know how to be gentle or to emotionally connect, which has driven me to the brink of breaking it off with her more times than I can count over the course of our relationship. For example, she's completely against any displays of affection, hates to be touched and sees no problems with leaving me behind if we're out somewhere and I stop for whatever reason to look at something. We've always been separated by a significant distance, so we've never actually lived together for an extended period of time. I do visit her quite often but she almost never visits me because of her work schedule and her many other obligations to her family. She also never wears her ring, even though I wear mine every single day.
On the other hand, she's very accommodating and caring on occasion, and she can be very adorable when she wants to be. She's always open and honest with me, at least as far as I can tell, though I have my doubts with certain things. She's always reasonable in discussions whenever we have a disagreement and will logically work out a problem with me.
Most importantly, she has flat out told me on several occasions that she really has no problem with me finding another girl to keep me company here, because we are separated by distance and can't see each other every day.
>>17318612
Which brings me to my next point. She's always very secretive, her phone is always locked and she never lets me handle her phone to look up an address on google maps or find a restaurant or w/e. When I've used her computer, she always logs off and signs on a guest account for me. The few times when I've been on a computer where she had logged into her email, she would rush to the computer and log off, even though I was looking at something completely different. This coupled with how she tells me that there's a couple guy friends she sees very often makes me have very real doubts on her fidelity. Even though given her personality I think if she was unfaithful, she'd just straight up tell me and not give a fuck.
We've had a few arguments about this in the past and she's said to me that she personally can differentiate between sex and romance. So she's okay with us sleeping with other people, but because it was never something I was okay with, she respects my feelings and refrains from doing so.
>>17318613
Recently I've felt like we've communicated with each other less and less, haven't really had a meaningful conversation in a while. We just call each other to check in and talk about shit from work or w/e.
We did plan a trip together in the near future and she's put a lot of effort in preparing for the trip, getting new clothes and gear and whatnot. This makes me feel like she's really trying to make it work, especially because this trip is mostly for my benefit. She also hates kids and never wants to have children, which is something I’ve always wanted but recently forgotten about.
>>17318617
So let's talk about this new girl. I met her about a week and a half ago and we really hit it off the first time we met. It was very brief but I could tell she was interested by the way she initiated and responded to conversation afterwards. So far we've had one date and I haven't told her about my wife yet. I'd say she's probably an 8.5/10 to me, gorgeous body, pretty face, tall and Korean. Our date was amazing, I went into it with a resolve not to sleep with her because I didn't want to cheat on my wife, but man I almost couldn't do it. She suddenly started holding my hand halfway through the date and kept touching me constantly. After we went back to her place, she changed into a cute ass dress and I could tell she wasn't wearing any underwear. We sat for a while on the couch and watched the night lights and lightning as a thunderstorm brewed outside, I honestly have not been this happy in a long time. Ultimately I got up and left and I'm sure she was very disappointed but I needed to be a responsible person. She left town for a few days and is coming back afterwards before she goes back to Korea. She even wrote me a cute letter on a napkin on her plane ride today and sent me a photo.
>>17318622
She's kind at a turning point in her life right now, she has her green card but her job is in Korea as an elementary school teacher. In order for her to maintain her green card, she needs to stay in the US for 6 months or more per year. She's worked in the US before but had to leave when her mom was dying of cancer. She really wants to keep her green card but her family are all back in Korea. So I casually offered for her to be my roommate and she was ecstatic.
How should I continue this? I feel like I’ve made a valuable emotional connection with this girl, and I really want to help her out. I really want to be her friend, but I don’t want to cheat on my wife, I also don’t want to lead this new girl on.
I just want to be a good person /adv/, help me.
This sounds like a really over the top porno plot.
Anyway, I guess if your wife is cool with it then what's the harm so long as you can refrain from juicy Korean barbeque over there. Just friend zone yourself and work from there.
Can relate to your wife about the whole log in thing. Hate handing stuff over logged in even though I have nothing to hide.
>secretive
bitch whipped by a prostitute, fuck off loser.
>>17318635
Thanks, this really helps. Honestly, I'm not here to pretend to be alpha or w/e else. I just want to see different perspectives and yours is one of them.
>>17318633
This is real life man, I wish it wasn't but it is. All these feels are driving me crazy.
Anybody else have any input for this?
>>17318672
Yeah, talk to your wife face to face and discuss your shitty marriage.
Break up for heavens sake, this is ridiculous.
If she won't let you handle her shit then she is hiding something. I used to be like that when I was smoking weed. My Mrs hated it but obviously I still texted/called/IMd my dealer and smoking buddies. Even though I deleted everything I was still paranoid about someone texting me something which would get me in trouble ("hey dude u wanna smoke up 2nite??") and I kept my phone on me all the time. Even stuff like maps and games was out of the question. I left Facebook logged out and had a randomised password so she couldn't get on it.
Now I have stopped smoking my phone is free to use. My Facebook logs in automatically and I don't give a shit what my Mrs sees because there is nothing to hide.
TL;DR as someone who has been hiding shit, take it from me: her attitude towards her online and mobile activities is a sign of her hiding shit. Ask her outright to browse through her shit and if she says no, for any reason, then ditch her. There is no good reason to hide things from your SO.
1. Your wife doesn't trust you
Better divorce now while the timing is still good.
Your relationship with your wife is so strange. It seems like she can handle her life nicely without you but at the same time wants to have you as a backup plan in case something goes wrong and needs a crying shoulder/someone that supports her.
By the way is this the kind of relationship you want OP? A detached wife who isnt living with you and doesnt even share her persona life (only work life) with you? The way you put it seems a pretty sad marriage.
Your wife is already cheating on you.
>>17319797
Also, the "separate sex from romance" thing is a classic cheater line they use to convince themselves they're not pieces of shit.
I'm not saying it's ok for you to go fuck Korean barbie but I think your relationship is already over. If you're going to fuck this new girl then do the morally right thing and leave your spouse.
