So I got close with this girl I knew on my course; like really close, in our group it was just me and her talking for like 40 minutes straight to and from lectures. We started to text more and more as she went home to London for exam leave and later I happened to go be down there, so went to see a movie together ("The Room"). It felt like she really enjoyed spending time with me, but nothing else happened as she was staying at her moms and me at my sisters.
The next day a friend of hers asked me if I was into her, to which I said yes, and me and the girl kept texting and she admitted she'd had a crush on me for most of the year. BUT she then refused another date while I was down in London, but said she was still into me and to take it slow.
Fast forward two weeks of like texting and pouring our hearts out to eachother every night, she came back and seemed a bit more.. distant over text. We were planning on going to an videogame con thing in a weeks time, but didn't want to meet up or do anything, despite telling me she was bored and texting me all the time throughout the day...
I got drunk 2 nights after she came back and cold-cucked me and texted her some dumbass sappy shit about how she seemed so into me via text but didn't seem to want to see me in real life.
OP here. Part 2
Anyways, the next day the whole "friendzone" thing got mentioned, and I was dumb enough to think she just wanted to keep it on hold for the duration of exams.
After that she pretty much wanted nothing to do with me at all, even by text, though I said I was fine with her not seeing me in a romantic way ( which was true, I was quite shut-in and depressed during the uni year and she was the one person I connected with really well). She said she didn't feel comfortable talking to me anymore and to let time heal things. I tried to get in touch with her after a month, but she then blocked me. I'm going to see her after the summer at Uni, so maybe she meant that, but maybe she really just means; I don't want to see you ever again, I'm not sure.
I was super depressed before I started to get close with her, and it was the happiest time of my life for the brief time we were "together" (since I didnt even sleep with her or kiss her), and now I'm just teetering on the edge, you know? I've got no social life where I am back home, no summer plans and all I can do is think of her every day and every hour.
I know her private tumblr (when she first broke up with me I figured I could use it to navigate my way to at least an amenable breakup, and yes I do know that's a red flag) which it makes it so much worse. Whenever I'm feeling really down, I just have such an urge to go on it. Its super fucking banal stuff, just reblogging fandom posts but for some reason I still feel I need it. She was the first ever girl I've gotten close to ever, and I just cant shake her off.
I had to reread this 2-3 times to see where you guys ever made it official, and I couldn't for the life of me find it. It wasn't a break up. You two weren't together. She lost interest. Does it suck? Absolutely. Will you ever get closure? Probably not. I get that you're holding onto every hope that things will work out in the end, but there's a 99% chance they won't. She blocked you. She hasn't reached out to you. If she wanted to talk to/be with you, she would have made it clear. There's a metric buttload of girls out there. It may feel like she is the one because she is one of the first chicks you ever had real feelings for, but once you find someone new, you'll forget about her. Take this opportunity as a time to work on yourself and become a better, more mature person. Don't creep on her private tumblr and get ahold of her, she'll think it's creepy and be pushed away even more. Don't try to get a more amenable break up, because there wasn't a break up or anything to break up in the first place. This may be rough to hear, but you definitely need to hear it. I can tell your feelings are immature and, even though you went through a kind of loss recently, they are still unstable regardless. So like I said, work on yourself, because this event definitely has brought up inner issues within you that you must fix if you want to be happier one day. We've all gone through something like this dude.
>>17290185
This
Sorry Op
stalking her blog is uncool op
now, probably what the others said
But
the other side of the coin, if there is any chance to be friendly again, dont ruin it
leave her alone. for however long she needs.
A good idea is, self improvement.
Be a better you
If you cant get motivated enough to do it for you, do it to impress her, even if you dont end up impressing her, you improved and you might impress someone else
Anon #1: Yeah I do agree it wasn't really official, but all I really wanted after she decided to breakup was be friends, to be honest I wasn't even that interested in the physical side of things until she wanted to be. At the time I was just in a really shitty place and had drifted away from all my other friends. So I pretty much spent two weeks stuck in my dorm just trying to numb myself and stop thinking of her. Even now Im just a mess, I just sit inside and play Dota, because I have to pay 100% attention to that. Everything else I do, I just drift back to thinking of her and it fucking hurts.
Its been 2 months now, and it still feels like I am as bad as when she first lost interest.
I just wanna know if theres anything that helps with that. I dont even want a relationship anymore they dont seem worth it.
Oh and thanks for the advice the two of you. I know I need to fix myself really ( the whole "how can you love someone if you dont love yourself"), but its good to hear it from others.
>>17290271
Again, there was no break up, because there was no relationship to begin with. Focus on that, as well as the fact that she dropped you without so much as a goodbye. I'm not saying who is in the right or wrong here, but those two things should help you start moving on.
