Hi /adv/
So me and my partner of 3 years separated about a year ago. Things went to shit after I found out that he had slept with someone else. But, I chose to try and accept it and move on because it was partly my fault due to my anxiety causing me to ignore him and isolating myself away from him (I even ignored him on his 31st birthday and he had to spend it alone in his apartment). Anyways, things started to get better then one night early hours of the morning i screamed at him in bed telling him he was just a cheater and so on... I know I'm pathetic. Anyways he broke up with me the next day and honestly it was a surprise but i took it pretty well at first and packed my stuff and I was out by that evening. A year later now and we've messaged each other pretty much every single day since I've left. (I moved back home 400km's away.) We call each other all the time and he tells me that he loves me and wants to go on dates and try to fix our relationship. I agree I want the same things but I really don't know how to act. I'm 21 now and my anxiety has gotten a lot better over the last year because I've had time to be with friends and really find myself. I really do believe this guy loves me and I wanna make things work but.
How can I make sure I won't become extremely anxious around him because of our past experiences? Should I have sex with him straight away or should I wait and see how things go. I'm so inexperienced with relationships I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by trying to mend something that was once so broken we had to separate.
Has anyone gotten back with an ex that you had big problems with and made it work?
>>17292149
>Has anyone gotten back with an ex that you had big problems with and made it work?
If you could make it work, they wouldn't have become your ex in the first place.
Did you mean his 21st birthday or are you actually dating a guy 10 years older than you?
>>17292178
It hurts to hear this, I just can't see it as true because why would we keep in contact pretty much everyday if there's no hope to fix it? Idk I understand what you're saying but surely someone out there has made it work.
>>17292185
I am 21 he is now 32
>>17292190
>surely someone out there has made it work
Surely someone out there has won the lottery. Why don't you spend all your money on it?
>>17292198
I honestly don't see the comparison between lotto and a relationship. Are you saying that relationships are based on luck of the draw and that compassion and love are irrelevant in this situation? It seems so many people see people as being an ex for a reason. Which is totally fine but if you keep in contact everyday then isn't there still something there? I guess I just didn't want to hear this but I'm glad you shared your opinion it's helped me gain a little perspective.
>>17292235
I'm not comparing relationships to the lottery. I'm comparing the odds.
>>17292149
Ignore him, get out and live. A previously failed relationship with a guy 11 years older will end in turmoil.
If I understand this correctly, the reason your relationship went downhill in the past was due to your anxiety/depression. This anxiety and depression is no longer an issue. Is this correct? If so, then there should be no reason as to why the relationship shouldn't work. Unless we are missing something.
Getting back together NEVER works. If you worked out, you wouldn't have broken up.
Don't waste your time on complex relationships like this when you are a baby. 21. Just have normal relationships and move on.
>>17292149
Don't go back to a cheater, he'll do it again. He's getting old and just wants to bag a young girl to have as a safe bet for starting a family while he'll continue to cheat. These guys are bad news.
>>17293579
None of that is true at all and it isn't a good reason for the advice
The reason for the advice is that failed relationships don't work or they wouldn't have failed.
Assuming every guy who cheated will cheat again is wrong, this is a situation where he cheated because she forced him away. No SJW bullshit, it is half her fault. Men expect sex in a relationship.
