I am ruining my relationship with my insecurities and don't know how to stop. The pattern is like this:
> worry gf will leave me because I'm a shitty person
> lose control, fight about it, accuse her
> Can see her get closer and closer to leaving my ass
> worry more that gf will leave me because I'm an even shittier person
This is generally what's happening and I don't know how to the loop. I have anxiety and attachment issues.
How many relationships have you been in?
Talk to her about it. Tell her how insecure you feel and how your anxiety is driving you to do this. She will understand and together you can come up with a solution that will benefit both.
>>17291772
When has this ever worked ?
I'm in the same boat Op , my insecurities are fucking me up and there showing , not sure whether to fuck off or keep going at it.... I've slept with her once so far , she lives hours away, I haven't gone again.
>>17291862
It worked with me tho.
>>17291870
I been cheated on before , many times actually. So I just assume it happens , so it's all bad....I mean I honestly feel like a bitch when I open up about my feelings like that....
>>17291764
Literally first one
>>17291772
I have. She's very supportive and patiently waiting for me to change. But the constant fighting every day is starting to wear her down and nothing I do seems to work for fixing it. The harder I try, the more stressed I am that its not working, the more I worry she'll leave me or cheat
>>17291948
He's embarrassed to say on an anonymous Laotian knitting forum.
>>17291879
So is this just not fixable? Because honestly my gf deserves so much more than being stuck with me for the rest of her life if I can't change. This is our only problem right now and it's all my fault
>>17291755
Nothing wrong with having anxiety and attachment issues. You are not shitty for dealing with the same problems many people try to avoid dealing with on a day to day basis. But you do need to realize this is your problem, not your girlfriend's. When you take out your frustration on her, you really are pushing her away.
Everyone's patience wears thin after a while. And if things don't get better when you promise they are, people stop being so patient. This doesn't mean you should internalize your problems and never talk them out with your girlfriend, but you need to put effort into working on them rather than taking them out on your gf.
It's obvious you're insecure and this being your first relationship is feeding into it. First and foremost trust is vital for any relationship to survive. If you do not trust your partner, then why the fuck are you with him/her? I don't think your issue is necessarily trust, but your poor self-esteem. The fact your girlfriend is so supportive is proof enough of her love. You are thinking way too much of the future and possible outcomes rather than focusing on what's currently happening.
You have a girlfriend who accepts you for who you are and supports you despite your issues. The best relationships of my life were the ones where my girlfriend pushed me to improve. I wasn't doing very well professionally one time, and my gf who was still in school at the time and honestly had no reason to care about my professional life pushed me to do the necessary steps to improve. When I said it was hard, she said it was and told me to do it anyway.
She opened my eyes that I always talked as if I felt sorry for myself. That really shocked me, and I felt my ego hurt. But this time when my ego hurt I decided to change rather than start feeling sorry for myself and get trapped in the same cycle as you now.
Be confident and improve yourself. If not for you, then for her.
>>17291992
What are some steps I can take for some of my problems. I know logically I'm overreacting to these things but they all send me into panic where I act first and think later
1. Feels like personally rejection when she asks for alone time
2. Feel constant need to 'monitor' what she's doing
3. Extremely good at 'manipulating' myself into illogical thinking why in the moment
4. Constantly feel threatened by any other man's presence in spite of actively watching her do nothing wrong
5. Unable to prevent myself from reacting badly because no matter how good I reason with myself my brain is really good at undoing that when I'm mad
There are more but these are biggest
>>17292168
sorry went to play a match of killing floor
Most of your problems would be fixed if you stopped thinking of your girlfriend as this mystical prized being and just treated her as your best friend who you have sex with. Take up some hobbies in the meantime. Then whenever you guys do hang it, you can cherish it much more easily because you don't see her as often and it's like she's the cherry on top of your flavorful life (which includes other friends, hobbies, activities, trips, etc)
You often see things that aren't there when you try really hard. If your girl smiles when talking to a man it doesn't mean anything. Most of the things you're probably worried about are things you do with other women without thinking. You just have to take a leap of faith and trust her with everything.
