Hey \adv\, I've got a small problem. I am a 20 years old male, who never in his life had a gf. Also I'm 6'3. I'm in college and do sports 4 times a week(of which 2 times are barbell training). I still am too autistic to get a gf. Recently I wrote this cute girl in facebook(I talked to her irl a few times) but she didnt respond. I just hate myself so much. Honestly, yeah I want to have sex, but my main reason is that I just want someone to cuddle with and talk to :(.
But aparently I am to worthless for that.
I'm not a virgin , but my first and only time was a one night stand, with a girl, who was well over 30 and really ugly. I never hold hands with a girl, never kissed a girl I really liked. It just hurts so much.
Wtf is wrong with me. Should I just kill myself?
Pic related is me, maybe there is something wrong with my looks?
>>17316223
you are a good looking guy. dont know why you cant get a gf as i dont personally know you but it must be something to do with your personality. you sounds desperate, maybe that has something to do with it?
>>17316234
Yeah I am desperated, though I try to hide it a bit.
My personality may be a problem, I´m pretty shy and don´t like being around a lot of people.
Maybe my desperation showed a little too much with this girl? idk
jus
B
urselv
>>17316238
>I´m pretty shy and don´t like being around a lot of people.
do you approach girls in real life?
>>17316242
I know that it´s just a joke, but I hate advice like that. I already am myself, and it obviously isnt working.
>>17316243
Yesterday I tried to aproach this girl I talked about before. I really had to overcome myself, and when I did it, it was pretty awkward and I was super anxious. That may be a reason she doesnt want to have to do anything with me.
Besides that I never really aproached a girl, it´s just not easy for me.
I´ll try to go clubbing sometime soon. Last time I went I was not drunk enough and way to shy, to aproach any girl.
Next time I will drink before going clubbing.
Also after having conversations with girls, I always have this feeling that I want to stab myself, cause I did everything wrong. Is this normal?
Like I still cringe and hate myself, because of the conversation with this girl yesterday. Even though I would do the same, if I didnt have aproached her
>>17316260
girls want a guy that is strong, and confident. they can probably tell that you're anxious and it puts them off.
>>17316223
You should try lying to them about yourself and what you do etc.
Worked for me, kek, and I'm a manlet.
>>17316270
Fuck I think you are right. But what can I do about it?
I can probably beat up any guy(I do MMA training for years now) but this doesnt change my personality. Its just not easy y´know? I feel like its deeply ingrained in my personality and I can hardly change anything about it. Life is pain I guess.
>>17316281
What do you mean by lying?
>>17316287
you just need to speak to more girls and get your confidence up lol.
>>17316292
thanks I´m gonna work on that.
Problem is, I hardly have contact with any girls. I go 3 times a week to uni, and only for like 2 hours. When and how should I speak with more girls?
And how should I build my confidence up?
OP, you want advice on how to combat social anxiety? Go to the nearest busy sidewalk or transit station and lay on the ground. Yes, you heard me right. Maybe bring a backpack as a sort of pillow for your head...
Just go to an area with a lot of foot traffic and lay on the floor. When you do, the anxiety will kick in. Heart rate increases, breathing may hasten, you may get dizzy and you may begin to panic after 10 seconds. That's fine. Pick yourself up, wait a day or two, maybe a week, and then go do it again, but don't get up until you beat your record time.
Keep doing it until you become accustomed to doing it. You'll feel less stressed, less anxious, and more peaceful. Your fears will slowly go away.
If you don't like laying on the dirty pavement, you can also just talk to more girls. It will often end in an awkward mess, but that's okay. Do it again later with a new person, and try to get a better conversation out of them than with the last person. Then do it again, and again, until your brain realizes itcan't escape the situation anymore. It'll grow accustomed to having to talk to women, and you'll become more comfortable with it. You'll be able to develop your method to socializing, and you'll grow more confident. That alone will make women more attracted to you, so you'll be more likely to find a girlfriend.
TL;DR:
>Expose yourself to the very social situations that you fear
>do it often enough that you stop fearing it
>once you're over your anxiety, you'll be able to grow more confident
>confidence makes women attracted to them when you do confident things around them, like talking to on them.
>If you can confidently do things like ask for her number, then you have a much better chance to get it.
>>17316340
Dude I think I will try that today.
I think I´ll go clubbing today, ALONE.
