How do you keep yourself from crying during sex?
Lube would probably make it painless but I'm still worried I'm going to cry or resent my partner.
>>17287112
How about you actually get aroused before he sticks his dick in your pussy you idiot.
>Inb4 I can't get aroused
Fuck off.
>>17287112
Why do you think you're going to cry?
By having a partner who goes slowly and can understand simple phrases like "Ow, stop that's hurting me." And being willing to speak up and say so instead of crying and trying to hide it.
Grill, rite?
If you choose to have sex with someone, you should realize rationally that it is illogical to resent them for a choice you made yourself. There is nothing forcing you to have sex if you don't want to. You can always say no until you're ready. You'll know when you're ready because you'll want it to happen, and you'll let it happen naturally. As for crying, it depends on why. Crying out of love of intense emotion can be endearing. But crying from anger or pain should defuse the mood for both of you. There is no need to cry if you remain in control of what you are doing, and communicate what you want and don't want clearly. Go as slow as you need to, and stop if you need to.
>>17287121
how?
>>17287138
You better not be asking me how to get aroused. If you're too young for masturbation you're too young for sex, this is an 18+ website.
>>17287124
I don't know. I just get so upset that it has to happen to me.
>>17287131
It's my choice to have sex with him, but it's his choice to leave if I don't put out.
I've never understood this "until you're ready" or "give it time". If you give it time, it'll never happen.
It's like that joke about a man who is going to get executed getting to choose how he'll die, and he says "from old age".
>>17287144
I'm 22, I know where the clitoris is and everything but it doesn't help.
>>17287167
You're going to have to let your hormones do the work dear, this isn't something you can think through. You need to be alone with him, both want each other intensely for it to happen. And if he leaves he's an asshole. If he cares about you he'll stay and he won't mind that it's such a big deal for you. Let assholes leave and let the ones you love stay.
>>17287167
Don't have sex with your bf, OP, until you've talked to a sex positive therapist. You can work through these feelings of anxiety that you associate with sex. If your bf loves you and is not an absolute monster I'm sure he'd rather wait than have sex with his crying, traumatized girlfriend. Sex should not be traumatic!
>>17287201
But what's going to keep a guy around?
>>17287217
I don't have a boyfriend. I can't get a guy to stay.
>>17287280
>I can't get a guy to stay.
then you're going for the wrong guys
get therapy before you date anyone tho
>>17287280
Find a guy who isn't in a rush to have sex; we're not that hard to find. I'm looking for a girl who is waiting for marriage, myself.
>>17287292
Where?
Sounds to me like you need to focus on you a little more. You need a little more time to figure out what you want. The pressure to put out is real, but a half decent relationship won't have that present. It sounds like you want a buddy to hang out with, but haven't met someone to get the juices flowing.
Go be part of some co-ed groups and quit worrying about sex. Sex is a bonus, not the paycheck
>>17287293
Feel them out. Avoid guys with a reputation for being players. Find conersvative guys who are marriage-minded. You should be able to tell what a guy is looking for fairly easily from the beginning.
Or is it just me who can tell that?
>>17287342
I want someone to hug and kiss and I'd give anything if a woman could be enough for that.
>>17287112
>>17287167
You need to go see a therapist, dear. Crying and resenting your partner for having sex with you is not a normal thing that women struggle with. This is quite abnormal.
Its symptomatic of some serious psychological issues that you are obviously not equipped to deal with on your own.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you were probably traumatized or abused as a child?
Even if I'm wrong you need to see a therapist. Seriously.
>>17287402
Therapists are not an option right now. I either deal with this on my own or die trying.
I had a perfect childhood and no memory of anything bad ever happening.
Use lube, keep the lights off, and try to find positions where he doesn't see your face.
>>17287403
I was actually expecting to be reminded of the current year and have it implied that my customs are archaic. I'm somewhat disappointed.
Look up vaginismus. I have a similar problem OP. So I can relate. Try not to blame your partner but instead communicate with him. My boyfriend and I have not had sex without me being in pain, ever. But my condition is getting gradually better with therapy(I don't see a therapist, I have a book to assist me). My boyfriend has stayed with me for 10 months despite us not having PiV sex because he loves and cares for me. He is patient and understanding and does not blame me for my condition. Your bf should do the same for you.
