What do you guys make of this?
My girlfriend of three plus years has always said things like "Don't worry about me during sex, it pleases me to please you." I for the most part do, but sometimes I want to pleasure her. She can't cum from penetration, says she doesn't particularly like oral (that it feels kind of good but she's never cum from it). Initially I would get her off with my fingers every so often but it took a while and my hand cramped. It's been a bit different recently, she seems to get hornier, more wet and when I tried to get her off after a long time of not trying, it didn't take any longer than it takes me to jerk myself off.
I talked to her about sex a bit today, I asked her if she ever masturbates, she said not in a long time. I asked her if she would appreciate if I did it for her more often and she said not really. I asked her if sex, masturbation and orgasm feel good for her and she said they do. I said even though she doesn't necessarily want me to get her off more often if she would mind if I did it more often of my own volition she said she supposes so, that she doesn't really mind either way.
After a while longer of talking, I came to the conclusion that she legitimately enjoys sexual pleasure but is also legitimately indifferent to it. She agreed with that notion and I asked her if she knew why, she told me she's never really thought about it that much. I asked her if it was anything traumatic but she said no.
Do I actually have a free pass to be selfish in bed? She's pretty willing to do most things in bed, quite submissive. But how is it possible for her to enjoy it but at the same time be indifferent? Is she playing with my head?
nump
>>17287767
Hey OP.
I think if she's been able to orgasm in the past, it's a good bet that she'd be extremely appreciative of you if you dedicated a lot of your sexual efforts to getting her to cum no matter what.
Buy special toys, communicate with her so you know when you're near the gspot, ask her what feels better than other things, etc.
Maybe she's just too nervous or unsure about her body to give you a real answer and she doesn't want to upset you if she said "yes I want to be able to orgasm with you".
Nah, she doesn't process it quite the same way you do. Girls focus on the relationship and sex serves as a connection, not just a feel good time.
It's tricky though. She may also be inexperienced or naïve. I would side on the idea she enjoys you being into her body, and the foreplay and sex is her validation. So ignoring her for a quickie isn't a free pass. My girl is similar, she doesn't think anything turns her on except sex, but some quick foreplay ups the game from a 4 to a 10
>>17287767
Well maybe she is shy and doesn't want to tell you what works for her
It seems like youre saying it is getting better, so maybe stretch it out a bit - lots of foreplay and gentle kissing and stuff like that, take your time and make it build it up. Then hopefully when you finally make it to home, she will get there soon hopefully
Its more about the connection to you to loosen her up - I def wouldnt just use her like a fuck doll
>>17287859
>>17287857
>>17287856
I see what you're saying. Most of the time I try to get her off I succeed, usually I kind of put more effort in then, like more kissing and stuff. I feel like I know her vagina kind of well though, and she's more experienced than me, I lost my virginity to her, she taught me how to find her clitoris (though not for a long time). Most of the time I get her off I start with touching, and then dirty touching, then start kissing her, touching the outside of her vag through her panties, wet my fingers and start to get in there a bit, maybe put a finger in her briefly but then start to focus on the clit, softly at first, but she can handle quit a bit of pressure (and seems to require it for orgasm to even be in the equation), and once she's getting into it a lot I might reach down and put a finger or two inside her, I don't go deep, I look for the rough bump up the top (is that the g-spot) and do a bit of back and forth but move onto up and down and rubbing the rough bit. Seems to work.
There's only one time I recall her coming during penetration, and one time I recall her enjoying (but not cumming) from oral, both times involves a bit of anal stimulation, the thing is, I must be one of the few guys who is a bit intimidated by anal, the prospect of poop grosses me out, I would ideally want a layer between me and the poop, like a glove or a condom, we almost never use condoms (she has the implant), those things seem like they would feel a bit ...clinical for lack of a better word.
Some girls aren't able to get off by penetration or anything sexual with a partner. Don't worry about it or take offense, That's just how it is sometimes. A lot of girls don't mind not having an orgasm during sex, however they still get pleasure from it and don't mind not having an orgasm and cuddling afterwards. Please have an open discussion about this with your girlfriend.
>>17287767
Buy a cock ring with a vibrator, or a vibrator you can use on her with your hands
It's a game changer.
>>17288014
Also I hate to say this but I'm a grill and I masturbate in a way that nobody can replicate, not even another girl.
>>17288039
...Details?
>>17287767
What's the problem here?
Besides you attention whoring on my /adv/...
>>17288102
nah
>>17288028
How is using a vibrator on her anyway different than her masturbating? Not you make her cum but a machine.
What I make of it is self esteem issues.
She doesn't care about her achieving orgasm because just the act of you being with her is so much in her mind. Also, I am self inserting big time here. Just thought I'd toss it out there.
It's not like you be selfish, but you focus on what feels good to you and that most likely feels good to them too
Probably why she said that in the first place
Girlfriend is similar. She is really really sub and says as long as I like it she likes it. Annoys me sometimes but what can you do. At least she likes getting eaten out.
>>17288232
>She is really really sub and says as long as I like it she likes it. Annoys me sometimes but what can you do.
>>17287767
Being thankful and still giving your best every single time to please her.
That's what makes good people the good people.
Doing things even if nobody insisted on them. Giving lent money back even if the person you borrowed from didn't ask for it yet. Doing happily things out of love and kindness without expecting anything in return....
If you really don't get the hang of it, you might lose her to this and one day ask yourself what did you do wrong and why that "totally crazy bitch" left you out of the blue and "broke your heart brutally".
I rarely cum from penetration, and I genuinely don't need to cum every time to be happy satisfied. So I see where she's coming from.
But I still appreciate my boyfriend's efforts immensely. To be honest, he was pretty selfish at the beginning of our relationship and we've been working on it after a lot of long talks.
Tl;dr, You actually caring about her cumming goes a long way. She may think she doesn't need it but I think that's a truly inexperienced and weak opinion.
>>17288252
Well I want to. I love her and sex with her is good usually. I know though that there are things she is into sexually she does not talk to me about. So I feel like sex is just about me and not about us sometimes.
