Give me some advice, /adv/.
Recently, my significant other has been "distant" for lack of a better term.
It started about 2-3 weeks ago, when she suddenly started to seemingly ignore my texts. She would talk to other people and use Facebook, basically anything but talk to me.
I talked to her about it, and she said she was just busy. I thought the answer was bogus, but I have her the benefit of the doubt and just accepted the answer. It kept continuing, so I asked again. This time, she said that she just hasn't felt like talking to people lately. I thought this answer was bogus too, and I pointed out how she has been talking to her other friends and even skyping friends. I then told her that she can talk to me when she wants to again. She stopped talking to me for 2 days. After those 2 days, she texted me again saying that she just needed some space. I accepted that answer, and she started acting normal again, and I thought everything was back to normal.
I was wrong. She's started ignoring me on some occasions. When I asked to hang out, she said "we'll see" and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.
The next day when I asked if she wanted to Skype, she ignored me for the rest of the day. Sometimes I won't even ask to do anything and she'll ignore me.
I'm not sure what's going on. I told her that we need to talk when she gets off work today, so I'm waiting on that.
And advice? Opinions?
>>17306959
Is this an online relationship?
"Yes" - Find a RL girl.
"No" - Stop treating it like one.
>>17306977
It's not.
What exactly do you mean stop treating it like one? I'm not doing that?
How long have you been together? Is this something that you've sunk years into? If not, I think maybe have one more talk with her, explaining that she needs to be more responsive so you don't end up wasting your days waiting on the slim chance she'll want to be with you.
>>17307019
Almost a year. That's the current plan. Want me to report back when that happens?
>>17307035
Yes please. Also, is there any stress at her job or school that could be the source? That will dictate how you approach the talk. I would also not initiate contact for a week or 2 after you have this talk. Let her text or call first. Just do your own thing and make your own plans. If she shows an effort to spend time with you then return the sentiment. This is a trial period to see if she is genuine about being with you or only paying lip service.
>>17307060
She has stress at work, but she says she loves her job.
But that sounds like a plan. If she doesn't take any initiative after a while, should I just end it?
>>17306959
Somethings wrong in the relationship. She's either second guessing it for her own reasons or actively thinking about another guy. Or girl. Who knows. The fact that she won't talk to you is the worst sign possible. Get to the fucking bottom of it whatever it is or cut and run before something worse happens.
>>17307104
Tell us how it went please
I'm in a very similar situation
but it's not a relationship, it's only a normal friendship thing
would like to use the thread to ask for advice too
so I got this friend and we were really best friends for several years, we know each other for a bit more than 10 years now
we used to hang out for hours on end each day, mainly over the internet eventhough we live in the same place, but occasionally we'd go to the movies or drink a coffee together or something
so and now for about a year she seems really distant
she met a few new people at her uni and made quite a group of friends there
she barely talks to me anymore and it sometimes feels like we wouldn't talk at all if it wasn't for me trying really hard to stay in contact
sometimes she answers, sometimes she just ignores my messages
everytime I ask if she wanted to hang out, no matter what activity or when and where, she just pulls up some excuse to avoid it
I'll be honest, I really feel heartbroken and can't imagine losing her as a friend. It's the best friendship I ever had and I don't know how it came so far, if I did anything wrong or
I feel like I have to have an honest talk with her, but how do I approach her about something like this if she already acts so distant? Will she even bother?
>>17306959
"we;'ll see" means she is not hanging out
and 2 days sounds like shes mad at you and is only talking to you again cause she missed you.
>>17307180
I asked her questions regarding our relationship. She said she still wanted to be with me and wouldn't have it any other way.
The only part that I questioned is when I asked if she was second guessing by chance, she said "not really".
Other than that she insists everything is okay. It's very weird.
About your friend, I'm sorry about that. I know the pain because of my situation. I would just have a straight up talk and ask if she still wants to have a friendship.
>>17307180
Because what, everyone is the exact same, so the outcome of OP's situation must have some relevance to yours?
Your "friend" isn't interested in you. She found other people whose company and conversation she prefers. Don't you have something worth doing instead of worrying about this? Go make some other friends.
>>17307231
There's something very autistic about your post. If you don't see how this can be similar I'm sorry, go read a book.
>>17307219
The way you describe your relationship it sounds like it's an online, long distance relationship where you don't actually spend any time with her. If I had a girlfriend who didn't want to see me for two or three weeks I would assume she's no longer my girlfriend.
>>17307219
Wasn't really a long talk, was it?
>>17307245
I attempt to spend time with her but she's never able to. When she is able to, she just doesn't feel like going anywhere. She's a lazy person.
>>17307250
Nope. If something is wrong then she definitely refuses to admit somethings wrong.
Also she had stuff to do in an hour so she couldn't talk long.
>>17307264
Are you okay with that though? It's alright to need more physical intimacy and have someone who is willing go go out from time to time. If she's not delivering then you're well within your rights to cut loose.
Fuck, I had exactly the same thing happen to me. She denied anything was wrong for about a month, until she broke down and cried and admitted she fell out of love with me, and we broke up. I wish she had the balls to tell me instead of blaming school and work for a whole month
>>17307310
I don't like it, but I don't want to end it over that.
>>17307331
That might be the case with me. There's another guy she's close with, they talk a lot, share political views, etc.
she doesnt find enjoyment in talking with you. she doesn't want to face chat because it's harder to bail on the conversation (you can only blame connection failure so many times).
honestly, it sounds like she's trying to dump you.
she's weak because she doesn't like confrontation, she's a liar because she's telling you everything is alright when you both know it's not, and she's selfish because she's just stringing you along.
she's talking to you less and less because she thinks it will soften the blow of you being dumped and she won't feel as guilty/shitty for dumping you.
stop wasting your time with her.
>>17307384
I'm sorry to be that guy, but you should check her phone or mails, whatever you have access to. 80% of all the stories you'll hear from people who have been cheated on start with "she/he was behaving cold/disinterested/angry" for the last months/weeks of our relationship"
>>17307453
I would but I don't have access to any of that. We don't do the whole share our account information stuff.
Yeah OP... just cut it now man. It'll be easier on you.
>>17307833
It sounds like something I should do, but I probably won't.
On the off chance that she actually still does want to be with me, that would be a bad move.
I'll just wait until she ends it. I'll try and prepare myself.
>>17307413
This
>>17308272
Don't wait till she decides to end it, dump her today! There is a big chance she's already found someone else and is just trying to slowly cut you out of her life and completely ghost your ass in the end.
In a month or two she is prolly gonna ignore you completely and one day you'll see her walking around town with someone else. This break up will be easier on both of you if you man up and just dump her. Trust me, I was in this EXACT situation 4-5 years ago, and I wish I had the insight and guts to break up before she went totally silent on me and started dating someone else.