I understand why you would resent him because I have also felt that way toward my partner because I felt like it wasn't fair that he could enjoy sex and I never have. I have felt like a martyr for the relationship when I engaged in sex that brought him pleasure and me pain. But thats really not his fault because I consented to it and sometimes hid my pain so he didn't know about it and thats not his fault. Try to understand that. I know what you're going through is very hard but you have to be honest with your partner or the physical and emotional pain will only get worse. This is a curable condition.
>>17287603
adding to this, buy some vaginal dilators and use them. I have this problem too and the dilators lessened my pain by a lot.
>>17287112
Duct tape on the mouth
>>17287409
>>17287280
Sounds like you are just a shitty person. Go grow and develop as a person. Get a hobby or find something that you are passionate about.
As a guy, sex is great but if you bore me to tears personality wise, no amount of sex will make me want to stay with you.
Read some books and learn how to converse with other humans. God you sound like a broken shell of a human.
Also try out the therapy. It can only help you, because well lets be honest, you have no clue how to help yourself. You'll never figure it out because you keep avoiding the truth that is right in front of you.
Don't waste your time being angry with me because I presented things that you didn't want to hear. Use that energy for something useful. Like making yourself less of a cumdumpster and more of a human being.
>>17287409
what are your religious views?
>>17287655
I've never believed in any kind of a god, but buddhists have a lot of good points.
>>17287578
It's not physically painful to me. Or at least I don't think so, it's been like three or four years since I tried it last.
>>17287686
If it's not physically painful then why would you cry?
>>17287712
Because I have emotions and feelings and sex makes the negative ones happen.
>>17287783
Boo hoo
die of aids
>>17287783
Something pleasurable makes you cry.
So... you were molested as a child, yes?
>>17287858
It's not pleasurable. It feels bad.
I don't recall so. I had a perfectly safe nonsexual childhood.
Masturbate. If you can't successfully masturbate yourself to orgasm and enjoy it then you're not ready for sex.
>>17287280
>But what's going to keep a guy around?
Any guy who only wants you for a warm hole isn't worth keeping around.
Do you really think you have nothing else to offer? Do you really think this is all relationships are?
Why do you want a guy around? Clearly for something other than sex. Any guy worth spending time with will also want you for things other than sex.
>>17287783
>>17287878
Is it that sex physically feels bad, or that it brings about negative emotions?
I imagine there's some intermingling of the two. If it's the latter, there'd still be some of the former, since when you're not enjoying yourself as a woman it tends to make things clamp and cause pain. If its the former, obviously that'd create a negative association and make you feel negatively towards it in addition to the pain.
But which do you feel is the stronger origin of disliking sex?
>>17287280
>But what's going to keep a guy around?
By developing a positive personality that makes them want to be around you. Boys have feelings. I suggest listening to their feelings. By focusing too much on sex you are focusing on the wrong problem and you are harming yourself. If you have difficulties forging bonds with members of the opposite sex then I recommend you start by learning how to become platonic friend with a guy.
>>17287936
>Any guy who only wants you for a warm hole isn't worth keeping around.
I dislike this advice. It depicts sexuality in an negative light. Any boy (or girl) can be sexually attracted to OP's body without being emotionally invested in her. These people are not doing anything wrong. They are not heartless, they are not predators, they are not people who see OP "as a warm hole". They are people like you and me. They happen to be incompatible with OP for a long term relationship and that's okay.
>>17287960
>I dislike this advice. It depicts sexuality in an negative light.
If you're fucking someone who hates being fucked, you're being an asshole and should find someone better suited to you.
>>17287925
I'm an adult in my 20s. I'm not going to grow up from this.
>>17287936
I want warmth and closure. Physical affection and emotional support. Be a valuable part of someone's life and appreciated as a part of mine.
>>17287993
>I'm an adult in my 20s. I'm not going to grow up from this.
