>Gf of 2 1/2 years ends it
>Very sudden
>No arguments for months prior to breakup
>Her reason verbatim was "I don't know, we have nothing in common"
>I become sad
>Look for internet advice
>Tells me "no contact, socialize, work on self"
>That was 2 months ago
>Have not contacted
>Have worked on self
For these past months I have been working out harder, socializing a lot more and pushing myself in multiple aspects of my life. I am much happier than I was, I still push myself in every way and I'm moving on.
That being said, I still miss her.
I have things I still plan to do/accomplish before even thinking about initiating contact, but that being said, should I even entertain the idea of reaching out to her?
I know this is a common topic here, but please give me some explanation to your opinion on the matter; I don't want to tally up "yes's" and "no's" to decide. I want to hear your thoughts.
>2 months
lol amateur
>>17299699
So how long would you suggest I wait?
>>17299789
>how long should I wait
You entertaining the idea that you even want to rekindle some sort of contact with her is he problem. Just remove that idea and move on.
Bumping for real advice.
>>17299696
how did u meet her op, was it difficult, did u have to deal with exes?
How often did you argue?
how often did you get sex, how old are you two?
>>17299844
>you entertaining the idea that you even want to rekindle some sort of contact with her is the problem.
She was not a shitty girlfriend. We had differences, but I believe that she and I were a good fit. She bettered me as a person and I bettered her.
>Move on
I am. And if things went south when I tried to contact her, I would accept that. Doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to try again. I know that dwelling is unhealthy, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm just trying to give something I think had potential a second chance.
>>17299881
>How did you meet her?
Met her at a party in college.
>Was it difficult?
I'm not sure I understand. It wasn't difficult talking to her, no. But in the last months, she started becoming a lot more quiet.
>How often did we argue?
We had a couple pretty big arguments, but those were a while back (i.e. a year before break up). We had small spats here and there, but nothing major. Last couple months were quiet. Last month of relationship was too quiet.
>How often did you get sex
We were doing long distance for about a year. I saw her once a week. Per 4 visits, I would say 2 of them would involve sex. That is until the last month or so. She started getting distant.
>>17299883
>I know that dwelling is unhealthy but that's not what I'm doing
Yea that's actually exactly what your doing. You need to delete all her shit and move on.
Prioritize other women and facets of your life. Eventually you'll either get over her via a other woman or excelling in work or hobbies, or the no contact will make her miss you.
Even then though, do you really want a girl who will use you like a yo-yo?
Well would you prefer to move on and one day find someone else, maybe something better or attempt to reachkout to her and possibly begin some high again, bare in mind she might disappoint
>>17299929
>Yea that's actually exactly what your doing. You need to delete all her shit and move on.
I'm going on dates, I'm making new friends and I'm planning social activities often.
There is a difference between "she's my only hope for happiness" and "hey she wasn't a bad option. Why not try again?".
>>17299945
I've been going on dates, but they haven't been great matches. It's not that I'm giving up on that front, I'm just entertaining another option.
>bare in mind she might disappoint
I think that's what I'm mostly preparing for. There's still a high chance she just doesn't want to be with me. If that's the case, then there's not much I can do.
What I'm curious about is how to approach a scenario leading to that in the first place. How do I know it's the right time? How do I test if I'm secure enough in my new life to see her again?
>>17299929
>do you really want a girl who will use you like a yo-yo?
Forgot to respond to this part. How was I used?
1 month after losing 3 year ship love of my life
this is how I feel already
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEHSRgwvbcI
Listen OP and sing along
Over 7 months in over here, still fucked. Working 60+ hours per week kind of helped, though.
>>17299967
Confirming, work is a nice place to go to in such times. I never enjoyed it so much.
There are people, there is shit you can focus on, there is time to kill.
I spend rest of my time on /adv/, this also helps but sometimes I fell like I'm getting to much sucked into this board.
just know that doing things like that is the best medicine and, just like a cold, you will feel bad for ages until you wake up one day and feel like a whole new person. also, read up on stoicism - its great!
>>17299964
>1 month after losing love of my life
>Video about "fuck bitches!"
Don't take this personally, but this is a phase of grieving; I did the same thing where I just felt like I was on cloud nine and I was too good for her.
The point is your still focusing on her. I'm not too far ahead of you in my grieving process, but while the breakup saddens me, I'm starting to accept we may never be with each other again.
I suggest trying to get rid of animosity towards her and instead replacing it with new memories of people still in your life.
>>17299980
>Doing things like that
Like what? I'm just asking how I should know when I'm supposed to contact her?
