Life after divorce
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My wife and I are getting divorced. Everything is happening in a friendly manner, we are unhappy with the situation of course, but figured out together that it would be the best for both of us, since we already tried to 'resurrect' the relationship a couple of times some years ago and it didn't work out.
The thing is, I'm really desperate about the idea of being a divorced man. I'm still relatively young - 31 years old (we were young when we married), but since it's been a long time since I've been alone, on my own, I simply have no clue about how things are going to be. Any advice you guys could give (especially divorced people). I mean, things like:
> How long until you get used to be all by yourself.
> How to cope with the loneliness.
> When I should begin to hang out with friends again or eventually dating.
I ask this because one of my closest friends have been trying to cheer me up, saying things like I'm still young, that there is this girl that is interested on me, that I should try to move on, but I simply have no idea what I'm supposed to do about that. I feel that I'm a failure and want to stay locked inside my house.
> How to know if I'm getting depressed and what should I do to avoid it.
> Do people will begin looking down on me because I'm divorced?
> Are divorced people considered a failure or something like that? This really bothers me, I'm really unhappy with the situation of being divorced,
> What about my family. How will they react?
I've always been the "good son", I have a brother who is already divorced and I feel that my family will never forgive me. I simply want to disappear for some time because I don't know if I will be able to look then on their eyes.
>falling for the marriage meme
Sorry man.
>>17291798
I didn't want to grow old alone and the idea of having kids and grandchildren around me as I grew old always appealed to me. Shit happens, and now I feel miserable.
31 is still young, you will need to wait to heal before dating other people, don't rush into another relationship.
Living alone takes about 6 months to adjust to but it's still a shitty way to live and the loneliness can easily creep in if you stay inside all the time and never leave your place. My best advice; get outside even if you're just going out alone. Do not stay inside all the time, it will eat away at your sanity. I've been there and trust me when I say you don't want to go down that road.
People will always find a way to look down on you for any reason. It's how they make themselves feel better about their shitty existences . Just stop giving a fuck, you will feel much better.
Failure builds character, people who have never failed in life haven't lived. Divorces happen, people who were right for you when you were in your early twenties might not be right for you in your early thirties. People changes, needs change, it's just life.
Your family needs to take their idealistic sunglasses off. Life is full of trials, it's not some bullshit movie. The people that stay in broken marriages and try to play it off like there are no issues usually are the people that blow their fucking brains out for "no reason" and everyone that knew end up saying shit like, "they had such a perfect marriage with beautiful children, I just don't know why he would do that". It's fucking life man, this isn't a movie, you did the right thing by getting out before your confliction consumed you.
>>17292074
Thank you , that's some solid advice, I really appreciated it.
Went though it at the same age, op. Shortly afterwards, my dog died in his sleep. It put things in perspective for me because he was a better companion than my wife ever was.
I felt ashamed that I had become a statistic and thought people would look down on me, but no one seems to care. Loneliness comes and goes, but to be honest I usually prefer solitude over socialization anyway (which was a contributing factor to the end of the marriage; my wife was a socially awkward attention whore). I still have two cats, so they keep me company at home. Hang out with friends when you want. Do it now, do it later, whatever is right for you. Just don't burden them with your baggage. Dating, I can't help you. I've been without a date for the past two years and to be quite honest I really don't know how to date anymore. To complicate things, it seems women my age are already taken. I accept it, though, because I'd probably not make a good romantic partner anyway.
Keep yourself busy in a productive way: work out, learn a skill, build something. Spending time to reflect is fine, but don't sulk.
You are more attractive to women your age than your ex wife is attractive to men her age.
Let this sink in.
Everything will be fine. Seek out your male friends. Bros for life myan.
>>17291795
>i've always been the "good son", I have a brother who is already divorced and I feel that my family will never forgive me. I simply want to disappear for some time because I don't know if I will be able to look then on their eyes
aaaaaand here is the main problem why you are beating yourself up.
you are devaluing yourself biased on the opinions of other after coming to the decision to BETTER your life by cutting off the cancer. youre betting yourself up after doing a good thing.
plus youre 31 and you still rely on the acceptance of others who are free associating on your situation? dude the hell?
>>17293461
yeah I know that's ridiculous, it reached a point where she even complained that the main reason I didn't want our relationship to end is because of fear of rejection from others. And she was absolutely right about that.
>>17292840
>>17293438
thanks for the advice.
>>17293605
>yeah I know that's ridiculous
yea you can shrug that off all you want and dodge that shit like the hobo in the street but unless you fix that shit you aint gonna be any better.
>>17292102
>People will always find a way to look down on you for any reason. It's how they make themselves feel better about their shitty existences
This.