We´ll see how it goes. Probably bad, but who fucking cares?
Become the next Elliot Rodger, that's the only way.
You can get laid only if you're Chad Thundercock today, thanks to feminism that encourages sluttiness.
>>17316454
lol stop encouraging this retarded self defeatism.
>>17316467
but he speaks the truth masculinity is currently under attack we build civilization for them and this is how they repay us.
>>17316223
>I still am too autistic to get a gf.
you already got the answer buddy
>>17316223
first things first anon, that nose ring has to go
>>17316811
It´s not a nose ring, only a reflection
>>17316303
Join a club filled with women. It will force you to be social with them. Yes you may blunder a few times, but overall you will be much more confident around women.
Alcohol is a crutch, dont become dependent on drunk confidence.
>>17316223
Comon dood...I have the same problem and even I got laid at 18... and a social life. U need to find confidence in yourself
>>17316223
He's a troll.
>>17317134
Nope i swear I am not.
Going to a club rn, maybe it'll work?
Honestly my main problem is that I got zero self-confidence\self-worth, cause of a psychologically ill mother and being bullied all my life. But I dont want to make any excuses so I'm working on it.
>>17317148
Nice one...I used to do the same shit when I was younger...not as young as you are because I had an actual life at that age. It's fun though. No really.
>>17317148
You do look a little dense... about as autist as I am, but I don't think you're that oblivious. I just think you're looking for confidence...for desperate femanons to say how pretty you look. It's really overrated. Been there...done that.
>>17316630
You are a moron. Who are "they"and what do they "owe"us? OP just needs some confidence.
>>17316811
You're a fucking square. Pull up your trousers goober!
>>17316223
You're a good looking kid, you can easily bump from a 6.7/10 to a 7.9/10.
Lift, dress like a man (do NOT go to /fa/)
Get some hobbies, get passionate about something. Girls LOVE guys who are passionate, focused and determined. Be selfless go volunteer places and you're bound to meet nice non-superficial girls
>>17317213
Sap.
>>17316223
If all you've had was a 30-somthing milf...I really feel bad for you. No doubt you're an autist...but you clearly have some concept of style... style, denotes a form of social depth.
>>17317222
? Nice trips btw
Get a Tinder. Post on /ADV/ your tinder profile and seek help with it.
Coming from a guy who gets laid by a new girl every couple weeks (though they're 6s or 7s, though im an 8).
Just be happy and try your hardest to hide the existential dread/hate/pain/anything negative and you'll be ok...
Oh, and don't ever spill your spaghetti by shit talking in "fuck it mode". Girls are basically all terrible creatures, you don't need to point it out to them.
>>17316223
>messaged a girl and she didn't respond
Happens to everyone lad, don't worry about it. When people are depressed they tend to take things like this and blow them out of proportion, and as a result suffer massively from it.
Consider getting therapy/meds.
>>17316921
Seconding this advice. Learning to interact with women in casual settings where you're not trying to date or fuck them will help you be more chill when you talk to girls you're interested in dating.
There are probably clubs and organizations at your university that are centered around stuff you're interested in, so maybe look into that.
>>17317156
So i just went to the club. All the girls literally laughed at me on how bad i danced. Do I have a permission to kill myself? I just want to die
>>17316223
You look fine. Just be a little more confident. Take baby steps and make small goals for yourself.
>>17317900
Trollolololol
>>17319501
Nope still no troll, I was pretty drunk yesterday, so rn I dont feel any regrets. But yes I got rejected by all girls. First I was super shy but later I didnt care. I tried to dance with about 20 girls.
Next week I will try again. I wasnt alone though, a good friend was with me. And he was the one who gold me my dancing was embarassing. I catched some girls laughing , pronably about my dancing but who cares.
I am pretty proud that I at least managed to overcome my fears. Still gfless though and pretty lonely
>>17316223
Identified two issues
there's good news and bad news
good news:
>you appearence is not one of the issues
bad news:
>your personality is apparently not interesting, >you are approaching girls on Facebook which basically signals a girl you're a loser,
>it sounds like you can't keep a conversation with her either - (probably for lack of humour or social skills)
>you sound pretty unaware of the social situation you're in, you can't calculate the actual distance between you and her, or infer what she thinks about you.
In short, probably a fragile person with lack of self esteem, low to mediocre self-awareness, and moreso - a person without "character".
