My GF has a friend who she used to make really intense sexual jokes with. Hanging out with the guy for the first time, he made a sexual comment to her in front of me that made my jaw drop.
I didn't say anything about it until sometime later. I let her know that I don't understand their friendship and that the sexual comments are a bit much for me to put up with.
After the "we are just friends" speech, she relented and said, yes this crosses a line.
So I went and snooped on her and his insta and twitter and found out that they went to a few highly sexually charged events, that she suggested he be her boyfriend and all sorts of stuff like this.
Now I'm not proud of the fact that I went snooping but I feel like I'm in a "where there is smoke there is fire" sort of situation.
She maintains that they have curbed this sort of behavior, that they no longer really talk because she spends most of her time with me anyhow.
But I can't help but feel that this is more than just a friendship and these jokes are not merely jest.
I did get ugly and say I don't want her to be friends with someone who would disrespect our relationship like this, but I also don't want to be a controlling asshole.
I did her that I would be checking her/his social media and if something seems strange, she should know I would be aware and bringing it up. She interpreted this as a threat, but I really just meant to say I was suspicious and would be treating it as such.
What do I do? I'm 100% not ok with this kind of shit.
Its not really up to you who your girl is friends with buddy, you can tell her what makes you uncomfortable, but outright demanding who she can and can't hang out with is controlling man. On the flip side if she doesn't take what you say into account and at least try to limit what she does to push your buttons then she's a cunt who's not worth your time regardless.
>>17299208
Ofc she can be friends with the dude if she wants. Despite my initial feelings, I told her its fine and I can't make that choice for her. I'm just saying that there is a line of respect that shouldn't be crossed.
Clearly it was in this case and I think I have every reason to believe that they are interested in one another as more than just friends. But I still relented.
>>17299198
what was the sexual comment that made your jaw drop?
>>17299243
Something to do with fucking her and sending nude photos before hand to get her excited and wet.
>>17299247
ahhhh man no good at all, if this was in front of you its completely disrespectful and i'm surprised you didn't call him up on it at the time and beat his face in. You should ask your gf for complete honesty about their relationship and if it going to be problem. If shes vague or just a cunt about it i suggest just leaving her man. You don't want to get really attached then find out she fucked this guy behind your back cuz itll kill you. rest easy anon and goodluck
>>17299262
She says it's super platonic and there is nothing to be worried about.
I find that a hard pill to swallow if their exchanges are like this.
Now I don't like or trust this dude, nor do I love the idea of continuing a relationship where they go on like this.
She says it's not like that anymore but it's a hard really believe.
If it happens again, should I confront him?
Just drop her.
You are controlling and she puts the blame on you because of that.
All you are doing is giving her an excuse to blame you, no matter how fucked the situation is.
Either the guy is a twat that is toying with you and she doesn't care or she is cheating on you with him. Either way she doesn't care about how you feel.
>>17299284
shes already lying to you i think. Your gut feeling is right not to trust this guy. If its not like that anymore why would he make such a comment? Nah man you should not continue a relationship where you're disrespected constantly.
>>17299297
this guy said it bluntly but its the honest truth
>>17299297
Am I really being controlling for picking up on weird shit like this?
I doubt anyone would be OK with it.
What if the shoe was on the other foot? I doubt she would be OK with it.
>>17299297
How is he being controlling? If some random dick said that shit to my girlfriend I would have clocked him.
>>17299316
>>17299309
>I did get ugly and say I don't want her to be friends with someone who would disrespect our relationship like this,
>I did her that I would be checking her/his social media and if something seems strange, she should know I would be aware and bringing it up.
I'm not saying you don't have reason to feel that way but this is controlling.
>>17299337
Yeah. If you feel that way you should just leave her. You can fix unhealthy behavior with more unhealthy behavior. You monitoring her friends and life will just make her feel even more smothered and resentful and likely to go behind your back.
>>17299337
So what's the best thing I could have done?
And ignoring it isn't an option?
>>17299343
You cant*
OP, your relationship is already over.
You know that, right? You're a controlling asshole who threatened his girlfriend. You overreacted. Who do you think she wants to be with right now? Let it go.
