What Up advisors,
So my last two semesters of college (8 months now) I've been with this guy.
However, we both have graduated and are now across the country. We always said that long distance wasn't something that we wanted. Especially because soon he'll be doing military things that restrict his ability to communicate and I'm moving around the world. In fact, we said we'd be done after graduation and I was prepared for that.
But he's really been holding on, gets mad at me for not texting him all the time, etc.
He's coming to visit over the weekend. I know that he asked my old roommate what ring size I am and I hope to god he's not going to propose or some shit.
All the same reasons still stand. I don't want a long distance relationship let alone engagement. And I'll remind him of that if it comes to it.
My concern is that I'm going to ruin his trip here. It was supposed to be like our last hurrah. If he proposes the first day he's here do I turn him down then? What do I/we do for the rest of his trip? But waiting it out seems like an equally shitty thing to do. What's the lesser of two evils?
I would personally recommend getting these feelings out before he comes, that way if he takes it really hard, he could just not show up. If that's not possible, then don't waste time leading him on at all. Turn him down immediately. It'll weigh on your conscience the entire time you're there and he'll feel like he was teased.
>>17289058
It seems pretty obvious that you wouldn't be interested in marrying this guy even without the distance. You should let him know immediately.
>>17289076
This is OK, but I think not having this conversation in person is a little shitty and a lot cowardly.
Obviously he's acting like he wants to continue the relationship, possibly to the tune of proposing. You need to lay all your cards down as soon as you see him though. Tell him what you've discovered, tell him you're still not interested in continuing a long distance relationship, and then just tell him how you really feel. If you want to be friends, say so, if you think it'd be easier to just go your own ways, tell him that.
No matter what you say or when you say it, it's going to fucking suck, so just get on with it so at least you'll know if you're worried about nothing or not.
>>17289076
Oh I don't know why I didn't think of talking to him about it before hand. Mostly because I'm not supposed to know, even though he did say he "has a surprise for me."
>>17289082
I mean it's not him. I'm just not interested in getting married this young at all. I'm really focused on my career. All of which he knows and has been told explicitly. So I figured it wouldn't ever be an issue.
>>17289083
I definitely see where you're coming from with this. I was considering just saying it jokingly because he texted me that he "Has a surprise for me." So I could just text back something like, "I'm excited! Just no proposals :p"
The problem is that I feel like he knows how I feel. That saying the things I've said before is like beating a dead horse and he's going to do what he's going to do regardless. I really just don't want it to come to that.