I doubt I can help without seeing how you interact with people but that's something I will never get a glimpse of anyway.
As a suggestion I recommend you start being around popular people who are in the middle of social groups and have a defined character whom you can learn from. Note their acting, what makes them a social attraction etc and try to establish a character for yourself.
By that you will:
a)hopefully learn some social skills,
b)develop a "character" for yourself, one that is effective in social gatherings
c)learn how to react to people in a way that will promote yourself.
d)raise your self-esteem
learning. learning. learning. If you do not posess social awareness you can achieve it.
>>17319753
forgot to edit "two issues" to "three"
>>17319753
Wow, but its so fucking much work just to get some pussy. Honestly I'm starting to doubt wether its really worth it.
I honestly dont enjoy being around a lot people and I doubt I ever will.
But thanks, I'm gonna try to incorporate your tips. About your Humor thing, a lot of people say that I got nice humour and make good jokes. But I doubt that I am the same around girls\strangers.
And one of my problems may be that Im basicly perma sarcastic, a lot of people probably get it the wrong way?
>>17319784
Another thing that may be super weird, but I'll be honest about it. I never really fell in love with any girl in my life. I found girls attractive, but there never was this one girl I wanted to spend a lot of time with. Is too abnormal?
You need a wingman my friend.
>>17319784
its not to fuck some girl, but also to get you friends and very likely a happier life.
Go seriously, search for a social-attraction-sort-of person you know, and learn what he does. High self-esteem bundled with charisma (which is aquireable) and a personal "vibe" (that includes his/her mannerisms, reactions, facial and bodily expressions) is usually what comes packaged in such people, its what draws others to them.
There are also a few handy YouTube videos (like Charisma on Demand)
Now about humour - everyone from every part of the social spectrum can land on nice jokes from time to time.
Not everyone can communicate these jokes without harming his own personal image, and not everyone can communicate jokes to people who are actually 'worthwhile'.
You probably know the feeling when you joke a few times and somebody totally gets you and then you make another joke (perhaps to someone else) and they suddenly blow the wind out of your sails so hard you cringe. (i.e when you make a sarcastic joke to someone and instead of laughing that person assumes you're a weirdo).
^ the above can be avoided when you learn to manuever with people. When you build a strong, charismatic, defined character for yourself. You suddenly know how to get comfortable with everyone, you suddenly can let an otherwise cringy moment slide by because you are 'defined' and 'strong' enough (as a social personality).
Also, specific advice - there's cool sarcastic humour and there's nerdy sarcastic humour.
If your sarcasm in any way resembles something sarcastic on TV, stop it.
>>17316223
>Wtf is wrong with me.
Asking that is whats wrong with you.
Lonely ? Get a dog..
>Best friend for life
>Loyal companion
>Will bask in your love and affection
>>17316223
up close you look pretty good, but in the thumbnail it looks like you have a bad case of male resting bitch face. it might be the shape of your eyebrows or something, idk. but maybe that's putting some people off? not sure what you can do about it though, sometimes people look better or worse far away than they do up close.
>>17319886
>its not to fuck some girl, but also to get you friends and very likely a happier life.
this. if you do it just to get pussy, it's pretty obvious that that's why you're doing it. once you get fixated on getting pussy, that fixation almost starts to feed on itself and before you know it there's spaghetti everywhere. idk why it's that way, but it is.
make a conscious choice to focus on other areas of your life. it's okay to still want girls and go after them, but you can't make that your main thing or you will reek of desperation. instead, focus on being the person *you* want to be. as in
>what career do you want
>how many friends do you want (and what kind)
>what skills and hobbies and stuff you want to pursue
>what do you want your values and ethics to be, and how do you live by those
working on those things is what builds genuine confidence. faking it is easier in the short term, and to some extent you can and should fake it til you make it. but you should also be working on genuinely making it.
it will take some time but you will get better quality girls - and I mean both relationships and flings/casual - than you will ever get by just following PUA stuff.
>>17320004
Im working on myself very hard and am achieving my goals. Problem is, none of my goals is being more sociable\having more friends. This is, because I dont enjoy it that much. Only reason I would want that is, to have sex, there is literally no other reason for me. I have some very good friends, and they are more than enough for me. One other Problem is, these friends I habe are the oposite of Party goers lol.
