Alright so I need some advice or something.
So my gf is polyamorous and I'm sure she has another partner.
About 3 months into our relationship she told me she started to have feelings for someone else and that she still loved me but she just felt bad because of those feelings because she knew it would hurt me and soon we talked it out and we were still together just the two of us. But earlier this month these feelings began to bother her even more to the point where she started wanting to commit suicide. This is when I told her that she could go on and date whoever else she wanted because I didn't want her to hurt herself anymore. I told her that it wouldn't bother me and if it did then it would be my problem. But since I am quite the emotional crybaby it has been bothering me lately and I can't help but feel jealous. This also seems to be tangling itself with my self worth issues and other things like that and it has been causing me much stress. I have been told by my friends that I should talk to her about it and I know I should but I am afraid of the outcome. Like what if she gets upset with me? What if she decides to leave me for this? What if she has to hurt herself again because of my own selfish reasons? I honestly feel so helpless right now and it's been so emotionally draining and I just need some advice and or some comforting words.
Thank you to those who read this I honestly feel a bit better saying this all.
Wew lad. You probably don't realize this, but you're in an abusive relationship.
>these feelings began to bother her even more to the point where she started wanting to commit suicide.
>I didn't want her to hurt herself anymore
>what if she gets upset with me?
>What if she decides to leave me for this?
>What if she has to hurt herself again because of my own selfish reasons?
This is all emotional abuse and manipulation. Threatening to harm yourself is as bad as threatening to harm someone else. If she truly felt that badly, she would just end the relationship.
All of this on top of how a mono and poly person being together will work as well as a gay and straight person, tells me that you need to leave. It's hard, but for the best.
stop. do not continue to pursue a relationship where your boundaries are crossed. it will not work. i understand that you are trying to make it work, but it does not make sense. how old are you two? i hope to dear god not older than 14, because she sounds 14 as all hell. you need to leave. this shit is ridiculous. it's not selfish. she is selfish, and i wouldn't be surprised if she was using the suicide/self harm as bait to get her way. how old are you?
You two just aren't compatible with each other. Just accept it and find another person to date.
You know what you have to do but you're afraid of leaving her. She left you and stopped caring about you a long time ago.
>>17297120
>these feelings began to bother her even more to the point where she started wanting to commit suicide
So her lust for getting dicked by someone else became so incredibly overpowering that it drove her to thoughts of suicide? She certainly sounds like a stable individual you'll want to spend the rest of your life with.
>>17297120
> Monogamous person with a poly gf
I didn't need to read further than the thread topic to tell you that you should break up with her ASAP
>>17297134
>>17297135
>>17297138
>>17297139
I don't believe that is really is emotional abuse nor that it's manipulation.
Honestly we are both emotionally unstable people and she's told me that she's willing to stay monogamous to me but I feel bad knowing she would have to hold in her feelings.
After all I have always encouraged her to do what she wanted and have expressed to her that I don't want to be one to hinder her.
I'm just afraid. She has really been the only one I have ever loved and she has grown an emotional dependency to me and I don't want to hurt her.
I just want to be in a loving relationship with her and I want to be able to talk to her about things like this.
I mainly just wanted advice on how to approach her with this.
God this is probably very stupid to you and I apologize.
>>17297120
Pretend you just read this thread from some another anon on the internet. Quit being a cuck because you're scared of being alone.
>>17297191
how old are you?
>>17297120
This is not a relationship which will ever work. You're deeply insecure, she's either incredibly unstable or extremely manipulative (or both), she wants to be poly and you do not. This will not work. Leave.
>>17297195
What good would telling you my age do?
>>17297191
>I don't believe that is really is emotional abuse nor that it's manipulation.
Because you are fucking stupid. That's also the reason you are even in this situation. There fact this is happening to you already illustrates you have impaired judgement. It's laughable that you think people here are wrong. If you know better, then fix your problem yourself, adshole.
>>17297333
I'm sorry that I'm stupid and I apologize for not thinking clearly.
I just want things to work out and so far everyone is only telling me to break up with my girlfriend.
I don't necessarily think people here are wrong but it's just that I don't want to believe that this is all true.
I only want to make things work out but it doesn't seem like I'm getting the advice I needed.
Sorry for making you upset, Anon.
>I mainly just wanted advice on how to approach her with this.
In this situation, just tell her how you feel. If it's ever going to work, and this is highly doubtful, but if you're ever going to actually make it work in a healthy way, it has to be with open and honest communication. Can't do that without sharing how you feel about the situation.
Jealousy is really such a twisting emotion though, I used to be like you and now I'm more like her and it's so much better letting go of these things. (easier said than done, of course)
>>17297120
>About 3 months into our relationship she told me she started to have feelings for someone else and that she still loved me but she just felt bad because of those feelings because she knew it would hurt me and soon we talked it out and we were still together just the two of us. But earlier this month these feelings began to bother her even more to the point where she started wanting to commit suicide.
This isn't poly. In polyamory, you accept the veto power that extant partners have over potential partners. Full stop. When a prospect gets vetoed, you distance yourself from that prospect, because that is how you survive. She failed to do that.
>This is when I told her that she could go on and date whoever else she wanted because I didn't want her to hurt herself anymore.
This isn't poly either. In polyamory, you do not give up your veto power. Ever.
I don't know what exactly you've got going on, OP, but poly it ain't. I'm not quite prepared to call it outright abuse, as >>17297134 does: I don't feel I have enough information to do that. But at the very least, your girlfriend is very, very confused about some things. Dangerously so, in the charitable interpretation.
I'm sorry but I think my advice here has to be to let her go. It's tough to tell if she's hurting you or you're hurting her or some of both, but either way, people are getting hurt in ways that are not going to be easily remedied. For both your sakes, that needs to end.
>>17297134
This is the correct answer. You are not at fault. She is. She is the one who broke the rules, not you.
Do not stick your dick in crazy. Get out of there right now!
>>17297120
you are being cucked. Show her what it feels like and become "polyamorous." There is probably a guide on tumblr somewhere about how to do that. Then when she eventually gets jealous, tell her you will stop fucking around if she does
>>17297404
Good advice.
Also OP, I would also suguest that you dabble into poly yourself. Not for the pleasure, but to see her reaction. My guess is she would become jealous and suicidal because she doesn't seem to consider your feelings and just wants to have the best of both worlds. I would be interested to see if she truly is okay with it or if you Expose her hypocrisy
This is cuck posting at its finest
>>17297404
Thank you, anon. This has brought me more comfort than these other anons.
I won't end it so soon though I will try to see what I can do about it.
Thank you though <3
another thread where OP ignores all advice, cherry picks cuck(poly) advice and then leaves. Fuck you OP, see you in 2 months when you're here again crying about how you tried poly but she still smashed you to pieces emotionally.
>>17297903
The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one
>>17297924
True words anon, true fucking words.
Some people have to learn the hard way though.
>>17297120
You're a pathetic cuck dude, what the hell
>What if she has to hurt herself again because of my own selfish reasons?
You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries, anon. A relationship isn't all about what one person wants, and you shouldn't be guilt-tripped into doing anything you're not comfortable with.
>>17297120
you OP are a doormat