>>17299978
>Work is a nice place to go in such times
Still trying to get into my passion work. Just recently graduated, so sadly I'm still just doing minimum wage BS.
But I love the people I work with and it has helped.
>>17299983
I kinda know about this grieving thing but I think you've dug too deep into this.
I'm also past animosity, I just laugh at this and I really like to listen to this song when I do.
Yeah, feels return sometimes, and I sometimes feel dead inside but it does not disturb my daily functioning or feeling of joy in life stuff. As long as it's like this, I can feel the feels till the rest of my life, I don't care about this much.
>>17299993
I'm the 60+ hours anon. I took a 1099 commission-only sales job, so I was able to work as much as I wanted. I'm perfectly comfortable talking to strangers, though, so YMMV
Man its a long process to get over a bad break up. Don't feel bad though! Just cause its long doesnt mean its all bad. It gets a little easier everyday, with some days as highs and others as lows. You'll never think its getting easier but it is, eventually you have days where you don't think about it at all, then the next day you realize this and it feels nice.
My ex took me on a fucking wild ride of emotional manipulation, the worst break up I ever had. She was nuts. But 6 months later I actually started dating another girl, and a year later I fell in love with this one and forgot about the old one most of the time. Now its a year and a half later and I feel so good now, never think about my ex.
Breaking up is a process, the best things you can do are just do positive things for yourself like working out (even just a little like yoga, you don't need the get /fit/) and not doing things that remind you of her. DONT text her, DONT drunk text/call her. They just keep you in her pocket, even if she isnt try to do so. You'll get better man, we all do
>>17300706
different anon here, i've been in an on/off rollercoaster ride with my first gf ever, who happens to suffer from BPD. the last 2 years of my life have been constant ups and downs, months of not talking and then getting back together fora few weeks and then ending it again and just this weekend, we're ending again. this time feels different though, i'm starting to see that her affliction is never going to change, her choices are just so fucked up and evil...i'm starting to let go, but it hurts to admit it.
>>17299924
well i'd say the distance was the problem. Once a week for one year is pretty bad, she likely didn't feel it progressing anywhere because of the distance. You probably weren't going to move and she wasn't either.
In the same boat as OP, kinda.
It's been one year since I've heard from her and some of the last things she said involved seeing me in her future and that kind of shit. I'm still so torn up; a whole lot better than I used to be, but still fucked.
I've slept with so many other cute girls and travelled and all that and I'm still so caught up and emotional over this girl. Not sure what to do besides just accept it. I'm too scared to reach out at the moment, I know I'm not ready and haven't bettered myself enough yet, but when? sigh.
Everyone deals with it differently.
I'm getting close to about 9 months for an ex I was with for almost 8 years, and I'm not remotely 'over' her but I've also never entertained any ideas about getting back together with her. I just miss her what she brought to my life, and still have a strong desire to protect her and help her when I shouldn't be worrying about it.
But I'm also a huge emotional fag so that's probably it.
Well I'm on the same boat with you guys.
4 years relationship, broke up 4-5 months ago. I dated with someone for a month, also she did with someone else. We both broke up and I texted her that if we can do it again but the answer was no. I'm angry with her for many reasons but still missing her. Since we basically grew up together it's really hard for me. Trying to move on, but still some part of me wishes that she texts me.
>>17301188
Also, listen to this GoT soundtrack. Not helpful but pretty good when you think old times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIMc2t5EbTY
>>17299696
If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. You just need to let that sink in.
You may have fallen in love with her- but think about this objectively... She just decides to up and drop all contact with you instead of trying to work things out. Is that the type of girl you want to be with, OP?
>>17300906
That would make sense. Not to mention she always wanted to go out when we saw each other and I wanted to just be with her when we saw each other.
That really sucks to be honest because in another life this probably could have worked... Fuck I need a beer.
>>17301196
You're right. I know you are. I just am having a hard time accepting it. Hopefully I come to realize it before I do anything rash.
>>17299696
The longer you wait the better you'll feel, trust me. It's hard the first couple of months, but the longer time goes on, the invisible grasp that she has had on you slowly loosens. After a year you will not even think about her anymore. The main thing that helped me the most was finding a girl to replace her. Even if you don't want to find another girl, socializing is the next best thing.
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT contact her. That book is closed. You're over in another fucking book that is nothing about her and mostly about you. If you're really still thrown off by this, please give yourself some more time to come too terms with not having someone to cuddle with and keep on doing what you were doing. Sounds like you're making progress where you are now, why return to open the book that you closed and are done with just to skim the last few pages and make yourself sad all over again?
