how often do people in relationships think about leaving their SO and pursuing someone they met recently?
i met a very attractive girl at my internship today. she's rather intelligent (ivy league UG, med school, kind of intimidating tbhfam), petite, respectful, and overall like a decent person. since today was her first day she was required to follow the more experienced interns around and observe. there were roughly seven of us in today and the director explained that she is meant to follow any intern on any call to get acclimated. she followed me on every single call that i had and it seemed we both enjoyed conversing with one another. i noticed that she would purposely avoid going on calls with others and jump at the opportunity to follow me. it was very cute and i certainly didn't mind the company.
however, i'm in a relationship currently and have been for 1.5 years. i think my gf is attractive but she has some things to work on. there are certain things about her work ethic and willpower that cause a lot of frustration. sex life is dysfunctional. she's sweet but can be quite difficult to handle from time to time when she's stressed over things i would consider petty.
i understand i know effectively nothing about this new girl but that feeling of wanting to take a risk instead of staying in a relationship that may be a big source of frustration for me seems almost worth it? i do care about my SO though. my current relationship is my longest, most serious, and essentially my first real romantic relationship. i've found myself thinking a lot about this new girl though.
>>17315321
The new girl could be shy, chose you on a call and didn't want to really mess with anyone else. I wouldn't read into it much more than her initially viewing you as someone she felt she could trust.
But hey, you could be onto something, but should you pursue it? Don't put yourself in a "position of power" and start making moves on anyone, if it occurs naturally, so be it; but it's not risking your hard work for at this stage (if ever).
>>17315340
isn't that a pretty big deal? gaining the trust of an individual upon first meeting them? i don't think it was trust necessarily, all the interns are very nice people and seem genuine. her shadowing me on every call that she was able to just felt very purposeful. i know i would do the same if i was remotely interested in someone or just someone i liked.
i don't understand this "position of power" thing. you're saying don't make a move ever? i feel like being proactive when it comes to pursuing a person you're interested in is very important.
the conundrum is whether or not it's worth risking for a chance at something better. i don't necessarily mind being single. this new girl seems real nice. i care about my SO a lot.
i'm not sure.
>>17315321
As of recently, Ive been thinking of leaving my wife of 9 years. Shes got some serious mental problems. Ive been helping her deal with it but I can only take so much more. Plus Ive met someone who I have completely fallen for, and I really think shes into me aswell. so yeah, I think about leaving quite a bit. you're not alone
>>17315372
>Plus Ive met someone who I have completely fallen for
i think that no matter who youre with youre gonna have these feelings. there are simply too many people in the world to only ever be interested in one. the way i see it, the only way shit'll be stable is if you pick someone youre interested in (or at least like) and stick with them. the butterfly "love" feeling will always fade so there isnt really a point in jumping from girl to girl
though the mental problems would throw me off. whyd you marry her if she had mental issues?
>>17315368
"Position of power"; someone who has authority/seniority over another in a work/educational environment and makes a sexual advance.
Eg., don't get fired, sued, and potentially damage your career over the false notion that someone is crushing on you when they are merely following directives.
Source: Lawyer
>>17315372
my gf is kind of fucked in the head. lots of issues with stress management, anxiety and panic issues stemming from a sexual assault, etc.
i thought i was ready for something like this but i don't think i am, at least not indefinitely. i need her to work on things and better herself and i've been there to encourage and support her but i can't do it for her. it doesn't feel like she wants to do the work and put in the time. i think she's content with the idea of being fucked up and having me there to pick up the pieces.
this new intern seems to have her shit together from a surface reading. she's really fucking cute too. i suppose i'm just hoping that if i were to enter a new relationship that it'd be less work though i'm sure it would just be different work.
>>17315383
i see.
two of the other interns that have been there much longer than me both wanted me to "go for it." they were trying to find ways of getting me and her to spend more time together. i'm not sure where it came from but they're pretty "brotherly." i think they saw me and her as a good match. we're in the same age range, she's going off to med school while i'm starting a PT program, we're both of the same ethnicity, and etc.
i don't know when i'll see her again but i know what department she'll be in most of the week. it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes for me to stop by and say hello, ask her for her number or just out on a date.
if i were to pursue this i would have to break up with my current SO though.
Feeling bored and thinking about other girls is a normal part of a relationship. No relationship is perfect, it's always work, there's always bullshit, so it's normal to see something shiny and new, and want it. But you'd just be trading your problems for new ones.
It's hard to say without knowing more. You've only been together a year and a half, so maybe you should break it off if you're having serious doubts at this point.
>>17315589
i understand. i think they call it NRE (new relationship energy) and it's very appealing.
what i'm trying to figure out is if moving on to this new girl has the potential to produce a better, healthier, more fulfilling relationship in the end.
my current SO, again, has issues. i carry frustrations around pertaining to her lack of commitment to solving those issues. and again, our sex life being slightly dysfunctional is a big thing for me but we're not on the same page and her past muddles things a lot.
1.5 years feels like a big deal to me because of how inexperienced i am with romantic relationships. i don't know how it feels to find a new infatuation and how to determine what that means. i typically don't fall for just every pretty face. the last time i felt this way about a girl was when i met my current SO. i've met plenty of women at my internship and elsewhere over the past 1.5 years. many of them have been attractive, others have been available, others have been interested, some all three, but i didn't pursue them cause even with how fucked my current relationship can get i was still happiest here.
>>17315382
sorry for the late reply. when i married her she was normal. its just over the course of the last 5 years or so where she refuses any intimacy, is always screaming at the kids, breakdowns ect ect
>>17315561
my wife is the same way. ive brought up her issues so many times and all she does is "promise" to fix things. im at my wits end.
>>17315691
that's what is bothering me as well.
my gf is like this now. i know relationships get more difficult as time goes on. i'm worried about how she might end up if she continues down her current path. i haven't been able to get her on a better one despite my efforts.
i understand my current SO and relationship. i know where it's likely going to end up. i don't think i'm happy about the idea of staying and seeing it happen.
