I have a different story than you but with lots of parallels (including meds making me nuts) and a similar end result.

big picture:
>keep trying to better yourself. yes you have limitations but don't be too hard on yourself, you can do what you can do.
>pick some way to better yourself and stick with it, take it slowly but always be making progress
for example I needed to drop weight, took me a long time but I did it, now I'm working on my posture to help with some chronic pain
>for the mood, I have no advice, other than try to keep your head up and take a multivitamin and eat well - it helps a bit. overall I'm still very depressed though and feel numb like you, so haven't figured that out yet.

So i'd say start slow and pick some way to improve your life, within your limitations, and head that way. You do that for years and you might be surprised how far you go.

>>17302962

thank you friend, it's definately true that the attitude of finding worth in any small goal helps

but it's hard to take pleasure to anything anymore, as i'm just..dead, angry all the time, and far stupider than i was

>>17302970
Yeah, I'm not sure how to get there either. I think making those small improvements helps a bit, but, I'm not going to lie and say it has helped me less feel depressed and numb. I'm objectively getting better (weigh less, no longer a NEET, etc), but, I don't feel better.

I think feeling better would probably come from changing our thinking. I went to a shrink for a while and she was big on this cognitive behavior therapy. It never really helped me, I think it's a bit of a ruse, but some people claim they were helped by it. It has a lot to do with changing your thinking (thoughts control feelings which control behaviors and all around that circle).

I'd for sure say avoid any psych meds/SSRIs or any of that shit, those made me even more numb and zombie like. Tried a bunch of them. Also very hard to quit.

Hopefully someone else will chime in about your inability to feel pleasure, maybe I could learn something there too.

>>17303133

i've been reading a lot of psychotherapy books
like the OLD stuff, freudian influenced stuff. i know everyone laughs at them but they have some serious insight - the CBT stuff just seems so inane and boring in comparison. I think there really is something to theorists like kohut, or rd laing (the latter espcially, and you owe yourself to read them if you at all feel like me.) they're insight is so powerful it sort of, for a moment, jolts you out of your old perceptions, and sort of allows you to have that glimmer of a sense that things could be different, something which is v crucial.

meditation as well, something called aro-tger, i'm following one of their programmes, and again, it's really *insightful* as to how you're mind works. it's not just like, paired down modern meme stuff. it's hard to describe this stuff without seeming like a kook but it's honestly just a perfectly legitimate thing that we're filled with utterly insane hidden biases and framing effects that shape the way we feel.

>>17303183
I never had much luck with either. It's interesting stuff, but, from an actual making progress standpoint I haven't had luck with psychodynamic nor CBT. I've been in therapy for years too. I quit last year finally and can't say I've been any worse. In some ways I feel more normal since I'm not in therapy, if that makes sense.