I'm in my first relationship with a girl. I'm 23, she's 24. We're both in university (I just graduated and she's been at her masters for a year). I grew up in the U.S. and my gf grew up in a fairly conservative country in the world and came her about ~1.5 years ago. Shes from the same country as my parents. The way we met was threw this iphone application for learning languages. I wanted to strength my language skills in my parent's language and she wanted to help her own english and improve her GRE scores. When we spoke to each other on this app, we realized that we happen to live 30 minutes apart, go to the same university, and both studying for the GRE. Chances of this are very, very slim there are maybe like 10 people in the entirety of the U.S. on this application who know my parents language and are also trying to learn english.
So we meet to study for the GRE and within like 2 weeks we really click. Its the first relationship for both of us. After 2 months, she went back to her home country for the summer/fall. Her degree program has online classes and the reason she decided to stay there for the fall is because the U.S. really stressed her out. Her parents divorced when she was 1 years old and her relationship with her father is shitty. From what she has told me, her dad is just a really explosive person. She has no idea what he'll do or say in the next minute. I believe her, I've heard some of his voice messages on her phone and I've seen people who sound like this guy to a T.
Anyway, we really really like each other, but there are 3 - 4 incidents that made me doubt her sincerity. I've also heard bad things about girls who've grown up with a single mother. From everything I know about her mother, she seems to be a really strong person who has tried to instill her daughter with important values, but I feel like maybe my gf is sometimes a bit too emotional and can easily give in if someone asks of something from her.
>>17288801
We're each others first hand hold, hug, kiss, etc. With respect to kissing and stuff beyond that, I felt like I almost pressured her into it. Like I would lean into kiss her and she would say no (although I felt she really wanted it too), I think she didn't want to because of the way her mother raised her. But eventually she would give in, and I guess I'm worried that she's a very impulsive person.
There are a few incidents that have bothered me and I'm wondering if you guys can tell me if I'm right to be paranoid or if I'm being oversensitive.
>She has having trouble with a homework assignment and a male from her class offered to help. They were at my uni's main building. I told her I would come see her and asked where she was sitting. She didn't tell me exactly where she was and I had to wait until she was finished before she came and found me. Kind of puzzled as I wouldn't have bothered their studying, I would have just waited. Lets say this is guy #1.
>There was a major project due at the end of her course. She asked me for help and I helped her as much as I could (we're not in the same major). Eventually, we were just stuck. So her guy #1 and guy #2 worked together until apparently 3am one night at the university. Guy #1 leaves at around 2am and she sits with guy #2 just talking nonsense (her words) until 3am. The thing is, she didn't tell me directly. I was sitting next to her and her mom called asking about how she was doing and she mentioned it to her mom while I was listening. It bothered me that she didn't tell me she would be working with these guys until late night. I don't know them at all. I mean, I understand needing help with your project and getting it from people who offer help. But to me it isn't right to sit around talking with some guy who isn't your bf at 3am.
>>17288802
>Around a week before leaving, she mentioned that when she comes back she might be housing with some friends when she comes back. She said that it would be 3 girls and 1 guy (new guy, guy #3). The thing is, she told me that before I asked her out and stuff, she was aware that guy #3 had a crush on her (this was several weeks before talking about the housing). I didn't say anything at that exact time, but about a month later, when we were texting, I brought it up and told her I was uncomfortable with it just on the general principle that there would be a guy there, but especially since she knew he had a crush on her. She said that she agreed that it wasn't a good idea. She said that since she was coming back at the end of the fall it would be super unlikely because they would find another roommate. She said that would definitely take up any other housing option possible over that. But I was still puzzled about why she would discuss it in the first place.
>The final thing was that when we were on google hangouts, I noticed that sometimes there would be a delay in her responses even though I could see she was online. I didn't ask for one, but she sent me a screenshot of her google hangouts and I could see that guy #2 (same one she talked to until 3am after finishing project at university) had been messaging her. I could only see the very last message and I could see that he had sent some sort of heart emoji. I asked her what was up with that. And she said that the guy was bothering her. She then turned off her google hangouts status, which she said she did so that the guy wouldn't bother her. I didn't say anything further at the time, but in hindsight, I wish I had asked for a screenshot of the conversation or asked why she couldn't just block the guy instead
What do you guys think? I know I wrote a gigantic block of text. I think I'm genetically a very paranoid and over-cautious person.
>>17288806
But these 4 situations just really weirded me out. Like everything else in the relationship is fine. We really really like each other, there is physical compatibility, everything. And the thing is, she seems like the type of person who is although politically liberal, she seems socially conservative in a way. Like she wears clothing that is pretty conservative and doesn't like to talk about anything that gets close to sex outside of the bedroom.
So I am basically puzzled. Am I being paranoid? Is she untrustworthy? Do you guys think she is talking to this guy #2 behind my back? She is a very nice person and hates to upset people, so perhaps she didn't want to hurt his feelings by blocking him? I just don't know.
What should I do? Should I bring it up and ask for a picture of her conversations? Should I wait until she comes back to the U.S. in 5 months and ask to read her conversation and have an open phone policy? I really like her, but I hate the feeling like I can't fully 100% trust someone.
P.S. Sorry for all of the grammar/spelling mistakes, its a gigantic stream of thought block of text
>>17288801
I should add. Her dad lives in the U.S. and is a citizen. Thats how she was able to come here without formally being in a degree program. Her dad stressed her out to the point where she was unable to live with him and had to find a new place to live while here (she lived with some lady). This doubled her stress while her and why she felt like she needed extra time back in her home country to destress.