You've got 50+ years left to figure it out. That's two whole lifetimes relative to the one you've had so far. You're not done yet.
>>17287993
>I want warmth and closure. Physical affection and emotional support. Be a valuable part of someone's life and appreciated as a part of mine.
That's what most people want. You won't get that sort of thing from someone who only wants you for sex.
There might be some people who find themselves genuinely sexually incompatible with you who have to walk away as a result, but putting up with something that's hurting you to try and make them stay won't do either of you any favours - and probably won't convince them anyway, because sex is something people generally want to do WITH their partner, not TO their partner.
>>17287951
It's mental, and I have no idea. The entire concept of women wanting or liking sex just feels so bizarre and foreign to me.
>>17287960
I have male friends. We can be friends because they have no interest in violating me.
>>17288006
It doesn't matter if I'll live past 30, no man wants to fuck old women.
What should I do then?
You can get used to anything. You do something again and again you'll get desentisized and calloused to it. I can train myself to be indifferent to sex so I could put out at any time as often as I have to.
>>17288025
>It doesn't matter if I'll live past 30, no man wants to fuck old women.
But they do, because young women generally don't want to fuck old men.
I'm going to take a wild guess that your parents are divorced, but there are plenty of 30+ couples that don't kick wifey to the curb once she gets too old.
>>17288022
>We can be friends because they have no interest in violating me.
You sound deeply sexist. Maybe this is what is holding you back for being able to form meaningful relationships.
the internet may be the shittiest place to interact with others
EVAR? EVER!
when you talk with people in person there's a lot of circuits that click on that make it better
go get real friends to talk to about this OP this is a shadow of the real deal. find a community it's worth
>>17288049
My mom was the one who initiated the divorce, because she was worried that his drunk ass would be a hazard around the house. Not violent or anything, just leaving the stove on with a paper roll on it, etc.
>>17288070
I am sorry I hurt your feelings.
>>17288091
I don't want to embarrass myself more in front of them.
>>17288025
... uh what qualifies as old? OLD ladies still get some all the time. It's easier for a milf to get laid than a dilf. Don't let all the balding old men with MILLIONS in their pockets and a resentful, devious young girl on their arm pretending to love him for more than his money change your views. They're all cheating on their sugar daddy with a young man.
Yeah guys have a higher sex drive.. that's about it.
Most people are shallow, but that's why you find someone who *wait for it* HAS SUBSTANCE :DDDD
Seriously get off the internet, talk to a therapist. The internet is a misogynist shitty place.
>>17287292
not op but where do guys like you exist? Holy shit it seems like every guy wants and DEMANDS a girl that puts out soon. Not just the party go-er douchey ones (although you can party and not be a douchey slut) but just most of them. There was a thread where a guy said he generally gives up on a girl if he hasn't been laid by date 3.
W-what?
>>17287343
a lot, and i mean a LOOOOT of men lie to get laid, so it's harder to tell than you think.
>>17288165
Well, we're fairly rare, I won't lie. I don't think anyone who knows me casually would think this about me; most people actually assume I'm a manwhore for some reason, maybe because I can talk to girls easily, and the local culture (I live in California) promotes intense promiscuity.
Given my location, you must imagine that I'm having an even harder time than you. Also, I'm not religious, so I'm playing on nightmare mode.
>>17288172
I suppose I must have cheat codes, because I'm good at telling when people are lying.
>>17288162
They still don't get loved.
>>17288184
>>17288165
I just realized I didn't really answer your question. Try religious guys (so church) or guys who are clearly looking to settle down and are more interested in evaluating your other characteristics. There should be groups dedicated to meeting long-term partners. But yes, church might be the way to go if you're religious or can fake it.
>>17288202
OP here. Scandinavian folks are not religious save for the christian sects, and considering that I drink, smoke, have tattoos, am not a virgin, don't want to get married and DEFINITELY don't want 12 or 14 children, they'd be interested in me just as little as I am in them.
>>17288213
Well, you're right that you're not what they're looking for, nor vice-versa, so you might be shit out of luck there, and you might want to ignore everything I said. You might need to find yourself an asexual lad.
Lykke til :^)
