I've been in a relationship for about 5.5 years with my boyfriend.
I've gone through periods of insecurity in the relationship. Generally around the beginning. Just because relationship was new and trust wasn't secured.
We've had a really great few years. No arguments, lots of passion and affection.
I realized over the past couple of months, I've gotten insecure again. There are a few catalysts to this.
1. I took on a new job for more hours and more money
2. Boyfriend hangs out with his coworkers more often. He fills me in on all their drama (how they all fuck people at work, cheat on their SOs)
3. Sex life is lowering. We're both tired from work. We still have sex like 4 times a week, but it's still less.
4. Boyfriend guards his snapchat like it's the holy grail. If I walk in on him on his phone, he gets flustered and quickly exits apps and clicks facebook really fast.
Any time I attempt to talk about it, just to get that reassurance I'm looking for, he just says "we're fine" and moves on. Which, I guess isn't something new. That's how he handles most things. I still get some aching feeling that something isn't right.
I don't know if it's just me. What do I have to do? I've been feeling kind of down on myself lately. I guess,not dressing how I used to or taking care of myself how I used to. I bought some new clothes and want to doll myself up more (because that somehow makes me feel better), but lately bf doesn't want to go out anymore. Nowhere I can wear a dress and feel pretty and attractive to him.
I don't know what to do. Sorry for my rambled post. This is just weighing down on me. wat do
>>17304751
After 5.5 years and still sex 4 times a week? Thats still a fucking lot. I see no problems here.
Snapchat is weird; maybe he is getting inappropriate msg but that doesn't mean he'll act on them. Snapchats are for attention whores, both males and females.
>>17304765
So how should I settle my insecurities?
I suddenly feel like I'm lacking so much self confidence and relationship confidence. I feel like I'm wearing it smack on my face.
>>17304751
Sounds normal for that length of time... Besides the snap chat. Tell him you don't want to look through his shut, but you're not an idiot and think it's really weird and just want to know why.. Maybe he has female friends on there sending selfies and shit and thinks you'll be jealous. I've clocked out of my phone really fast when my boyfriend came in because I don't want him to see me on 4chan and Reddit and make fun of me lol
>>17304751
The only thing you say which is a serious red flag is when he ditches the social media in a hurry whenever you are around. That's never a good sign. I rarely encourage spying, but I wouldn't blame you if you searched his phone at an opportune moment.
>>17304765
>4 times a week
>a lot
Have you even been in a sexual relationship before?
The snapchat thing is weird OP. There shouldn't be a reason why he's acting all fidgety and won't discuss it with you and it's probably not good. Your life has changed and the relationship has changed to reflect it. It's entirely possible with all the extra time he's found while you're working he's found someone else.
You've got a lot of shit you need to hash out, relationships can't survive without communication from both parties.
>>17304774
Every time I see him on snap chat, it's never someone sending him pics, it's always messages. I've only glanced. Not enough to see who it is. He's always just typing. Like someone is replying to his snaps, I guess.
I mean, I do the same too. I delete my browser obsessively. It's more because I don't want my bf to see how I'm just on /adv/ posting advice and vague things about myself.
But like, snapchat is where you talk to people you know, yenno?
>>17304782
I've honestly been so tempted, but he takes it everywhere. Even when he showers.
>>17304789
We work at the same time. So we see each other outside of work most days of the week and all weekend. Maybe 1-2 nights out of the week, he goes out with coworkers or friends. Before he used to dread talking to coworkers and refused to see them out of work. And I just try to hold my shit together when he goes out with the guys and the girls because those girls are like, fierce turbo sluts from what he's told me.
The only downside to me working these hours are: I'm tired more often, and I stopped bringing him lunch to work everyday. Which was a very special thing to us, I think. We'd eat dinner together most days of the week.
>>17304793
Yeah, I think we all like our privacy and just feel strange having our SO look over my browser history.. But if you're in the middle of typing a message and he just freaks out (especially if you don't even look) then that's weird. He could just be funny about privacy or be embarrassed to show what he's saying but I would try talking about it more
>>17304809
Do you think I should say something like, "Jeez what was that about?" when he like flinches and stuff when I see him on his phone?
Or could that be too passive aggressive? Or maybe even too passive?
>>17304807
And I had an epiphany after reading this again. I think he's talking more to coworkers because I don't visit him on his lunch break anymore. Now he hangs out with them at his lunch time and probably why they invite him out a lot.
