It's one of those days where people just make me fucking sick. I began the day (I stayed up all night geeked on speed) writing a short poem to a girl that I've quite fancied for a while and knew would be sleeping. I then did more drugs, and left to work.
Horrible drivers on the road. People thinking getting 2 cars ahead will get them there early. The fucking bus driver almost hit me. I call a doctors office to confirm my appointment. I call them twice. Each time, I am placed on hold, the same 15 second shitty "stay fucking calm" elevator music loop followed by WE WILL ANSWER YOUR CALL IN THE ORDER BLAH BLAH BLAH for 30 minutes, each. Guess I'm not going to the doctor. I'm training at my new job. I am in control of when I want to work.
Boss says "you workin?" every 20 minutes. Nah, I just drove 40 minutes north for fucking nothing. I am reminded that I owe my aunt $100, by, who else? She says all I do is ask her for money. All she ever did was give me money.
I'm starting to get angry and more stressed out. I feel my chest tightening. I can see everything going on at the same time. I don't trust any of these people. I sit under the tree for a good half hour to try and calm myself. I'm tired. But I'm not. It's weird. I'm scared. But I'll break somebody's arm right now.
Anyway, I give up on the prospect of working in amped-up paranoia, and decide to drive home. I text my aunt "Hey, are you home? Heading out from work." More driving through hell traffic. I'm almost home, call from aunt. "Are you here? Well, good! I told you to meet me here at 8! I'm tired of hounding you about this!" Never mind my apologies and pending activity on my bank account.
I'm starting to realize: I don't even like most of these people I think I'm supposed to like. I quite hate them, actually. I thought of the poem I wrote in the morning and it disgusted me. Here is a girl that I never fucked, that I was too afraid to try with, that would brag about getting with other dudes to push my buttons. Who would stay around and tease me and deny any kind of sexual advance. Who took advantage of how much I hated myself. And I wanted to see her again for what? Another chance? But I think I've grown to like myself a lot more lately. And hate useless whores, nagging alchie family members, pushy bosses, and the entire fleet of big headed, useless, in the way mistakes driving down the highway on any given 4:30.
>>17290355
Amphetemines suck man I stay away from them I hate that shitty feeling ick
You write well, anon.
But you sound like the drugs are getting to you. Part of this anger and stress and anxiety and paranoia is the amphetamines.
Hey, post the poem, I'm curious.
Do you hate yourself?
Because you should.
>>17290438
Go fuck yourself. You dont know what kind of hand he was dealt. He chooses drugs because it is the easy way out. This man is a realist.
Oh and op, most people are terrible just go out and find your best friend.
Badass narrative. Go easy on the drugs for your own sake but please keep writing, man
>>17290361
You could solve most of these problems with an AR-15.
>>17291036
No.
>>17290355
> It's one of those days
My dude, you're coming down. It's one of those days where you're rebounding from amphetamines.
Did nobody explain this to you about stimulants? The crash makes you feel irritable and shitty. So much so that you're not even aware you're doing it. Sounds like life's little annoyances are being amplified by your neurotransmitters trying to get back to homeostasis.
Don't burn any bridges, fight anybody, or do anything that will put you in jail for the next 48 hours or so. Just get some rest. You'll feel better, I guarantee it.
>>17290355
So you are sleep deprived and high then get more high and drive
For 40minutes
Just kys my man I hope you drive off a cliff one day before yu injure someone else
>B-but muh body muh choice
>>17290425
Y not
She is like a rainbow. Could I be any more cliche?
Colorful. Maybe I do some of the coloring.
Fuck it. I don't care. I'm still into her. I want to see her. Smell her. Touch her. I want her flesh.
I want to show her. Treat her. Tell her all the great things about herself. Being Woman, she wants everything -- being Man, I'll try.
To waste time with her is oxymoronic. I learned something from knowing her. I felt something every time. I'm in a boring situation, and sometimes I just think "God I wish she was here right now."
I look at her tweets sometimes. I don't have Twitter. I see her image. She looks healthy. She looks happy. Sexy. I don't really care what she says. There is information deeper than words could convey.
Little reminders pop up in my thoughts. Just like, hey, this girl still exists, she's a cutie pie and you still like her. You don't really know her anymore, but she's in your heart. I can make them disappear, but I like them.
Perhaps she thinks none of these things about me. Would I be sad? No. I do not want to negate a person's will.
I think she feels. I think of her in my heart. I think she feels me in her heart. Somewhere. At least sometimes.
Furthermore, this is a request. That if there's anything of me left in her heart, our paths shall intersect.
>>17290355
Man you are fucking stupid and I am here to help.
Step one, score valuim.
Step two, score weed.
Step three, buy cheese burgers ice cream and tacos.
Step four, smoke weed.
Step five, eat cheese burgers ice cream and tacos.
Step six, wash down valium with soda pop.
Step seven, go to bed and sleep. Wake up and eat leftovers, go back to bed, take valuim.
STEP EIGHT: STOP DOING SPEED YOU DUMB FUCKING TWEAKER DONT YOU REALIZE THAT A LACK OF SLEEP AND AMPHETAMINES WILL MAKE YOU A GROUCHY MOTHERFUCKER?!
