>>17283521
>What am I missing?
Shades of gray.

Confidence is not about thinking you're the best in the world. That really WOULD be delusional, just as you say. Confidence is about understanding your competency and resiliency: even if you fail, you will survive.

I feel the same way you do op. Why do you think your worth anything? You're shit compared to some other people, how do you get it in your head that your effort is worth it?

you say it's being realistic, everyone else tells you you're a pessimist or jaded. I learned to just say fuck it and do it anyway, even if you're not good at it, or don't think you are. Who cares, if it won't kill you you might win you might lose, it's all temporary. Just do it.

>>17283521
You know those trick shot videos? The ones where they shoot a basket ball half way across a room, bounce it off a couple things, and it ends up in the hoop? On a abstract level those videos are a lot like confidence. One part skill, one part perseverance, and a dash of showmanship. In order to be confident in something you have to actually be good at it; or at least good relative to those you are trying to impress. Being good doesn't mean you will always succeed, but it does mean you will eventually succeed if you persevere. This is when showmanship comes in, you have to know your audience. In order to be confident you have to acknowledge your success, but if you don't acknowledge it in a manner that your audience deems acceptable your'll come off as arrogant.
>tl;dr you're a whinny unskilled bitch that gives up too easy and is too autistic to understand what your peers deem to be acceptable behavior...

You're not thinking of confidence but of arrogance. Confidence is not "I am the best person out there" but "I am a good person in my own right". It's not "I am entitled to getting nice things in life", it's "I have no less right than anyone else to be here and try to make a good life for myself". It's not "this girl will like me" it's "if this girl doesn't like me, that won't impact how I see myself".

>>17284536
Also wanted to add to this that this real base level confidence allows you to do more flashy things that people see as a sign of confidence.

If you make a bold move on a girl because you are confident it's not because you think you're so great that you unironically present yourself as amazing, or that she couldn't possibly resist you.
It's about believing that if she doesn't like it, that's not a big deal. That if she's going to be a cunt about it, that's on her and looks worse on her than taking a risk and making a move does on you. That if you're going to be laughed at, that's a petty reaction on their part and you'll wake up the same person tomorrow.

So it's less about believing that you have a lot going for yourself and more about having base trust that you're not a bad person and don't need to look to other people to know how to think about yourself.

I'm not a confident person but I suspect it's all about being able to accept either outcome. You go in thinking you will win, but at the same time, know that if you lose, it's not the end of the world.

I fear failure so I'm not able to be confident. I can't deal with not succeeding, so I never take chances and play life defensively.

like bags of sand

>>17283541
t. Cuck

How's that feminist - sorry, I mean "cognitive" behavioural therapy going?