I need to break it off with my girlfriend of 5 years. It has to be tonight. We work opposite schedules from now until Monday. How can I do this as gracefully as possible? I know there's no way to do it without both of us getting hurt but I still love her and want her to not walk away hating me.
Why does it have to be tonight and not a day that is more convenient where you have time to talk things out?
its going to be messy no matter what. prolly really shocking and awful for her. time heals these things tho... just do it, obviously be prepared for a lengthly conversation and be respectful... then see how shes doing in a few days and keep in touch.
Why do you want to leave her?
If you've straight up made up your mind, there's no easy way to do it.
Just be honest with them and move on with your life.
>>17286495
Tuesday is our 5 year anniversary and I can't keep dragging it out. I wanted to do it before she went to work today but I'm a coward.
>>17286499
Our lives are on different trajectories, we want different things for our futures, I'm changing and becoming reclusive and anxious and need space to think my life through.
>>17286499
Additionally, we live together with a lease ending at the end of summer. It's time to start looking for new housing, and I can't keep putting off the discussion.
>>17286510
When you talk to her, express that it's you, not her. If she hasn't been feeling the same thing you have, then this will gobsmack her and she'll be angry and confused. You need to say that you have to get some things straightened out. She will probably accuse you of having someone else, so assure her that it's not that.
>>17286581
She knows there's no one else.
There's been mutual dissatisfaction lately but it's because she can sense I'm not in it 100%.
Shamelessly bumping, I'd love some more advice. I've gotta drop this bomb in about 4 hours.
I would tell her the truth but I would first prepare my surroundings. Pack away valuables and clean shit up. Be prepared to separate belongings and have your general living area packed as much as possible. She's must likely going to cry etc. So you need to accept it but don't feel stupid for writing a skeleton list of major reasons for the break up. Keep it on you because adrenaline causes the mental shift to fight or flight and makes ur hard to have a meaningful conversation. I hope she's the calm type.
TLDR: Be prepared with your stuff and know what you are going to say ahead of time.
Firstly, there's no way you can do this that doesn't hurt her. Secondly, you don't love her, you don't do this to someone you love, you need to come to terms with this.
Sit down somewhere that is free of distractions and tell her that you both need to talk as you have something important to say. Tell her how you're feeling, how you feel about the relationship and where you think it's going. Ask her the same and go from there.
It's emotional, it always is and it fucking sucks, but it's a part of life unfortunately.
End it with a hug or cuddle after you've both said your part. Stick to no contact whilst the dust settles and emotions are high unless you have pressing matters that need addressing between you two.
Do not respond to insults or scathing remarks if there are any, you'll only regret your words later.
Think it through, and I mean with precision. You really don't want to hurry through with dumping someone who's been with you for five years- you have a powerful bond, and it'd be damn difficult to try and repair/find another relationship like that if you do. Not trying to talk you out of it, but be careful. Think it through. Your lives are going two different directions, but there may be a compromise if all is discussed.
Good luck, OP.
>>17287007
I do love her. As much as I can. I don't really love myself at the moment, and you know they say you can't love someone else if yada yada. It's fucking hard.
>>17287105
Are you breaking up with her because you don't want to be with her anymore, or because you don't love yourself and you are trying to protect her?
>>17287134
More the latter, but I am only 23. I need space to get my life in track. I don't have the stability or self-assurance to put myself 100% into a relationship.
>>17287172
Would it be worth telling her that information and then letting her choose? You can go to therapy and work on yourself in the context of your current relationship, then see how you feel after a few months of therapy.
>>17287277
That sounds more in line with what I want, but it doesn't fix my living situation. I need a new place by September 1, and I can't sign on to 12 months of uncertainty and the lack of space and self-reflection I need. But if I tell her I want to live apart, she won't take it well. Why should she take a huge step backwards like that? Why should she deal with that half-in bullshit when she could find someone worth continuing to build a life with?
>>17287290
Because she doesn't want anybody else.
>>17287007
>>17287014
Great advice here.
Many people break up perfect relationships over temporary problems and regret it for the rest of their days. Don't do it OP. You seem to both still love each other. If you do I guarantee you'll be 10x worse for it in a month or two.
just say "im a brony" she'll do the breakup for you
>>17287942
(You)
Any updates op?
>>17286488
Don't rush it, thats fucked up.
You need to both go out for coffee, take seperate cars and break it off in person. That's the only respectful thing to do with a woman you spent 5 whole years with.
Hey folks. You've probably all moved on but here's an update. She got home from work late and I was too exhausted to do it. I was already in bed sleeping. Now I'm leaving for work until the evening, and when I return she'll be working late again. This same schedule goes until Monday, the day before our 5 year anniversary. Fuck.
Thanks for the advice, everyone. I'm considering everything.