>>17299344
Telling her it's a deal breaker. Tell her that you simply can't trust her anymore. If you feel the need to have access to her social media and monitor her friends then the relationship is fucked and she's not mature or trustworthy
>Hey you little slut I'm going to shoot my load inside your tight little pussy
>Oh my god anon he was obviously joking, you're being paranoid
>He's just my friend we barely even talk anymore I swear
>>17299353
Isn't that the ultimate form of controlling
>>17299368
I kinda feel this way. Like I'd be an idiot for not being suspicious.
>>17299376
durr
That doesn't give you the right to act like a prick and "get ugly" with her. She shouldn't have been allowing him to make these advances, but you kinda owe her an apology. Saying you'll be monitoring her is kind of fucked up, and would stress anyone out. It shows you don't trust her, and if you don't have trust, why be together? You need to talk this out if it's worth it
>>17299198
Just drop that bitch why do you pussywhipped faggots put up with this shit.
>>17299344
The thing to always understand is that you can't really control someone like that. People will do whatever THEY feel like doing, period. At some point in time when people finally mature into intelligent human adults, they come to realize this on some basic level.
The key is somehow convince someone to be able to empathize and understand your point of view to increase the likelihood that they will behave more like how you would like. Keep in mind that this does not mean manipulation.
On your specific situation: the easiest way to tackle it would be to assert that it doesn't feel great to experience it and then create hypothetical situation where the same thing happens in reverse and ask if that would bother her. Ultimately, you need her to find the answer on her own. She has a her own compass, she admitted that it seemed excessive. Basically you need her to be fighting herself and not YOU on what's right and wrong. By making yourself the villain you've drawn attention to yourself, instead.
>>17299552
Op here. Might be the best advice /adv/ has ever seen.
>>17299198
Bro. Just bro. You clearly don't trust this girl. So even if you don't find evidence of her cheating on you, then what do you have? A relationship with a girl you don't trust, who you'll always be second guessing, and trying to catch her doing shit. Why all the hassle? Wouldn't you rather just be in a relationship with someone you don't have to worry about her tripping and falling on some dude's dick? Something to think about.
>>17299705
This
get rid of her. I dumped my gf for the same reason, I couldn't trust her to go anywhere because she was a slut in her teen years
>>17299198
>they went to a few highly sexually charged events, that she suggested he be her boyfriend and all sorts of stuff like this
what the fuck else do you have to hear OP before you get it. There is something between them. The guy talking about fucking her in front of you is him marking his pussy and guess what she went with it. She should have been embarrassed as hell for the guy to say that in front of you and begged your forgiveness right before she told him to fuck off. Damn
>>17299198
>I did get ugly and say I don't want her to be friends with someone who would disrespect our relationship like this
OP this is not getting ugly but a fair comment to make. Your problem is she wants to be friends with a guy that will talk about fucking her in front of you. She made her decision already. No way I would have anything to do with a cunt like this.
>>17299198
>Hanging out with the guy for the first time, he made a sexual comment to her in front of me that made my jaw drop.
what did your gf say back to him and did she have any fucking reaction at all?
>>17299247
Lol wtf that's not a joke
They've obviously been fucking in the past.
>>17299198
ok dude first things first is: whenever you get a GF, you have to take her past in the ass.
in other words, theres nothing you can do about it - she fucked other guys in the past, she acted as a slut, whatever. you can't change that.
note: you can minimize damage by dating 18~20's but then you're less likely to gain from emotional intelligence / intercourse skills.
that said, what you can and totally should do is demand that she behaves properly from now on.
and this means respecting you.
in your scenario, and this is important, I would have reprimanded him ON THE SPOT, in a fair way, i.e.: "what the hell is this kind of comment dude? she's my girlfriend"
this is important because they will both recognize instantly that you will face when disrespected and will always avoid this kind of negative interaction
then afterwards when confronting your girlfriend I would reprimand the fact that she hangs out with ex boyfriend or whatever (yeah he probably fucked her) because the sexual tension between them makes me unconfortable.
if the agrees then she better cut ties and keep to her word
if she doesn't then it's time to go
simple as that
>>17299198
>Now I'm not proud of the fact that I went snooping but I feel like I'm in a "where there is smoke there is fire" sort of situation
You need to be 'not proud' of the fact that you're being cucked.
Why not just talk to her friend, straight up? Be cool though.
