How do I get "brass balls", nerves of steel, Etc? I'm very conscious of my surroundings, and get anxious easily, I think because I have a very high level of empathy and a large and I guess overused conscience. Before, I used to think that the only way to be confident, secure, and more still work was to always do the honest thing so you would never have anything to worry about since you were always in the run. But then I realized there's tons of dishonest people that are able to be "hard" and calm cool and collected in situations where most people wouldn't be.
>>17314803
The only way your personality is going to be influenced is through life experiences. You won't develop brass balls if you keep to yourself and you aren't challenged in some way. Conflict will either force you to change or you will fail. Plain and simple.
>>17314842
Understandable, so how old do I do that intentionally?
>>17314863
Depends.
How old are you?
What do you do for a living?
Where are you as far as schooling goes?
How adverse to activities such as contact sports, Greek life, or military service are you?
>>17314873
I'm 25, currently waiting tables. I'm 25, currently waiting tables. Went to community college face about 75% of a degree then stop going after got too hard. Not really interested in the military, just because politics. I thought about starting to box at the gym, but the more I read up on it, the more people advised not to as it's just unnecessary drama to the especially to the head.
>>17314873
not OP but what is greek life that sounds neato
>>17314894
>25
You'll be a little bit of a late bloomer, but that's okay.
>Waiting Tables
Is this a part time gig or do you have nothing else to fall back on/pursue?
>Community college
That's a good start, at this point I would start saving your pennies or try picking up another job to help pay for it.
>Boxing
Boxing actually would do a great job of forcing you to nut-up. On the head trauma piece, that's usually after years and years of getting hit in the head. You could try judo or Brazilian jujitsu as well.
The goal here for you should be to push yourself. When you overcome something you previously thought you may not have been able to do (like boxing) it's a huge confidence builder and it makes you that much tougher.
I became an EMT and that pretty much eliminated any opportunity for me being a bitch... I was a huge bitch before but now I really don't care about a whole lot. I sort of learned to shut down the anxious part of my mind out of pure necessity...maybe try some intense work where things could go really wrong really fast.
>>17314900
Fraternities, sororities etc.
A "greek" person is involved in these organizations. Typically these orgs will have a pledging process that is meant to challenge you and prove to the members that you can cut it. I pledged. Yes I got hazed. Yes, it made me tougher. And it's made me more confident than anyone else in the room.
I don't think your actual goal should be to get "brass balls". If you want to be calm and cool all the time pop some xanax idk. Instead you should take your anxiety and flip it around to your advantage. Note that this strategy isn't going to work if you're debilitatingly anxious with a "normal" amount it could work. For example I get anxious when presenting or doing public speaking like most people. However I try to focus on the positive effects of anxiety, such as a boost of energy, to hype myself up and get excited and into what I'm going to do. When trying new things or meeting new people I just let express my anxiety outward, not only does it make me more comfortable, it usually comes of as positive/engaging/enthusiastic and then soon it's how I feel in a comfortable manner.
I know this is probably not useful in all situations and kind of counteracts the calm part a bit so it may not be helpful. It's just another way to look at it I suppose.
Just a guess, but most people are probably born with little confidence, and don't have balls of steel. After years of constantly pushing themselves and acting outside of their zone of comfort, though, confidence becomes second nature to them and they don't have to think about it anymore or push themselves to be strong willed.
So you literally just have to overcome your fear every time. You'll think what you're doing is stupid and that you'll fail - and you probably will. But just do it in spite of yourself. Even if your knees are trembling, just take full control and force yourself to do it.
Obviously don't do stupid shit that's actually dangerous to your life; you have to logically consider the consequences of your actions first (as in, way before you actually have to do the thing you are planning). Then, when you are ABOUT to do the thing, DON'T think about it. Don't back out of it no matter what.
You can't plan everything perfectly, so even then, you are going to fail sometimes. Realize that this is a temporary thing, and don't focus on the outcome - you are here for the long game. After looking back at your decision with 20/20 hindsight, determine whether it was correct. If it wasn't, change your tactics. If it was, keep doing what you did, and in the long run, you will achieve success.
